so sad when i read e following article....got it fr e web while i was doing my research......i believe e article is talking abt m'sia....but i tink e same things happen here in s'pore......where e statistics r much much lower....but which may juz b under-reporting......really disheartening 2 read abt all these.......but more pple shld b educated.......
fr: http://www.protectionproject.org/vt/2002/ne416.htm
HEALING THE SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILD
Yeang Soo Ching
MANY child sexual abuse cases go unreported, either because of the shame of it or because reporting the matter would mean a loved one going to jail, thereby depriving the family of a breadwinner.
This paucity of reports, and therefore the lack of correct statistics, tends to give us a false sense of security.
Statistics compiled by the Welfare Services Department show that in 2000, a total of 934 child abuse and neglect cases were reported to the department. Of these, 258 cases related to sexual abuse.
However, police statistics on child sexual abuse during the same year paint a more gloomy picture - 1,217 rapes, 198 incest, 614 outraging of modesty and 98 cases of sodomy.
From January to May 2001, according to statistics from the National Population and Family Development Board, 73 cases of incest were recorded. The board's statistics for 2000 showed 136 such cases.
Child sexual abuse is a crime punishable under the Penal Code, the Child Protection Act 1991, the Women and Girls Protection Act 1973 and the Child Act 2001.
The law relating to incest and rape was recently amended, and under the Penal Code (Amendment) Bill 2001, those charged with incest face a heavier penalty compared with non-incest rape.
For incest, the law provides for a jail term of not less than six years and not more than 20 years, and 24 strokes of the rotan. Rapes carry a jail term of not less than five years and whipping.
Suspected cases of child sexual abuse can be reported to any of three agencies: Welfare Services Department, the police and hospitals. Unfortunately, researches by non-governmental organisations show that a mere 10 per cent of sexual abuse cases are reported.
When seeking medical assistance, it is best to contact the SCAN (Suspected Child Abuse and Neglect) team in any government hospital because ultimately, in cases of suspected child abuse, private clinics will refer them to these hospitals.
The SCAN team comprises paediatricians, a gynaecologist, psychiatrist, medical social worker, a representative from the Welfare Services Department and the police. If a SCAN team is not available, cases should be referred to the hospital's accident and emergency section.
Dr Irene Cheah, a consultant paediatrician with the SCAN team at KualaLumpur Hospital, says child sexual abuse victims treated at the hospital are sometimes as young as two years old, but the majority are above five.
While the abuse is more prevalent among girls than boys, there are cases of male victims aged between eight and 10. "Victims younger than five are unable to reveal what has happened, so parents must be sensitive to achild's behaviour.
"In the majority of young children, there is no penetration, merely fingering and fondling to arouse the child. Later, penetration does take place. "Long-term sexual abuse is often shrouded in a veil of secrecy. The child is made to feel she agreed to it and, therefore, she will not expose the perpetrator. It's their little secret. This is what we call the 'accommodation syndrome'.
"In her book, there are two types of child sexual abusers - paedophiles and the happily married man who craves a sense of power. Abusers are usually known to the victims and are in positions of trust or responsibility.
Sexual assault, on the other hand, is usually carried out by strangers and is usually a one-off attack. While the emotional trauma for a sexual assault victim is as great as that of the sexually abused child, there is usually family support for the assault victim.
For the abused child, however, there is often a lack of family support, especially if the abuser is the father.
During a physical examination in the hospital, a police representative is usually around to collect the chain of evidence.
The examination depends on the history of events, and is generally an external one of the genital area. A full examination is conducted when other forensic evidence is required.
An internal examination, which can distress the child, is only done under anaesthesia. Checks are done for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
The child is warded, and if emotionally traumatised, is sent for psychiatric treatment.
"In the short term, the child may seem to be coping, but there are always long-term implications such as highly sexualised behaviour leading to promiscuity.
"Parents should pay serious attention when a child says someone has been touching her. If sexual abuse has taken place, they should be supportive and ensure the child continues her normal lifestyle but with increased awareness of safety. But some parents just want to forget the whole thing and don't report it," Dr Cheah laments.
Universiti Putra Malaysia's Professor Dr Kasmini Kassim, a senior consultant in child and adolescent psychiatry, concurs.
"I had a case where two sisters told their mother they were being raped by their stepfather, but their claims were dismissed as false. Then when the mother was dying of cancer and requested to see the girls, they refused. They had never let go of their anger," she says.
She sees an average of 10 cases of child sexual abuse a month, ranging from sodomy to molestation to rape. Age groups vary, from infants to adolescents.
"Where the child has been sexually abused for years, it takes a while for her to open up. In my therapy sessions with the child, I assess the language she uses, her behaviour, how she plays with anatomical dolls I provide her, etc."
"Survivors" , as she calls them, are referred to her by parents, teachers, police, and sometimes by the court when sexual abuse issues are raised in custody tussles.
"Most cases of sexual abuse occur within the family and are covered up, only to be revealed when related conditions, such as venereal disease and pregnancy, show. I have cases where the pregnant child is forced to point the finger at others when actually it's the work of her own family member." A counselling-related problem Dr Kasmini faces is that survivors stop coming for sessions after a few months. In her opinion, a follow-up period of one year is ideal, and thereafter an open period for counselling whereby survivors can drop in to see their counsellors anytime they need to.
"The main objective of counselling is to let the child know it's not her fault. Some children come in depressed, crying. Some can't sleep, some can't study, some play truant. Then slowly it all comes out.
"The root of the problem is her feeling of guilt, of doing something dirty. We have to emphasise that she has done nothing wrong, that she was taken advantage of and not her fault."
She cites a case where the girl was continuously raped by her father, then forced to become a prostitute by her mother, who reinforced in the girl the belief that she had been soiled and no one would ever marry her anyway.
It is paramount, says Dr Kasmini, that survivors be assured that while the past may remain in their memory, they can still go on living a good life ifthey change their attitude and concept of the world.
Besides counselling, she uses psycho therapy (going back into the past to unravel the whole picture), in which the objective is to relieve bitter and painful memories in the unconscious, and bring them out to the conscious level so that they can be dealt with. Medication is prescribed to those who are depressed or have other psychiatric disorders.
"At times, family and marital therapy is needed as well. Some wives become frigid as a result of past sexual abuse and the husband has to be counselled along with her. In family therapy, the man is asked to revealhis feelings about the matter and to show support for the survivor insteadof shunning her."
Video-taping survivors' response is also carried out with their permission or that of the parents if they are very young. The tape can later be used as court evidence.
Dr Kasmini says no notes are taken as the survivors talk. It's all heart-to-heart, observation of body language and great empathy."I feel for them, sometimes cry with them and most of all I empathise.
It's mentally draining but it's fulfilling to work with survivors."
Professor Dr Sham Kasim, of UPM's Department of Paediatrics, says knowing the manner of the sexual abuse is very important for counsellors because quite often there is no evidence of trauma or laceration.
"If the child is very young, penetration would cause massive trauma. In young children, the abuse is sometimes oral or sitting on the child, or fingering. Only 30 per cent of victims will show a ruptured hymen during a physical examination. If the abuse has been carried out over time, the wounds do heal."
So history, such as the time a child started having sexualised behaviour unusual for her age, or when she tried to tell (but was not listened to), or whether someone saw the act, etc, is very important.
In the past, doctors used to write "child has not been raped or sexually abused" because they could not find physical signs.
"Now they have been advised not to do that, but instead to delve into the history and to document their findings properly, especially if the abuse happened some time ago," Dr Sham says.
History sometimes point to the mother as the original perpetrator. There are cases, especially in second marriages, where mothers make their daughters accommodate the conjugal rights of the husbands.
"They see this as a way to retain their husbands who have lost interest in them sexually. So the daughters become the de facto wives," says Dr Sham.
He laments the fact that quite often, mothers bring their abused children for a medical examination just to ensure the hymen is intact and refuse to report the matter.
"All they care about is the question of virginity. They are embarrassed and instigate the victim to retract the police statement even after it has been made. Every member of the family, including the victim, thinks along the same line: 'How can we send our dad to jail for the next 10 years?'."
And so the child abusers continue to get away with it. Society must listen more to its conscience, and act in good faith for the sake of all our children.
The Globe and Mail (Canada)
April 15, 2002
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Straits Times Dec 14, 2004
Parents on strike over naughty kids
MRS Cat Barnard has become America's real-life desperate housewife. She and her husband, Harlan, are on strike.
They are sick of kids who do not do their chores and do not show respect, and have left the house in the hands of their 12-year-old daughter Kit and their 17-year-old son Ben.
The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home from school on Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten signs that read 'Parents on Strike' and 'Seeking Cooperation and Respect!'
Mrs Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mother, and her 56-year-old husband, a government social services worker, decided their children needed to learn about empathy and responsibility.
The Barnards now live in a cramped tent on the front lawn of their Deltona, Florida, home, and they plan to stay there until the kids start behaving.
The paparazzi love the show and are now permanent fixtures on the Barnards' once-sleepy street.
The strike seems to have struck a nerve. The phone has been ringing incessantly with requests for media interviews. Passers-by have shouted out words of encouragement.
One woman driving past the Barnards' house rolled down her car window on Wednesday and shouted: 'Good for you! You should put the kids outside!' \-- WASHINGTON POST, ASSOCIATED PRESS
i hope my parents dun do tt 2 me.......
Parents on strike over naughty kids
MRS Cat Barnard has become America's real-life desperate housewife. She and her husband, Harlan, are on strike.
They are sick of kids who do not do their chores and do not show respect, and have left the house in the hands of their 12-year-old daughter Kit and their 17-year-old son Ben.
The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home from school on Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten signs that read 'Parents on Strike' and 'Seeking Cooperation and Respect!'
Mrs Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mother, and her 56-year-old husband, a government social services worker, decided their children needed to learn about empathy and responsibility.
The Barnards now live in a cramped tent on the front lawn of their Deltona, Florida, home, and they plan to stay there until the kids start behaving.
The paparazzi love the show and are now permanent fixtures on the Barnards' once-sleepy street.
The strike seems to have struck a nerve. The phone has been ringing incessantly with requests for media interviews. Passers-by have shouted out words of encouragement.
One woman driving past the Barnards' house rolled down her car window on Wednesday and shouted: 'Good for you! You should put the kids outside!' \-- WASHINGTON POST, ASSOCIATED PRESS
i hope my parents dun do tt 2 me.......
Straits Times Dec 14, 2004
My neighbour, the stranger
Most polled hardly chat with their neighbours or visit them
By Yap Su-yin
SINGAPOREANS are generally not a friendly lot, but you can count on them to lend a helping hand.
According to a survey carried out by The Straits Times last month, 70 per cent of Singaporeans know fewer than 10 people in their neighbourhood.
For half of the people here, having a chat with the neighbours once a week is the limit of community contact.
When an emergency strikes, however, or even if a favour is needed, the Survey On Community Living And Neighbourliness found 87 per cent of people are confident they can count on their neighbours.
The Straits Times surveyed 428 people, aged 15 and above, in both public and private housing.
Almost 70 per cent hardly or never step into their neighbours' homes. If they do, it is most likely during festive occasions.
However, the distance Singaporeans appear to keep from their neighbours does not mean they do not lend a hand when asked.
More than half have asked or done favours for their neighbours.
Also, 83 per cent said they have a sense of community, even though most do not take part in community events.
Mr Vincent Chua, teaching assistant at the National University of Singapore sociology department, said the steady decline of neighbourliness in Singapore over the years should not be interpreted as 'unwillingness to mix with others'.
Neighbourliness 'among kin appears sustained, with more families relying on family rather than neighbours for their well-being', said Mr Chua, who has researched the subject of personal community networks in Singapore.
As kin are never more than few kilometres away, neighbours become resources of last resort, he said.
Another factor making neighbourliness redundant is easy access to goods and amenities needed for daily life in most housing estates.
That may be one reason the most helpful neighbours seem to be private housing residents, compared to HDB heartlanders.
About seven in 10 of those in private homes have helped others in the neighbourhood, compared with half of those in public housing.
Businessman Kenneth Lee, 40, who lives in a private condominium in the east, said: 'I often give my neighbours a lift out to the main road where they can catch a bus or taxi. If we lived in a public estate, where bus stops are everywhere, there's no need.'
Common corridors, void decks and lift landings in HDB estates, while presenting opportunities for residents to bump into each other, do not guarantee closer ties.
Mr Abdul Latip, 50, a lifeguard who lives in a four-room flat, said: 'Everyone is rushing about just to survive.
'We need to live like machines now. No time to know our neighbours. Once at home, you're so tired you just want to rest.'
But he acknowledges that having helpful neighbours is critical.
'If there's a fire, it's your neighbours who will knock on your door and call the authorities.'
The survey also indicated that income group, education level, race, age and housing type have some bearing on the level of friendliness among neighbours:
Older, poorer and lower-educated residents are much friendlier to their neighbours than young, educated, high income earners.
Mr Chua offered an explanation: 'Older people, as well as those with lower income, are less mobile physically and socially, so their ties are more specific to their immediate surroundings.'
On the other hand, the middle class move around in more social circles and have built friendships elsewhere, he said.
Malays also stand out in the survey.
Unlike Chinese and Indians, 82 per cent of Malays said they have chatted with their neighbour, compared with 71 per cent of Chinese.
A similar proportion have invited neighbours to their homes during festive occasions, compared with 42 per cent of Chinese.
Singapore Kindness Movement chairman Noel Hon, whose team started the inaugural Good Neighbour's Day on Nov 13, said bonds between neighbours naturally weaken when people move house.
'These people lose some of their threads from their old neighbourhoods,' he said.
He expects the situation will improve as 'neighbourhoods have now been established for some time.'
His view appears to be borne out by the survey findings, in which 87 per cent of respondents said they would like to stay put for many years to come.
Retiree Freddie Yap, 61, dismissed all the theories that account for the decline in neighbourliness.
It is up to the individual, said Mr Yap, who still sends Hari Raya cards to his Muslim former neighbour long after both families moved out of the same Housing Board estate.
'At the end of the day, you must be ready to accommodate and accept each other to build any sort of relationship. Say hello, care a little, have some consideration.
'Some people are so cheap they won't even buy a greeting card for their neighbour during festive occasions. But a simple gesture like that does wonders because it shows you care.' \-- ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY THERESA TAN
i admit again, i dun talk 2 my neighbors!!! but i do smile at them at e very least....at least 2 e malay family next door who has lived there 4 a few yrs.....e other neighbor is a bit more tao & i hardly c them....e other 1 is new, moved in 4 <>
My neighbour, the stranger
Most polled hardly chat with their neighbours or visit them
By Yap Su-yin
SINGAPOREANS are generally not a friendly lot, but you can count on them to lend a helping hand.
According to a survey carried out by The Straits Times last month, 70 per cent of Singaporeans know fewer than 10 people in their neighbourhood.
For half of the people here, having a chat with the neighbours once a week is the limit of community contact.
When an emergency strikes, however, or even if a favour is needed, the Survey On Community Living And Neighbourliness found 87 per cent of people are confident they can count on their neighbours.
The Straits Times surveyed 428 people, aged 15 and above, in both public and private housing.
Almost 70 per cent hardly or never step into their neighbours' homes. If they do, it is most likely during festive occasions.
However, the distance Singaporeans appear to keep from their neighbours does not mean they do not lend a hand when asked.
More than half have asked or done favours for their neighbours.
Also, 83 per cent said they have a sense of community, even though most do not take part in community events.
Mr Vincent Chua, teaching assistant at the National University of Singapore sociology department, said the steady decline of neighbourliness in Singapore over the years should not be interpreted as 'unwillingness to mix with others'.
Neighbourliness 'among kin appears sustained, with more families relying on family rather than neighbours for their well-being', said Mr Chua, who has researched the subject of personal community networks in Singapore.
As kin are never more than few kilometres away, neighbours become resources of last resort, he said.
Another factor making neighbourliness redundant is easy access to goods and amenities needed for daily life in most housing estates.
That may be one reason the most helpful neighbours seem to be private housing residents, compared to HDB heartlanders.
About seven in 10 of those in private homes have helped others in the neighbourhood, compared with half of those in public housing.
Businessman Kenneth Lee, 40, who lives in a private condominium in the east, said: 'I often give my neighbours a lift out to the main road where they can catch a bus or taxi. If we lived in a public estate, where bus stops are everywhere, there's no need.'
Common corridors, void decks and lift landings in HDB estates, while presenting opportunities for residents to bump into each other, do not guarantee closer ties.
Mr Abdul Latip, 50, a lifeguard who lives in a four-room flat, said: 'Everyone is rushing about just to survive.
'We need to live like machines now. No time to know our neighbours. Once at home, you're so tired you just want to rest.'
But he acknowledges that having helpful neighbours is critical.
'If there's a fire, it's your neighbours who will knock on your door and call the authorities.'
The survey also indicated that income group, education level, race, age and housing type have some bearing on the level of friendliness among neighbours:
Older, poorer and lower-educated residents are much friendlier to their neighbours than young, educated, high income earners.
Mr Chua offered an explanation: 'Older people, as well as those with lower income, are less mobile physically and socially, so their ties are more specific to their immediate surroundings.'
On the other hand, the middle class move around in more social circles and have built friendships elsewhere, he said.
Malays also stand out in the survey.
Unlike Chinese and Indians, 82 per cent of Malays said they have chatted with their neighbour, compared with 71 per cent of Chinese.
A similar proportion have invited neighbours to their homes during festive occasions, compared with 42 per cent of Chinese.
Singapore Kindness Movement chairman Noel Hon, whose team started the inaugural Good Neighbour's Day on Nov 13, said bonds between neighbours naturally weaken when people move house.
'These people lose some of their threads from their old neighbourhoods,' he said.
He expects the situation will improve as 'neighbourhoods have now been established for some time.'
His view appears to be borne out by the survey findings, in which 87 per cent of respondents said they would like to stay put for many years to come.
Retiree Freddie Yap, 61, dismissed all the theories that account for the decline in neighbourliness.
It is up to the individual, said Mr Yap, who still sends Hari Raya cards to his Muslim former neighbour long after both families moved out of the same Housing Board estate.
'At the end of the day, you must be ready to accommodate and accept each other to build any sort of relationship. Say hello, care a little, have some consideration.
'Some people are so cheap they won't even buy a greeting card for their neighbour during festive occasions. But a simple gesture like that does wonders because it shows you care.' \-- ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY THERESA TAN
i admit again, i dun talk 2 my neighbors!!! but i do smile at them at e very least....at least 2 e malay family next door who has lived there 4 a few yrs.....e other neighbor is a bit more tao & i hardly c them....e other 1 is new, moved in 4 <>
Today December 13, 2004
We politely disagree
WHEN pigs fly — or should it be, when Singaporeans fly off their seats to offer them to pregnant women on the MRT — that's when we can say "gracious" and "Singaporean" in the same breath without gagging on the contradiction.
That, at least, seems to be the incredulous reaction of most readers to Swede Camilla Porsman's description of treatment she received from local train commuters ("Friendliness is everywhere in Singapore", Dec 6).
As PJ Lee, who is 36 weeks pregnant put it, the details of Ms Porsman's letter "almost made me choke on my breakfast".
Only two days earlier, she said, she had boarded the train with her six-year-old son in tow.
"I was standing near the corner seats with the sign that reads, 'Please offer this seat to those who need it'.
The folks in those seats were doing a great job of ignoring me and my son. Some of the actions of such people are so pretentious, I feel like laughing sometimes.
"In her experience, only "four times out of ten do people actually get up to offer me their seats. The people who have (including a group of Indian construction workers, once) are my heroes".
There were two exceptions to the cynical backlash from readers. Terry Yap witnessed several passengers standing up for a pregnant woman on a train.
Taiwanese Susan Hsu raved about the "loveliness, warmth and friendliness" of Singaporeans since she arrived a year ago.
"One day when it was pouring, I was waiting for a traffic light to change so I could cross the road. One woman saw me and offered to share her umbrella with me," she recounted.
"I have travelled on business to many Asian countries and this has never happened to me before.
"In stark contrast, Chilean Patricio Briceno — who gets the cold shoulder when he says "hello" to a neighbour or a fellow lift passenger — said: "I have never seen people as impolite and unfriendly as Singaporeans."
"My only guess as to the reason for Ms Porsman's experience is that she is probably a blonde, good-looking Caucasian lady."
Glenn M Jothy concurred. "Her daily experiences will certainly be far more pleasant than those of a Bangladeshi foreign worker or your common Indonesian maid.
"Or, for that matter, even the ordinary Singaporean living in the HDB heartland.
"So let's not fool ourselves into believing for even one moment that we have 'arrived' as a society when it comes to graciousness and kindness."
But if the majority of Singaporeans seem to fail to measure up in terms of small acts of everyday kindness, now and then, an opportunity comes along for those with heart to respond.
As seven people did last week after reading about Madam Zarina Harpal Singh's selfless mission for foreign workers in Singapore ("A hand for the helpless", Dec 6).
One woman said her ministry division was interested in the chance to do community work. A man volunteered a temporary shelter. Another woman offered $160 in shopping vouchers.
At times like this, one can almost believe Susan Hsu's affirmation of Singaporeans — that "they are born with a genuine heart."
i admit i'm 1 o those who dun give up their seats! i'm so tired & i really 1 2 sit down!!! in e morn tt's e only time i've 2 catch up on my sleep.....& when i get off work, tt's e only time i can give my body a little rest.... ok excuses.....my bottomline is tt if i feel tt person needs e seat more than me then i'll give it up, if i feel they dun, i'll only give up my seat if they asked me, period. if u really need a seat tt badly, e least u cld do is ask!!!!
giving up ur seat doesn't equate 2 being gracious.......i dunno wat i carry in my bags but they weigh at least a kg or 2.....i dun disagree tt pregnant women's load is much more than tt, but smetimes i juz dun bother......okk another excuse.....
anywayz, i feel tt smetimes many pple juz dun bother abt e little little things....it's juz 2 much work smehow......i'll try 2 b more gracious..... if i'm not tt tired!!!ok ok.......
We politely disagree
WHEN pigs fly — or should it be, when Singaporeans fly off their seats to offer them to pregnant women on the MRT — that's when we can say "gracious" and "Singaporean" in the same breath without gagging on the contradiction.
That, at least, seems to be the incredulous reaction of most readers to Swede Camilla Porsman's description of treatment she received from local train commuters ("Friendliness is everywhere in Singapore", Dec 6).
As PJ Lee, who is 36 weeks pregnant put it, the details of Ms Porsman's letter "almost made me choke on my breakfast".
Only two days earlier, she said, she had boarded the train with her six-year-old son in tow.
"I was standing near the corner seats with the sign that reads, 'Please offer this seat to those who need it'.
The folks in those seats were doing a great job of ignoring me and my son. Some of the actions of such people are so pretentious, I feel like laughing sometimes.
"In her experience, only "four times out of ten do people actually get up to offer me their seats. The people who have (including a group of Indian construction workers, once) are my heroes".
There were two exceptions to the cynical backlash from readers. Terry Yap witnessed several passengers standing up for a pregnant woman on a train.
Taiwanese Susan Hsu raved about the "loveliness, warmth and friendliness" of Singaporeans since she arrived a year ago.
"One day when it was pouring, I was waiting for a traffic light to change so I could cross the road. One woman saw me and offered to share her umbrella with me," she recounted.
"I have travelled on business to many Asian countries and this has never happened to me before.
"In stark contrast, Chilean Patricio Briceno — who gets the cold shoulder when he says "hello" to a neighbour or a fellow lift passenger — said: "I have never seen people as impolite and unfriendly as Singaporeans."
"My only guess as to the reason for Ms Porsman's experience is that she is probably a blonde, good-looking Caucasian lady."
Glenn M Jothy concurred. "Her daily experiences will certainly be far more pleasant than those of a Bangladeshi foreign worker or your common Indonesian maid.
"Or, for that matter, even the ordinary Singaporean living in the HDB heartland.
"So let's not fool ourselves into believing for even one moment that we have 'arrived' as a society when it comes to graciousness and kindness."
But if the majority of Singaporeans seem to fail to measure up in terms of small acts of everyday kindness, now and then, an opportunity comes along for those with heart to respond.
As seven people did last week after reading about Madam Zarina Harpal Singh's selfless mission for foreign workers in Singapore ("A hand for the helpless", Dec 6).
One woman said her ministry division was interested in the chance to do community work. A man volunteered a temporary shelter. Another woman offered $160 in shopping vouchers.
At times like this, one can almost believe Susan Hsu's affirmation of Singaporeans — that "they are born with a genuine heart."
i admit i'm 1 o those who dun give up their seats! i'm so tired & i really 1 2 sit down!!! in e morn tt's e only time i've 2 catch up on my sleep.....& when i get off work, tt's e only time i can give my body a little rest.... ok excuses.....my bottomline is tt if i feel tt person needs e seat more than me then i'll give it up, if i feel they dun, i'll only give up my seat if they asked me, period. if u really need a seat tt badly, e least u cld do is ask!!!!
giving up ur seat doesn't equate 2 being gracious.......i dunno wat i carry in my bags but they weigh at least a kg or 2.....i dun disagree tt pregnant women's load is much more than tt, but smetimes i juz dun bother......okk another excuse.....
anywayz, i feel tt smetimes many pple juz dun bother abt e little little things....it's juz 2 much work smehow......i'll try 2 b more gracious..... if i'm not tt tired!!!ok ok.......
Friday, December 10, 2004
From email fr my boss....
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first, she said. The audience laughed so hard they cried.
Dr. Angelou also said: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Been really busy these few days attending mtgs after mtgs....still in e midst o writing minutes 4 2 o e mtgs.....haizzzz so i can't blog much......anyway, e mtgs were a great success!!! everything was cleared up finally, & i can finally carry on wif e work....happpy....but busy 7 headache wif writing minutes.....
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first, she said. The audience laughed so hard they cried.
Dr. Angelou also said: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Been really busy these few days attending mtgs after mtgs....still in e midst o writing minutes 4 2 o e mtgs.....haizzzz so i can't blog much......anyway, e mtgs were a great success!!! everything was cleared up finally, & i can finally carry on wif e work....happpy....but busy 7 headache wif writing minutes.....
Monday, December 06, 2004
mtg up.....
i still like 2 initiate mtgs....even though i know i may b disappointed.....but i c tt pple do respond more now.....many pple seem 2 b more spontaneous......mayb it's e x'mas spirit......i've decided long ago not 2 b so kp....but i juz can't help it......mayb it's cos i'm juz so free.....i dun feel appreciated a lot o e times......but c-ing pple come 2gather juz by n sms, i tink it's worthwhile la....a little heartache here & there will make my heart stronger i guess.....
A friend sent this 2 me.....everything sounds so true....if only we can really do wat we tink we shld.....i really wish i've e courage 2 do more things, 2 realise more things....2 not b afraid......2 b responsible.....2 b me once again.....2 b really me....
Moments in Life
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
====================================
'The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart....' Helen Keller
Moments in Life
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
====================================
'The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart....' Helen Keller
ST Dec 5 2004
Bedroom blues
Marriages break down due to different opinions on sex and parenthood
By Li Xueying
SEX, to graduate student Joyce Tang, is not all it's cracked up to be. After just one year of marriage to her IT engineer husband, she's bored, she said.
'We do it because it's part of love and marriage. But he's usually so tired when he comes home from work.'
According to a Sunday Times survey, just 65 per cent of women, compared to 72 per cent of men, described their sex life with their spouse as 'good'. Also, 67 per cent of women rated their husbands' lovemaking skills as 'good', while 76 per cent of men said the same of their wives.
Evidently, Singaporean couples may share the same bed but not the same views on sex.
Experts such as Dr Wei Siang Yu, Singapore's self-styled Dr Love, said men are more self-absorbed, neglecting the needs of their partners.
The difference in opinions extend to parenthood.
More than 30 per cent of the husbands want three or more kids, compared to just 18 per cent of the women.
This could become a source of marital discord.
Administrative manager Anne Tan, 33, divorced her pilot husband two years ago after four years of marriage, partly because he didn't want any children.
Coincidentally, her new fiance, Mr B. Tan, 34, a sales manager, also divorced his engineer wife of six years for the same reason recently.
'She was very focused on her career, very ambitious,' said Ms Tan. So when she and Mr Tan
met, they 'could understand each other'. They are tying the knot next month.
Psychiatrists say that they see patients whose marriages are in trouble due to differences in opinions about parenthood and sex.
And one key reason is the lack of communication before marriage, leaving issues unresolved.
Said Dr Adrian Wang from the Institute of Mental Health: 'One common complaint from the women is that all the household duties lie with them, while it's very easy for the men to say they want three kids.'
On the flip side, the decision not to have children may lead to problems later in the marriage.
Psychiatrist Brian Yeo said: 'Without children, there is not much glue in the marriage. There is nothing to hold the couples back from drifting apart, especially when men develop a roving eye.
In fact, some will tell their wives that it was their fault they didn't want children and so they can't be blamed for finding mistresses!'
But this does not faze Ms Elaine Koh, 29, a corporate communications officer. She and her husband, Mr Kuek Hai Leng, 31, who works in advertising, have been married for three years.
'My husband thinks that he can convince me in five years that I'd be ready for children. But I don't think I would change. If I have kids, I'd be taking away money that I could have given to my parents or spent on myself.
'My husband will satisfy my emotional needs... I've told him I'll get a puppy and teach it how to say 'Daddy'.'
wat's marriage anyway???? 1 thing tt i'm certain tt i'm diff fr fiona is tt i'm not heading 2wards e path o marriage at least not in e very near future.....it's impt tt a couple has e same view 2wards life....& i congratulate u again snow, on ur finding o a gem in fiona!!!! jan, we've 2 save up 4 a big red ang bao 4 mr snow!!!! broke man.....
Bedroom blues
Marriages break down due to different opinions on sex and parenthood
By Li Xueying
SEX, to graduate student Joyce Tang, is not all it's cracked up to be. After just one year of marriage to her IT engineer husband, she's bored, she said.
'We do it because it's part of love and marriage. But he's usually so tired when he comes home from work.'
According to a Sunday Times survey, just 65 per cent of women, compared to 72 per cent of men, described their sex life with their spouse as 'good'. Also, 67 per cent of women rated their husbands' lovemaking skills as 'good', while 76 per cent of men said the same of their wives.
Evidently, Singaporean couples may share the same bed but not the same views on sex.
Experts such as Dr Wei Siang Yu, Singapore's self-styled Dr Love, said men are more self-absorbed, neglecting the needs of their partners.
The difference in opinions extend to parenthood.
More than 30 per cent of the husbands want three or more kids, compared to just 18 per cent of the women.
This could become a source of marital discord.
Administrative manager Anne Tan, 33, divorced her pilot husband two years ago after four years of marriage, partly because he didn't want any children.
Coincidentally, her new fiance, Mr B. Tan, 34, a sales manager, also divorced his engineer wife of six years for the same reason recently.
'She was very focused on her career, very ambitious,' said Ms Tan. So when she and Mr Tan
met, they 'could understand each other'. They are tying the knot next month.
Psychiatrists say that they see patients whose marriages are in trouble due to differences in opinions about parenthood and sex.
And one key reason is the lack of communication before marriage, leaving issues unresolved.
Said Dr Adrian Wang from the Institute of Mental Health: 'One common complaint from the women is that all the household duties lie with them, while it's very easy for the men to say they want three kids.'
On the flip side, the decision not to have children may lead to problems later in the marriage.
Psychiatrist Brian Yeo said: 'Without children, there is not much glue in the marriage. There is nothing to hold the couples back from drifting apart, especially when men develop a roving eye.
In fact, some will tell their wives that it was their fault they didn't want children and so they can't be blamed for finding mistresses!'
But this does not faze Ms Elaine Koh, 29, a corporate communications officer. She and her husband, Mr Kuek Hai Leng, 31, who works in advertising, have been married for three years.
'My husband thinks that he can convince me in five years that I'd be ready for children. But I don't think I would change. If I have kids, I'd be taking away money that I could have given to my parents or spent on myself.
'My husband will satisfy my emotional needs... I've told him I'll get a puppy and teach it how to say 'Daddy'.'
wat's marriage anyway???? 1 thing tt i'm certain tt i'm diff fr fiona is tt i'm not heading 2wards e path o marriage at least not in e very near future.....it's impt tt a couple has e same view 2wards life....& i congratulate u again snow, on ur finding o a gem in fiona!!!! jan, we've 2 save up 4 a big red ang bao 4 mr snow!!!! broke man.....
wear ur seat belts pls.....
ST Dec 4 2004
6 myths that could kill your children
Did you know that crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge?
LEOW JU-LEN learns some hard truths from two safety experts
IF WE would all wear belts, so many lives would be saved, says John-Fredrik Gronvall. As a senior safety research engineer with Volvo Car Corporation, he should know.
Mr Gronvall and Ms Anna Claesson, an accident researcher from Volvo, were in town recently to raise awareness of how proper seatbelt usage can make a real difference to safety, particularly for children travelling in cars.
His main message was simple: If you love your children, belt them up. And not merely because the law requires you to do so, but because it makes a very real difference to their survival chances in a crash.
'All this is about awareness, and not just about fines.'
1 Fatal crashes are rare in Singapore
Fact: Last year, 211 people were killed on Singapore roads - 27 of those casualties were riding in a car. 'That's pretty good for a population of your size,' says Mr Gronvall. Indeed, it sounds that a person's chances of dying in a car are relatively slim here.
However, when told that Singapore has roughly 405,000 passenger cars, Mr Gronvall quickly readjusts his assessment. 'In that case, it's a little high,' he says.
In fact, Singapore's casualty rate, while much better than those in most parts of Asia, still lags behind that of some developed countries. Great Britain has 70 times as many cars as Singapore, for example, but only 16 times as many road deaths.
Rather worryingly, the 27 people killed in cars last year also represent an increase of 28.6 per cent over 2002.
2 Speeds in Singapore are too low to cause serious injury
Fact: It doesn't take serious speed to cause serious injury. Try this on for size: Climb onto an ordinary dining chair, then fall forward onto your face. Be sure to have a tissue handy to wipe the blood from your nose. Congratulations! You've just simulated a crash at only 15kmh.
It gets increasingly violent as you increase the speed.
Crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge, for example. '30kmh is nothing,' says Mr Gronvall, adding that seatbelt usage is of paramount importance because drivers easily exceed the low speeds cited in our examples, even in Singapore.
3 Parents can hold on to their children during a collision
Fact: The law says that children up to eight must be in a child seat. Many people flout this, but it's impossible to flout the laws of physics. These dictate that a child weighing, say, 30kg and travelling at 40kmh would carry as much as one tonne of energy in a frontal collision.
Parents may be able to perform superhuman feats of time management and power cleaning, but holding on to a tonne isn't possible for anyone. Only seatbelts are able to restrain a child's body properly.
'Here, you often see the family's maid holding the baby,' says Mr Gronvall. 'In a crash, the maid kills the baby, or the baby kills someone.' In fact, an unbelted child is doubly dangerous because during a crash, an unrestrained body is a potentially fatal hazard.
According to Volvo, if a child's body hit your back with one tonne of force, all your ribs would break, they would puncture your lungs, and you would be gone in 60 seconds.
4 Size is everything - if my child is big enough, he doesn't need a booster seat
Fact: Children need special seats not merely because of their size, but also their bone structure. Seatbelts are designed for adults and if they're not used together with booster seat or child seat, they can cause injuries in a crash.
Adult hips, for example, are shaped differently from those of children, and this can cause a lap belt to slip over a child's abdomen during a crash, causing internal organ damage.
As for smaller children travelling without booster seats, the lap belt often sits directly over their tummies, with the torso belt at their chins - both dangerous positions.
Despite what the law says, Volvo recommends that children use a booster seat up to age 10 because that's when their bones are properly formed. It's also imperative for children to sit in their boosters in a seat with no airbag facing it.
Parents normally do the opposite and allow their kids to stop using the seats too early, but in this respect, it pays to be kiasu.
5 Rearward-facing seats are unnecessary, and give kids motion sickness
Fact: Travelling backwards is actually safer, according to Volvo, and if car design made it possible, the company would prefer that adults sat facing rearwards, too.
Small children in particular should travel in a rearward-facing child seat. Ms Claesson says that during a frontal collision, a forward-facing child would suffer a broken neck easily. That's because children are proportioned differently.
A newborn's head makes up half its bodyweight, for example. Coupled with the fact that its spine has yet to be properly formed, the forces pulling its head forward in a frontal collision would snap its neck.
'This makes it important that the child is using rearward restraints up to the age of three or four,' says Ms Claesson.
Many parents abandon their rearward facing seats long before that, worrying that travelling backwards would disorientate their children. But Ms Claesson says children are less likely to suffer from disorientation than adults, who are much more used to travelling forward.
Rearward-facing seats, she says, should actually be used 'as long as possible'. Volvo's field researchers have collected data from 30,000 accidents since the 1970s, and among all the cases where an infant was in a rearward-facing seat, only one fatality was recorded. Even that was caused by drowning, because the car involved plunged into a river.
One thing to note, however: Rearward-facing seats should never be used in a seat with an active airbag in front of it.
6 Seatbelts are a danger to unborn children
Fact: The opposite is true - lack of seatbelt use causes the death of unborn children in car crashes. In fact, studies from the United States show that car crashes are the leading cause of death for unborn children.
According to Ms Claesson, some pregnant women believe that seatbelts will do more harm than good in a frontal collision, a misconception that has resulted in needless casualties.
Worn properly, the belt would restrain the mother in a crash and pose no threat to the foetus.
The mother should avoid wearing bulky clothing and place the torso belt between her breasts and to the side of the pregnant belly, with the lap belt laying flat and as low as possible under the curve of the belly.
After clicking the belt into the buckle, the mother should then give the torso belt an upward tug to remove slack from the belt system. It's also advisable to sit as far as possible from the steering wheel, while still being able to control it properly.
For more information on child safety, pick up a free copy of A Safety Manual: Children In Cars from SM Motors' Volvo showroom at 249 Alexandra Road or visit www.volvochildsafety.com
6 myths that could kill your children
Did you know that crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge?
LEOW JU-LEN learns some hard truths from two safety experts
IF WE would all wear belts, so many lives would be saved, says John-Fredrik Gronvall. As a senior safety research engineer with Volvo Car Corporation, he should know.
Mr Gronvall and Ms Anna Claesson, an accident researcher from Volvo, were in town recently to raise awareness of how proper seatbelt usage can make a real difference to safety, particularly for children travelling in cars.
His main message was simple: If you love your children, belt them up. And not merely because the law requires you to do so, but because it makes a very real difference to their survival chances in a crash.
'All this is about awareness, and not just about fines.'
1 Fatal crashes are rare in Singapore
Fact: Last year, 211 people were killed on Singapore roads - 27 of those casualties were riding in a car. 'That's pretty good for a population of your size,' says Mr Gronvall. Indeed, it sounds that a person's chances of dying in a car are relatively slim here.
However, when told that Singapore has roughly 405,000 passenger cars, Mr Gronvall quickly readjusts his assessment. 'In that case, it's a little high,' he says.
In fact, Singapore's casualty rate, while much better than those in most parts of Asia, still lags behind that of some developed countries. Great Britain has 70 times as many cars as Singapore, for example, but only 16 times as many road deaths.
Rather worryingly, the 27 people killed in cars last year also represent an increase of 28.6 per cent over 2002.
2 Speeds in Singapore are too low to cause serious injury
Fact: It doesn't take serious speed to cause serious injury. Try this on for size: Climb onto an ordinary dining chair, then fall forward onto your face. Be sure to have a tissue handy to wipe the blood from your nose. Congratulations! You've just simulated a crash at only 15kmh.
It gets increasingly violent as you increase the speed.
Crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge, for example. '30kmh is nothing,' says Mr Gronvall, adding that seatbelt usage is of paramount importance because drivers easily exceed the low speeds cited in our examples, even in Singapore.
3 Parents can hold on to their children during a collision
Fact: The law says that children up to eight must be in a child seat. Many people flout this, but it's impossible to flout the laws of physics. These dictate that a child weighing, say, 30kg and travelling at 40kmh would carry as much as one tonne of energy in a frontal collision.
Parents may be able to perform superhuman feats of time management and power cleaning, but holding on to a tonne isn't possible for anyone. Only seatbelts are able to restrain a child's body properly.
'Here, you often see the family's maid holding the baby,' says Mr Gronvall. 'In a crash, the maid kills the baby, or the baby kills someone.' In fact, an unbelted child is doubly dangerous because during a crash, an unrestrained body is a potentially fatal hazard.
According to Volvo, if a child's body hit your back with one tonne of force, all your ribs would break, they would puncture your lungs, and you would be gone in 60 seconds.
4 Size is everything - if my child is big enough, he doesn't need a booster seat
Fact: Children need special seats not merely because of their size, but also their bone structure. Seatbelts are designed for adults and if they're not used together with booster seat or child seat, they can cause injuries in a crash.
Adult hips, for example, are shaped differently from those of children, and this can cause a lap belt to slip over a child's abdomen during a crash, causing internal organ damage.
As for smaller children travelling without booster seats, the lap belt often sits directly over their tummies, with the torso belt at their chins - both dangerous positions.
Despite what the law says, Volvo recommends that children use a booster seat up to age 10 because that's when their bones are properly formed. It's also imperative for children to sit in their boosters in a seat with no airbag facing it.
Parents normally do the opposite and allow their kids to stop using the seats too early, but in this respect, it pays to be kiasu.
5 Rearward-facing seats are unnecessary, and give kids motion sickness
Fact: Travelling backwards is actually safer, according to Volvo, and if car design made it possible, the company would prefer that adults sat facing rearwards, too.
Small children in particular should travel in a rearward-facing child seat. Ms Claesson says that during a frontal collision, a forward-facing child would suffer a broken neck easily. That's because children are proportioned differently.
A newborn's head makes up half its bodyweight, for example. Coupled with the fact that its spine has yet to be properly formed, the forces pulling its head forward in a frontal collision would snap its neck.
'This makes it important that the child is using rearward restraints up to the age of three or four,' says Ms Claesson.
Many parents abandon their rearward facing seats long before that, worrying that travelling backwards would disorientate their children. But Ms Claesson says children are less likely to suffer from disorientation than adults, who are much more used to travelling forward.
Rearward-facing seats, she says, should actually be used 'as long as possible'. Volvo's field researchers have collected data from 30,000 accidents since the 1970s, and among all the cases where an infant was in a rearward-facing seat, only one fatality was recorded. Even that was caused by drowning, because the car involved plunged into a river.
One thing to note, however: Rearward-facing seats should never be used in a seat with an active airbag in front of it.
6 Seatbelts are a danger to unborn children
Fact: The opposite is true - lack of seatbelt use causes the death of unborn children in car crashes. In fact, studies from the United States show that car crashes are the leading cause of death for unborn children.
According to Ms Claesson, some pregnant women believe that seatbelts will do more harm than good in a frontal collision, a misconception that has resulted in needless casualties.
Worn properly, the belt would restrain the mother in a crash and pose no threat to the foetus.
The mother should avoid wearing bulky clothing and place the torso belt between her breasts and to the side of the pregnant belly, with the lap belt laying flat and as low as possible under the curve of the belly.
After clicking the belt into the buckle, the mother should then give the torso belt an upward tug to remove slack from the belt system. It's also advisable to sit as far as possible from the steering wheel, while still being able to control it properly.
For more information on child safety, pick up a free copy of A Safety Manual: Children In Cars from SM Motors' Volvo showroom at 249 Alexandra Road or visit www.volvochildsafety.com
Today December 4, 2004
Condom 'myth' is no tall tale
Facts support doubts on their effectiveness against HIV, STI
I refer to the letter, "Bursting the 'bad condom' myth" (Dec 2) by Christopher Low, who claims that the condom is effective in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is a myth in itself that needs to be addressed.
In a 2001 report by the United States' National Institute for Health, the condom was not found to be effective in preventing the transmission of a number of STIs.
In the area of HIV prevention, it was found to be only 85 per cent effective and only if used consistently and correctly. When used to prevent pregnancy, the condom is only 88 per cent effective.
Even if four condoms in a batch of 1,000 tested fail, the batch is still passed for distribution and sale. This means that in a batch of one million, up to 4,000 are defective.
The condom deteriorates with time, especially in hot and humid conditions like those in Singapore.
Mr Low quoted a breakage rate of 2 per 100 condoms, yet he still advocates their use. This sounds like a version of Russian roulette.
Complete, consistent and correct use of condoms by all is wishful thinking. Especially when the influence of alcohol and drugs is part of the equation.
In a study done in San Francisco, Balboa High School students were exposed to "graphic demonstrations" of proper condom use, but the school's condom availability programme was a colossal failure.
The percentage of sexually-active students who used condoms almost doubled — but, the school's overall pregnancy rate increased by one quarter. We can assume a similar increase in exposure to HIV infection and other STIs.
Dr Anne Peterson, assistant administrator for global health for the United States Agency for International Development, told a congressional subcommittee last year that, based on the evidence, abstinence is the "most important single message" in the sex education of young people. Unfortunately, some choose to engage in casual sex despite knowing the risks.
While we cannot impose a lifestyle change on them, it is imperative that we keep them informed of the fact that the condom is not 100 per cent effective — and empower them with the message that there is another, truly safe lifestyle choice. That is, abstinence from casual sex and faithfulness to one's uninfected spouse.
If one is truly pro-choice, one should make available complete and factual information to all.
Dr Hui Keem Peng
i wonder if snow's libido friend ever read e papers......he's 1 o e many who's spreading diseases ard....i really hope he sprouts a toadstool soon!!!! i know i'm evil but it's beta tt he knows e consequence b4 he infects more pple...stupid creep......these 2 words doesn't even describe him enough......
Condom 'myth' is no tall tale
Facts support doubts on their effectiveness against HIV, STI
I refer to the letter, "Bursting the 'bad condom' myth" (Dec 2) by Christopher Low, who claims that the condom is effective in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is a myth in itself that needs to be addressed.
In a 2001 report by the United States' National Institute for Health, the condom was not found to be effective in preventing the transmission of a number of STIs.
In the area of HIV prevention, it was found to be only 85 per cent effective and only if used consistently and correctly. When used to prevent pregnancy, the condom is only 88 per cent effective.
Even if four condoms in a batch of 1,000 tested fail, the batch is still passed for distribution and sale. This means that in a batch of one million, up to 4,000 are defective.
The condom deteriorates with time, especially in hot and humid conditions like those in Singapore.
Mr Low quoted a breakage rate of 2 per 100 condoms, yet he still advocates their use. This sounds like a version of Russian roulette.
Complete, consistent and correct use of condoms by all is wishful thinking. Especially when the influence of alcohol and drugs is part of the equation.
In a study done in San Francisco, Balboa High School students were exposed to "graphic demonstrations" of proper condom use, but the school's condom availability programme was a colossal failure.
The percentage of sexually-active students who used condoms almost doubled — but, the school's overall pregnancy rate increased by one quarter. We can assume a similar increase in exposure to HIV infection and other STIs.
Dr Anne Peterson, assistant administrator for global health for the United States Agency for International Development, told a congressional subcommittee last year that, based on the evidence, abstinence is the "most important single message" in the sex education of young people. Unfortunately, some choose to engage in casual sex despite knowing the risks.
While we cannot impose a lifestyle change on them, it is imperative that we keep them informed of the fact that the condom is not 100 per cent effective — and empower them with the message that there is another, truly safe lifestyle choice. That is, abstinence from casual sex and faithfulness to one's uninfected spouse.
If one is truly pro-choice, one should make available complete and factual information to all.
Dr Hui Keem Peng
i wonder if snow's libido friend ever read e papers......he's 1 o e many who's spreading diseases ard....i really hope he sprouts a toadstool soon!!!! i know i'm evil but it's beta tt he knows e consequence b4 he infects more pple...stupid creep......these 2 words doesn't even describe him enough......
ST Dec 5, 2004
As good as it gets
It's not just the high points in one's life that are worth treasuring. Sometimes, mundane moments are what truly matter
By Sumiko Tan
A YEAR or so before my father died, I remember I was in his bedroom one afternoon.
Unable to walk because of a stroke a few years before, he spent his days on a special hospital bed which we'd got to help us help him move around better.
My sister and two-year-old niece had come from the United States to visit at the time.
My mother and niece were also in the room. The little girl was amusing herself with her toys.
My parents looked on. The TV played.
My sister was in another room, at the computer.
My dogs were somewhere in the house, probably asleep.
I was sprawled on my mother's bed, my feet propped against a cupboard next to it, staring out of the window into a tree outside, the chatter of my niece and the whirr of the TV in the background.
It was just another ordinary sleepy day, no different from the many hundred uneventful ones that had passed me by.
Nothing special had happened that day, or was likely to.
Yet I remember thinking to myself: This is as good as it gets.
My family are here with me. They are safe. My father is sick but still breathing and able to smile. Everyone else is healthy. There is peace.
And, I remember thinking, this is a moment I should hold on to. This is a moment I will remember and treasure.
True enough, I often find myself going back to that day, even though my life has since changed in myriad ways, some for the better, some not.
My father is gone, the hospital bed has been given away, my niece is all of seven years old, I even have a nephew now and my life has ventured off in ways I did not quite expect.
But if I close my eyes, I can still feel my feet rubbing against the grain of the wood of the cupboard.
I can still see the tree outside and the cloudless sky, and I can still remember that weird mix of gratitude I felt for what I had, and fear of how it wasn't going to last, and how I'd better grasp that moment forever.
The memory of that day makes me happy, yet inexplicably sad.
IT USED to be that it was only the high points of my life that I lived for, to cherish and preserve.
High points like being on a fabulously exciting date.
Or sitting in a dream car.
Travelling to an exciting destination.
Celebrating a big day in style and with beautiful and important people.
Achieving a career goal - getting a promotion, earning more money, being recognised for doing a job well.
Life had meaning only if there was frisson and there was glory, if there was something significant happening and I was in the thick of it and I felt special.
These days, I find myself thinking that it's not just the peaks in one's life that are worth measuring and treasuring.
Sometimes, mundane moments matter and, perhaps, matter more.
Perhaps it is a result of growing older and realising the fragility of life and how there may not be a tomorrow.
Or the recognition that, really, just how many high points can a life have?
Rather, it's the small and ordinary moments that string together to make up a meaningful existence. And instead of just tolerating them and living in hope for the Next Big Thing to unfold, why not make the small things count?
Why not be grateful for them?
In April this year, my mother and I went to my sister's home in the US to celebrate my nephew's first birthday.
My sister baked a tiny cake, my brother-in-law came back from work early, and we all headed for a roller-skating rink.
Two of my sister's friends joined us with their young sons and we went for pancakes at a small eatery later.
Then it was back home, a quick dinner and an early night.
It wasn't a big celebration. In fact, some would remark at the sheer ordinariness of what should have been a special day. Where was the fanciful party? The presents?
But for me, it was one of the happiest days of my life.
Everyone I cared about was with me. We got through the day safely.
It was as good as it got.
A FRIEND SMSed me the other night to say, arrgh, Dec 1 is already here.
I asked: Why don't you like Dec 1?
The year passed too quickly, he said. It's gone before you know it.
I see.
When you look back at 2004, what do you remember?
I think the tendency is to scan the past 12 months for the peaks and troughs.
What did I achieve? Where did I fail?
And when you look ahead at 2005, what do you want to see?
Achievements to be had? Failures to avoid? Big, happy, glorious moments?
Perhaps it is better that I aim to live for each moment, to make the most of it, and count my blessings.
After all, what's past cannot be undone, what's ahead is unknown but what I can shape is my here and now.
Things could change in a day, a minute and a second - and they do.
Isn't it safer to stick to the small stuff, to put your faith in the fragility of the moment and not expect too much?
I'm not saying that I should be so intent on appreciating the smallness of life that I denounce all dreams of bigger things.
But to bask in the ordinariness of the day is something I resolve to do.
For, more often than not, that moment of your life is as good as it will ever get.
How has 2004 been 4 u......it's been a great yr 4 me.....a lot o things happened...a lot o things really......it's been 1 yr.......wat's e next yr gg 2 b like......how do i 1 2 live it?????
As good as it gets
It's not just the high points in one's life that are worth treasuring. Sometimes, mundane moments are what truly matter
By Sumiko Tan
A YEAR or so before my father died, I remember I was in his bedroom one afternoon.
Unable to walk because of a stroke a few years before, he spent his days on a special hospital bed which we'd got to help us help him move around better.
My sister and two-year-old niece had come from the United States to visit at the time.
My mother and niece were also in the room. The little girl was amusing herself with her toys.
My parents looked on. The TV played.
My sister was in another room, at the computer.
My dogs were somewhere in the house, probably asleep.
I was sprawled on my mother's bed, my feet propped against a cupboard next to it, staring out of the window into a tree outside, the chatter of my niece and the whirr of the TV in the background.
It was just another ordinary sleepy day, no different from the many hundred uneventful ones that had passed me by.
Nothing special had happened that day, or was likely to.
Yet I remember thinking to myself: This is as good as it gets.
My family are here with me. They are safe. My father is sick but still breathing and able to smile. Everyone else is healthy. There is peace.
And, I remember thinking, this is a moment I should hold on to. This is a moment I will remember and treasure.
True enough, I often find myself going back to that day, even though my life has since changed in myriad ways, some for the better, some not.
My father is gone, the hospital bed has been given away, my niece is all of seven years old, I even have a nephew now and my life has ventured off in ways I did not quite expect.
But if I close my eyes, I can still feel my feet rubbing against the grain of the wood of the cupboard.
I can still see the tree outside and the cloudless sky, and I can still remember that weird mix of gratitude I felt for what I had, and fear of how it wasn't going to last, and how I'd better grasp that moment forever.
The memory of that day makes me happy, yet inexplicably sad.
IT USED to be that it was only the high points of my life that I lived for, to cherish and preserve.
High points like being on a fabulously exciting date.
Or sitting in a dream car.
Travelling to an exciting destination.
Celebrating a big day in style and with beautiful and important people.
Achieving a career goal - getting a promotion, earning more money, being recognised for doing a job well.
Life had meaning only if there was frisson and there was glory, if there was something significant happening and I was in the thick of it and I felt special.
These days, I find myself thinking that it's not just the peaks in one's life that are worth measuring and treasuring.
Sometimes, mundane moments matter and, perhaps, matter more.
Perhaps it is a result of growing older and realising the fragility of life and how there may not be a tomorrow.
Or the recognition that, really, just how many high points can a life have?
Rather, it's the small and ordinary moments that string together to make up a meaningful existence. And instead of just tolerating them and living in hope for the Next Big Thing to unfold, why not make the small things count?
Why not be grateful for them?
In April this year, my mother and I went to my sister's home in the US to celebrate my nephew's first birthday.
My sister baked a tiny cake, my brother-in-law came back from work early, and we all headed for a roller-skating rink.
Two of my sister's friends joined us with their young sons and we went for pancakes at a small eatery later.
Then it was back home, a quick dinner and an early night.
It wasn't a big celebration. In fact, some would remark at the sheer ordinariness of what should have been a special day. Where was the fanciful party? The presents?
But for me, it was one of the happiest days of my life.
Everyone I cared about was with me. We got through the day safely.
It was as good as it got.
A FRIEND SMSed me the other night to say, arrgh, Dec 1 is already here.
I asked: Why don't you like Dec 1?
The year passed too quickly, he said. It's gone before you know it.
I see.
When you look back at 2004, what do you remember?
I think the tendency is to scan the past 12 months for the peaks and troughs.
What did I achieve? Where did I fail?
And when you look ahead at 2005, what do you want to see?
Achievements to be had? Failures to avoid? Big, happy, glorious moments?
Perhaps it is better that I aim to live for each moment, to make the most of it, and count my blessings.
After all, what's past cannot be undone, what's ahead is unknown but what I can shape is my here and now.
Things could change in a day, a minute and a second - and they do.
Isn't it safer to stick to the small stuff, to put your faith in the fragility of the moment and not expect too much?
I'm not saying that I should be so intent on appreciating the smallness of life that I denounce all dreams of bigger things.
But to bask in the ordinariness of the day is something I resolve to do.
For, more often than not, that moment of your life is as good as it will ever get.
How has 2004 been 4 u......it's been a great yr 4 me.....a lot o things happened...a lot o things really......it's been 1 yr.......wat's e next yr gg 2 b like......how do i 1 2 live it?????
Friday, December 03, 2004
provocative dressing.....
after reading abt e rose mary tan saga....it reminded me o another contentious comment made on radio by e infamous Sheikh Haikel who got fired fr perfect10 4 an insulting remark.... there was once when i was listening 2 their morning show; then sheikh made e comment tt women who dress provocatively, if they get raped, they shld b responsible 4 it!!!!! cos he said tt they r juz tempting e guys when they dress provocatively.....i was super pissed when i heard tt remark!!!! so i wrote in 2 give them a piece o my mind....below is my email & daniel ong's reply (cos dan & sheikh hosted e show 2gather).....
From: Bionicgal
Sent: Tue 4/13/2004 10:21 AM
To: Morning Show
Subject: provocative dressing???
Hi Dan & Haikel,
I seriously don't think it's a girl fault at all. Everyone has a right to her dressing. I seriously feel offended by Haikel's remark that girls who dress provocatively & got rape should hold some responsibility for it! There's precisely this kind of thinking that has prevented many victims from putting the culprit behind bars! This attitude has got to change! I read the newspaper (yesterday's Today) and found that there is approximately 1 rape case in every 3 days! If as a guy, the way that you dress becomes contentious, how would you feel? If I were to tell you that you look like a pig or something more insulting, is it my narrow sense of fashion or your total lack of it? If you feel comfortable in what you wear, that's all that really matters. Having temptations does not give you the excuse to commit rape or molest! If men (although biologically so) cannot resist temptation, should we just make it a law that all men should wear blindfolds so that there would not be any temptations? Or maybe we should be like the Talibans and mandate that all women should be covered up totally!
I'm sorry that I sound so angry, but this issue of women having to be responsible for her dressing has like I stated earlier prevented many victims from coming forward & this is totally sad. Please educate all listeners on this!
A truly controversial topic which seriously needs more attention. Happy reading to the millions of mails that you are bound to receive! Have a wonderful day ahead too!
Best of Regards,
Bionicgal
From: Morning Show [mailto:morningmadness@mediacorpradio.com]
Sent: Sat 17/04/2004 14:15
To: Bionicgal
Subject: RE: provocative dressing???
yo bionicgal,
hey!!!
thanks for your feedback!!!
noted...and with apologies if we offfended... will get it to sheikh too....
secondly, thanks for allowing us to be a part of your life, thanks for listening.
keep listening,
coz we will only get better!!! we promise...
love,
daniel ong
987fm
i wanted to write back when i saw e reply actually, cos i dun really tink they take my email seriously....but i didn't kick up a big fusss....come 2 tink o it i shld actually......but in any case they fired sheikh.....smart move!!!!! but wif pple like sheikh, then we wld know tt more oublic education is needed!!!!
From: Bionicgal
Sent: Tue 4/13/2004 10:21 AM
To: Morning Show
Subject: provocative dressing???
Hi Dan & Haikel,
I seriously don't think it's a girl fault at all. Everyone has a right to her dressing. I seriously feel offended by Haikel's remark that girls who dress provocatively & got rape should hold some responsibility for it! There's precisely this kind of thinking that has prevented many victims from putting the culprit behind bars! This attitude has got to change! I read the newspaper (yesterday's Today) and found that there is approximately 1 rape case in every 3 days! If as a guy, the way that you dress becomes contentious, how would you feel? If I were to tell you that you look like a pig or something more insulting, is it my narrow sense of fashion or your total lack of it? If you feel comfortable in what you wear, that's all that really matters. Having temptations does not give you the excuse to commit rape or molest! If men (although biologically so) cannot resist temptation, should we just make it a law that all men should wear blindfolds so that there would not be any temptations? Or maybe we should be like the Talibans and mandate that all women should be covered up totally!
I'm sorry that I sound so angry, but this issue of women having to be responsible for her dressing has like I stated earlier prevented many victims from coming forward & this is totally sad. Please educate all listeners on this!
A truly controversial topic which seriously needs more attention. Happy reading to the millions of mails that you are bound to receive! Have a wonderful day ahead too!
Best of Regards,
Bionicgal
From: Morning Show [mailto:morningmadness@mediacorpradio.com]
Sent: Sat 17/04/2004 14:15
To: Bionicgal
Subject: RE: provocative dressing???
yo bionicgal,
hey!!!
thanks for your feedback!!!
noted...and with apologies if we offfended... will get it to sheikh too....
secondly, thanks for allowing us to be a part of your life, thanks for listening.
keep listening,
coz we will only get better!!! we promise...
love,
daniel ong
987fm
i wanted to write back when i saw e reply actually, cos i dun really tink they take my email seriously....but i didn't kick up a big fusss....come 2 tink o it i shld actually......but in any case they fired sheikh.....smart move!!!!! but wif pple like sheikh, then we wld know tt more oublic education is needed!!!!
rose mary tan........
Today December 3, 2004
Wong Hoong Hooi: Beyond gender politics
The women's movement here seems to prefer to focus on physical violence against women.
Acknowledging that boyfriends and husbands who are dominated also suffer abuse and bullying in silence does not seem to be in harmony with its notion of female victimisation.
Far from being naive, Ms Rose Mary Tan ("End of Abuse Within Reach", Nov 30) sees that focusing on providing the right family environment so that boys and girls are less likely to become abusers is far more positive than finger--pointing gender politics.
No doubt tt husband/boyfriend do get abused 2, however e way tt rose mary tan puts it across, it simply implies tt e wife/gfriend is at fault 2 b abused!!!!
Michael Chua Kheng Hwee: Nagging cause of men's violence
Perhaps the reason men tend to get violent with their wives could be due to the fact they are less articulate. When wives nag them, they may not be able to argue back as well as they would like to. So, they turn to the use of their fists.
The woman might save her skin by cutting down on nagging. The man might avoid his wife's nagging by exhibiting more "desirable" behaviour. The man who sows violence today, shall surely reap it someday.
do women like 2 nag??? y do women nag???? cos tt's e only way tt we can get e dumb ass o a husband/bfriend 2 respond.....being less articulate doesn't give u e rite 2 b violent!!!!
Wong Hoong Hooi: Beyond gender politics
The women's movement here seems to prefer to focus on physical violence against women.
Acknowledging that boyfriends and husbands who are dominated also suffer abuse and bullying in silence does not seem to be in harmony with its notion of female victimisation.
Far from being naive, Ms Rose Mary Tan ("End of Abuse Within Reach", Nov 30) sees that focusing on providing the right family environment so that boys and girls are less likely to become abusers is far more positive than finger--pointing gender politics.
No doubt tt husband/boyfriend do get abused 2, however e way tt rose mary tan puts it across, it simply implies tt e wife/gfriend is at fault 2 b abused!!!!
Michael Chua Kheng Hwee: Nagging cause of men's violence
Perhaps the reason men tend to get violent with their wives could be due to the fact they are less articulate. When wives nag them, they may not be able to argue back as well as they would like to. So, they turn to the use of their fists.
The woman might save her skin by cutting down on nagging. The man might avoid his wife's nagging by exhibiting more "desirable" behaviour. The man who sows violence today, shall surely reap it someday.
do women like 2 nag??? y do women nag???? cos tt's e only way tt we can get e dumb ass o a husband/bfriend 2 respond.....being less articulate doesn't give u e rite 2 b violent!!!!
i hate it when pple do it...
Today Dec 3 2004
When one person's comfort is another's pain
AN unsolicited massage in the bus is an irritating experience.
It is when you suddenly feel a pressure on your cushioned back-rest. You turn around to find that the passenger behind you, has his or her knees up against your back-rest.
It may be relaxing for him but painful for you. Have you been a victim? Or were you guilty of doing this to the passenger in front of you?
I have been a victim several times while on my way home from a tiring day at work. There were days when I politely whispered to the guilty passenger "can you please take your knees off?"
Thankfully, most of them complied, despite my small-framed, bespectacled appearance.
There were days when I just avoided confrontation and moved to another seat.
But on some days, I was in the mood for a fight and gave the offender a dose of his/her own medicine.
There's no mystery to why passengers do this. It's comfortable. But please remember, the next time you are tempted to do so, your comfort is somebody else's discomfort!
Bienvenido L Gonzalez IV
When one person's comfort is another's pain
AN unsolicited massage in the bus is an irritating experience.
It is when you suddenly feel a pressure on your cushioned back-rest. You turn around to find that the passenger behind you, has his or her knees up against your back-rest.
It may be relaxing for him but painful for you. Have you been a victim? Or were you guilty of doing this to the passenger in front of you?
I have been a victim several times while on my way home from a tiring day at work. There were days when I politely whispered to the guilty passenger "can you please take your knees off?"
Thankfully, most of them complied, despite my small-framed, bespectacled appearance.
There were days when I just avoided confrontation and moved to another seat.
But on some days, I was in the mood for a fight and gave the offender a dose of his/her own medicine.
There's no mystery to why passengers do this. It's comfortable. But please remember, the next time you are tempted to do so, your comfort is somebody else's discomfort!
Bienvenido L Gonzalez IV
Thursday, December 02, 2004
no blogging last nite....
was gg 2 blog last nite after work b4 tkd...but e site was down & also cos i was 2 scared 2 stay bk alone in e office after my colleague told me sme "history" abt e office.....anyway, very sleepy & in not much o a mood 2 blog.....
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
spousal violence.....date rape....
Today November 25, 2004
Let us speak of the unspeakable
Urgent need to halt violence against women
No sex please. We're Asians (for Asians, read "Singaporeans"). Sexual harassment is not a problem in our society. We are Asians. We don't talk about sex.
Aids affect homosexuals more than heterosexuals. So, blame it on homosexuals and the non-government organisations, who are not doing their job of educating the public. However, please don't talk about condoms. That would promote promiscuous behaviour. Further, of course, as we are Asians, we don't talk about sex. It's against our culture.
Here's one of my favourite quotes. Not long ago, a gynaecologist explained the shortage of sperm and eggs in hospitals by saying: "It's simply not in our culture … to donate sperm." I wonder which Asian society is being referred to here.
It certainly is not the Singapore we read about and see around us. Last year, a survey of singles revealed six out of 10 men had multiple partners, three out of 10 men had one-night stands and three in 10 men had paid for sex.
Last month, Today reported that more than 100 young men visited prostitutes in Bintan regularly every weekend and that even though no formal statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases were available, 23 Singaporeans between 20 and 29 years of age have tested HIV-positive in the first six months of the year. Statistics also reveal that more women are being infected with Aids. I wonder who is spreading that around. However, we don't talk about sex.
Not so long ago, we didn't talk about violence against women either — till the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) exploded the myth that in Singapore, such violence was not a serious problem, neither was rape and, of course, sexual harassment does not exist.
Raising awareness of problems related to power and sex is a hard and continuing problem, yet few want to talk about it. However, it needs to be talked about.
Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, a day to confront some of these issues. Aware is marking it by launching a two-week -long "White Ribbon campaign". It has been run by men since its launch in 1991, when Professor Michael Kaufman convinced more than 100,000 men in Canada to wear a white ribbon as a pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women. Today, the campaign has spread to 65 countries. However, (surprise, surprise) Aware couldn't find men to run the campaign here. It's just not in our culture, I suppose.
Aware's campaign leaflet revealed the following statistics, compiled from media reports: From January to June this year, 72 incidents of rape were reported with 39 of the victims being under 19 years of age. The youngest is nine years old.
Last year, there were 1,082 cases of molestation, which is about three a day. One female was raped every three days and 61 of 110 rape cases involved girls aged 19 or younger. Nine out of 10 rape victims knew their attackers.
Seven people experience violence in their homes daily. In more than 80 per cent of the cases of domestic violence, the spouse is the abuser. The average age of the victims is 34.2 years. The average age of molest victims is 11.9 years. The average age of rape victims is less than 15 years old. The youngest perpetrator is a 15-year-old boy who raped his five-year-old cousin.
As part of this campaign, I was one of the speakers going to schools to raise awareness about sexual abuses and I am alarmed at the level of ignorance among girls about their own vulnerability. Ignorance does not protect. Instead, it makes them more vulnerable to abuse.
Awareness empowers. Awareness is raised by talking about the issues to prevent the destruction of lives, of the individual's self-worth, through being infected by HIV or by being sexually abused. We need to speak of the unspeakable. Not to speak of it, not to act is to be irresponsible.
The writer is a social activist.
Constance Singam
news@newstoday.com.sg
Today Nov 30 2004
End to abuse within reach
It is not up to men to stop violence against women; education is key
I refer to Constance Singam's News Comment, "Let us speak of the unspeakable" (Nov 25).
Truly, only women can change and stop violence against women. We cannot depend on men to help us if we don't first help ourselves.
So what can be done? Teach wives to love their husbands.
To take care of them with love and kindness.
Do not punish them by making them abstain from meeting their sexual needs because we feel we are not getting what we want.
Take care of their daily needs like we would our own children, make sure they are fed, clothed, warm and happy sexually.
If one gives love, one can only receive love.
Teach them to be mothers again. Tell them the importance of breastfeeding a child.
Take the time to nurture children. Do not abandon them to caregivers and expect them to turn out right.
Teach mothers to feed their families well.
It has long been said that heavy consumption of red meat promotes violent behaviour. Eating lots of fruits and vegetables helps digestion, reduces constipation and promotes good health in mind and body.
Teach women to change the family's diet and change the future.
Rose Mary Tan
What e fuck is tis stupid woman (Rose Mary Tan) trying 2 do???? trying 2 pursuade every1 2 go on a vegetarian diet???? Super pissed off when i saw tis article!!!! & i believe i'm not e only 1....read e following.....
Today December 1, 2004
Victims of abuse not to blame
Naive advice of no help in coping with problem of violence against women
I refer to Rose Mary Tan's letter, "End of abuse within reach" (Nov 30). I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read her solutions for ending abuse. Having helped a close friend through three years of abuse by her husband, I can speak from experience: My friend was beaten up when she was nine months pregnant for preventing her husband from beating their daughter.
I was present at the hospital when she gave her statement to the police. At no time did the doctor, police or the court magistrate ask if her husband was constipated at the time of the assault.
At no time did they ask if she treated her daughter the same as her husband (as Rose Mary states: "Take care of their daily needs like we would our own children, make sure they are happy, warm and happy sexually.").
My friend only refused her husband once, and that was when he had her held hostage for 13 hours and tortured her.
Rose Mary also states, "If one gives love, one can only receive love." I would like to visit this utopia that she lives in. The reason my friend endured three years of violence is that she loved this man so much that she forgave him each time he said he was sorry.
Domestic violence has nothing to do with eating red meat, constipation or not treating men like children. It is about the abuse of power.
Using violence against another human being has nothing to do with love or the lack of it.
A man who hits his wife is a bully who knows his victim doesn't have the power or the will to get away. He knows that her love for him will keep her tied to him no matter how badly he treats her, and this makes him feel omnipotent.
That society turns a blind eye is affirmation, as he knows nobody will interfere. The longer he gets away with it, the more his violence escalates until it becomes an addiction.
The idea that this psychological defect can be corrected by giving a man everything he wants and feeding him a vegetarian diet is a sad reflection on how society values women: "It's not the man's fault, it's his mother's or wife's fault for not treating him as a god."
Violence in any area of life is unacceptable and inexcusable.
Kate Smith
Today December 1, 2004
Victims of abuse not to blame: Part 2
However well-intentioned, Ms Rose Mary Tan's recommendations wrongly blame women for domestic abuse and offer easy excuses for the unjustifiable levels of physical and verbal violence victims endure.
Victims of domestic abuse — predominantly female — are doubly shackled by the psychological and often financial hold their abusers have over them, and by an unsympathetic society that clings to the sadistic belief that they deserve their suffering. The result is that victims — women, children and men — suffer in silence because the majority cannot or will not acknowledge that domestic abuse is a social problem.
It is precisely this kind of hypocrisy that Ms Constance Singam condemned in her article ("Let us speak of the unspeakable", Nov 25).
Leon Lim Wen Hui
Today December 1, 2004
Victims of abuse not to blame: Part 3
Like Ms Tan, I would like to believe that "if one gives love, one can only receive love".
Unfortunately, experience has taught me that this is not always the case.
Has Ms Tan ever met anyone who has been abused? What she would tell a woman who has been beaten up by her husband just for asking: "Will you be home late tonight, dear"? What she would tell a girl who was raped by her uncle despite shouting "No!" throughout?
Yes, education is the key. But not in the way Ms Tan suggested. We must teach girls and boys about mutual respect, not to think that they know better than their partners and how to recognise and address an abusive relationship.
Tan Joo Hymn
Today November 27, 2004
THE HORROR, the humiliation
RAPE ...
Ng Shing Yishingyi@newstoday.com.sg
"WE WERE in his bedroom and no one was at home. He was living with his mum and sister who were at work that afternoon."
It started off with us having a heated discussion about his smoking habit. I was trying to take a pack of cigarettes away from him and suddenly he got very agitated and started saying that I was trying to control him and run his life. I didn't understand that he was actually angry with me.
"We were struggling on the bed and before I realised what was happening, he had pinned me down and was sitting on me. He had one hand over my face and neck. I felt like I was being strangled. I was focused on this and I didn't expect what came next — he raped me."
I was really scared for a while and didn't believe what he was trying to do. That probably gave him an advantage because I was so slow to react to what was happening, and when it was happening I couldn't do anything to stop it."
I remember thinking that he couldn't be THAT strong but I couldn't do anything to stop him. I kept thinking that this is not how I want to lose my virginity. All the time when I was trying to get him off me, I kept saying to myself that this can't happen because it is not supposed to happen."
May was just 17 when she was raped. And as in so many other cases of rape, it was by a man she considered a friend.
THE statistics on sexual violence against women in Singapore are startling. Every day, there are three molest cases. And every three days or so, a rape occurs. In nine of 10 of these rapes, the assailant is a family member, a friend or an acquaintance. These numbers, compiled from media reports by the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware), may only scratch the surface of the situation, said Nominated MP and Aware president Braema Mathi.
"The figures are alarming, and what more of the unreported cases? These statistics only tell part of the story. There is another lot who hasn't come forward to report sexual violence against them, as these are the hardest acts to talk about for fear of taboo, humiliation or shame," she said.
For May, who is now 28 and happily engaged, it was years before she told anyone about her date rape. Years during which she had major self-confidence issues and problems with her relationships. "I think the biggest mistake I made was in not talking about it with someone as soon as it happened," said May (a pseudonym) in an email interview. "I was extremely ashamed of myself and I was sure no one would take me seriously especially since I was at his house when it happened. I really blamed myself for it, especially because my parents were strongly advising me not to get involved with any boys at that age.
"We were from the same school and I was afraid that if I made a fuss it would be all over the school. All sorts of weird thoughts were in my head for days after the incident and then I finally decided that I wasn't going to do anything about it. So I tried to put it behind me and live a normal life as much as I could."
But it never ever felt normal again. For years I had lots of problems with boyfriends. I had a lot of issues with my self-confidence and always found it easy to blame myself for things that went wrong in relationships."
I even stuck it out with a boyfriend who was very possessive and verbally abusive because I felt like I owed it to myself to make it right and not have another failure."
Rape victims are often very young. In the first six months of the year, the victims in 39 of the 72 rape cases reported in the media were aged 19 and below. The youngest was just nine years old. Because they are so young and feel so powerless, they often suffer in silence, said Aware counsellor Vera Handojo. "One of the youngest cases was a girl who had been raped when she was 3 or 4 years old, by her father. The incest went on for 10 years. Only when she was 25 did she seek help, belatedly," said Ms Handojo.
Another case was that of a 21-year-old girl who sought help after being molested by her divorced mother's boyfriend. She was "touched inappropriately" for at least eight years starting when she was eight years old."
They often feel like they have no choice but to put up with the violation, as they are dependent on their parents. When they do crack, they run away. Or perhaps their teachers find out. Only when they are adult and the assault is no longer happening, do they move out of the house, quietly leave the country, or stand up to their attackers," said Ms Handojo. May encourages victims of sexual assault to step forward and seek help, like she did.
"I wish I had reported it to the police and taken the proper actions. I wish I had confronted him for what he did rather than hide from it for such a long part of my life but I was extremely ashamed of myself, and I was sure no one would take me seriously," she said.
"I think every woman should be confident enough to know that when something like this happens, the last thing they should do is blame themselves because no matter where it happens or who the perpetrator is, there is just no excuse for it. It's as plain and simple as that. No one should put up with it and no one should ever feel ashamed to ask for help because help is always there."
BOX: If you are a victim of sexual violence, or see or suspect a case of violence against a woman, and would like to speak to someone about it, please call:
AWARE Helpline : 1800-774-5935
Family Service Centre Hotline: 1800-838-0100
Promoting Alternatives to Violence: 6555-0390
Family Protection Unit (Family Court): 6435-5077
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
Today November 30, 2004
Timely warning on the dangers of pre-marital sex
In conjunction with World Aids Day tomorrow, I would like to urge Singapore parents to remind their teenage children of the very real dangers of pre-marital sex.
As of last year, Singapore had 14 detected cases of teenagers with Aids. Just listen to their "too-late" regrets:
John, 20: "Plans? I don't make any plans. How to when you don't have a future?"
Veronica, 18: "When we first had sex, you think it just can't happen to you. I mean how unlucky can you get? Besides, I trusted my boyfriend. Now I feel I have no control over my own life.
"For a teenage girl, to be pregnant with an unwanted baby is not as disastrous as contracting Aids. Aids can also be transmitted from an infected mother to her baby.
An American doctor who has treated many teenage Aids victims had these wise words: "I'm going to tell my daughters that having sex is dangerous and that condoms give a false sense of security. "Reducing is not the same as eliminating the risk of a disease like Aids. There is no safe sex. We should stop kidding ourselves. Passing out condoms to teenagers is like issuing them squirt guns for a four-alarm blaze.
"Concerned parents should ponder: While your son or daughter may be well brought up, if he or she should fall in love and marry someone who has been "sleeping around", the risk of Aids is not only just for your child, but your future grandchildren as well.
See Leong Kit
Is it cos pple r more causal wif sex tt rape by pple victims know increase????
Let us speak of the unspeakable
Urgent need to halt violence against women
No sex please. We're Asians (for Asians, read "Singaporeans"). Sexual harassment is not a problem in our society. We are Asians. We don't talk about sex.
Aids affect homosexuals more than heterosexuals. So, blame it on homosexuals and the non-government organisations, who are not doing their job of educating the public. However, please don't talk about condoms. That would promote promiscuous behaviour. Further, of course, as we are Asians, we don't talk about sex. It's against our culture.
Here's one of my favourite quotes. Not long ago, a gynaecologist explained the shortage of sperm and eggs in hospitals by saying: "It's simply not in our culture … to donate sperm." I wonder which Asian society is being referred to here.
It certainly is not the Singapore we read about and see around us. Last year, a survey of singles revealed six out of 10 men had multiple partners, three out of 10 men had one-night stands and three in 10 men had paid for sex.
Last month, Today reported that more than 100 young men visited prostitutes in Bintan regularly every weekend and that even though no formal statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases were available, 23 Singaporeans between 20 and 29 years of age have tested HIV-positive in the first six months of the year. Statistics also reveal that more women are being infected with Aids. I wonder who is spreading that around. However, we don't talk about sex.
Not so long ago, we didn't talk about violence against women either — till the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) exploded the myth that in Singapore, such violence was not a serious problem, neither was rape and, of course, sexual harassment does not exist.
Raising awareness of problems related to power and sex is a hard and continuing problem, yet few want to talk about it. However, it needs to be talked about.
Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, a day to confront some of these issues. Aware is marking it by launching a two-week -long "White Ribbon campaign". It has been run by men since its launch in 1991, when Professor Michael Kaufman convinced more than 100,000 men in Canada to wear a white ribbon as a pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women. Today, the campaign has spread to 65 countries. However, (surprise, surprise) Aware couldn't find men to run the campaign here. It's just not in our culture, I suppose.
Aware's campaign leaflet revealed the following statistics, compiled from media reports: From January to June this year, 72 incidents of rape were reported with 39 of the victims being under 19 years of age. The youngest is nine years old.
Last year, there were 1,082 cases of molestation, which is about three a day. One female was raped every three days and 61 of 110 rape cases involved girls aged 19 or younger. Nine out of 10 rape victims knew their attackers.
Seven people experience violence in their homes daily. In more than 80 per cent of the cases of domestic violence, the spouse is the abuser. The average age of the victims is 34.2 years. The average age of molest victims is 11.9 years. The average age of rape victims is less than 15 years old. The youngest perpetrator is a 15-year-old boy who raped his five-year-old cousin.
As part of this campaign, I was one of the speakers going to schools to raise awareness about sexual abuses and I am alarmed at the level of ignorance among girls about their own vulnerability. Ignorance does not protect. Instead, it makes them more vulnerable to abuse.
Awareness empowers. Awareness is raised by talking about the issues to prevent the destruction of lives, of the individual's self-worth, through being infected by HIV or by being sexually abused. We need to speak of the unspeakable. Not to speak of it, not to act is to be irresponsible.
The writer is a social activist.
Constance Singam
news@newstoday.com.sg
Today Nov 30 2004
End to abuse within reach
It is not up to men to stop violence against women; education is key
I refer to Constance Singam's News Comment, "Let us speak of the unspeakable" (Nov 25).
Truly, only women can change and stop violence against women. We cannot depend on men to help us if we don't first help ourselves.
So what can be done? Teach wives to love their husbands.
To take care of them with love and kindness.
Do not punish them by making them abstain from meeting their sexual needs because we feel we are not getting what we want.
Take care of their daily needs like we would our own children, make sure they are fed, clothed, warm and happy sexually.
If one gives love, one can only receive love.
Teach them to be mothers again. Tell them the importance of breastfeeding a child.
Take the time to nurture children. Do not abandon them to caregivers and expect them to turn out right.
Teach mothers to feed their families well.
It has long been said that heavy consumption of red meat promotes violent behaviour. Eating lots of fruits and vegetables helps digestion, reduces constipation and promotes good health in mind and body.
Teach women to change the family's diet and change the future.
Rose Mary Tan
What e fuck is tis stupid woman (Rose Mary Tan) trying 2 do???? trying 2 pursuade every1 2 go on a vegetarian diet???? Super pissed off when i saw tis article!!!! & i believe i'm not e only 1....read e following.....
Today December 1, 2004
Victims of abuse not to blame
Naive advice of no help in coping with problem of violence against women
I refer to Rose Mary Tan's letter, "End of abuse within reach" (Nov 30). I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read her solutions for ending abuse. Having helped a close friend through three years of abuse by her husband, I can speak from experience: My friend was beaten up when she was nine months pregnant for preventing her husband from beating their daughter.
I was present at the hospital when she gave her statement to the police. At no time did the doctor, police or the court magistrate ask if her husband was constipated at the time of the assault.
At no time did they ask if she treated her daughter the same as her husband (as Rose Mary states: "Take care of their daily needs like we would our own children, make sure they are happy, warm and happy sexually.").
My friend only refused her husband once, and that was when he had her held hostage for 13 hours and tortured her.
Rose Mary also states, "If one gives love, one can only receive love." I would like to visit this utopia that she lives in. The reason my friend endured three years of violence is that she loved this man so much that she forgave him each time he said he was sorry.
Domestic violence has nothing to do with eating red meat, constipation or not treating men like children. It is about the abuse of power.
Using violence against another human being has nothing to do with love or the lack of it.
A man who hits his wife is a bully who knows his victim doesn't have the power or the will to get away. He knows that her love for him will keep her tied to him no matter how badly he treats her, and this makes him feel omnipotent.
That society turns a blind eye is affirmation, as he knows nobody will interfere. The longer he gets away with it, the more his violence escalates until it becomes an addiction.
The idea that this psychological defect can be corrected by giving a man everything he wants and feeding him a vegetarian diet is a sad reflection on how society values women: "It's not the man's fault, it's his mother's or wife's fault for not treating him as a god."
Violence in any area of life is unacceptable and inexcusable.
Kate Smith
Today December 1, 2004
Victims of abuse not to blame: Part 2
However well-intentioned, Ms Rose Mary Tan's recommendations wrongly blame women for domestic abuse and offer easy excuses for the unjustifiable levels of physical and verbal violence victims endure.
Victims of domestic abuse — predominantly female — are doubly shackled by the psychological and often financial hold their abusers have over them, and by an unsympathetic society that clings to the sadistic belief that they deserve their suffering. The result is that victims — women, children and men — suffer in silence because the majority cannot or will not acknowledge that domestic abuse is a social problem.
It is precisely this kind of hypocrisy that Ms Constance Singam condemned in her article ("Let us speak of the unspeakable", Nov 25).
Leon Lim Wen Hui
Today December 1, 2004
Victims of abuse not to blame: Part 3
Like Ms Tan, I would like to believe that "if one gives love, one can only receive love".
Unfortunately, experience has taught me that this is not always the case.
Has Ms Tan ever met anyone who has been abused? What she would tell a woman who has been beaten up by her husband just for asking: "Will you be home late tonight, dear"? What she would tell a girl who was raped by her uncle despite shouting "No!" throughout?
Yes, education is the key. But not in the way Ms Tan suggested. We must teach girls and boys about mutual respect, not to think that they know better than their partners and how to recognise and address an abusive relationship.
Tan Joo Hymn
Today November 27, 2004
THE HORROR, the humiliation
RAPE ...
Ng Shing Yishingyi@newstoday.com.sg
"WE WERE in his bedroom and no one was at home. He was living with his mum and sister who were at work that afternoon."
It started off with us having a heated discussion about his smoking habit. I was trying to take a pack of cigarettes away from him and suddenly he got very agitated and started saying that I was trying to control him and run his life. I didn't understand that he was actually angry with me.
"We were struggling on the bed and before I realised what was happening, he had pinned me down and was sitting on me. He had one hand over my face and neck. I felt like I was being strangled. I was focused on this and I didn't expect what came next — he raped me."
I was really scared for a while and didn't believe what he was trying to do. That probably gave him an advantage because I was so slow to react to what was happening, and when it was happening I couldn't do anything to stop it."
I remember thinking that he couldn't be THAT strong but I couldn't do anything to stop him. I kept thinking that this is not how I want to lose my virginity. All the time when I was trying to get him off me, I kept saying to myself that this can't happen because it is not supposed to happen."
May was just 17 when she was raped. And as in so many other cases of rape, it was by a man she considered a friend.
THE statistics on sexual violence against women in Singapore are startling. Every day, there are three molest cases. And every three days or so, a rape occurs. In nine of 10 of these rapes, the assailant is a family member, a friend or an acquaintance. These numbers, compiled from media reports by the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware), may only scratch the surface of the situation, said Nominated MP and Aware president Braema Mathi.
"The figures are alarming, and what more of the unreported cases? These statistics only tell part of the story. There is another lot who hasn't come forward to report sexual violence against them, as these are the hardest acts to talk about for fear of taboo, humiliation or shame," she said.
For May, who is now 28 and happily engaged, it was years before she told anyone about her date rape. Years during which she had major self-confidence issues and problems with her relationships. "I think the biggest mistake I made was in not talking about it with someone as soon as it happened," said May (a pseudonym) in an email interview. "I was extremely ashamed of myself and I was sure no one would take me seriously especially since I was at his house when it happened. I really blamed myself for it, especially because my parents were strongly advising me not to get involved with any boys at that age.
"We were from the same school and I was afraid that if I made a fuss it would be all over the school. All sorts of weird thoughts were in my head for days after the incident and then I finally decided that I wasn't going to do anything about it. So I tried to put it behind me and live a normal life as much as I could."
But it never ever felt normal again. For years I had lots of problems with boyfriends. I had a lot of issues with my self-confidence and always found it easy to blame myself for things that went wrong in relationships."
I even stuck it out with a boyfriend who was very possessive and verbally abusive because I felt like I owed it to myself to make it right and not have another failure."
Rape victims are often very young. In the first six months of the year, the victims in 39 of the 72 rape cases reported in the media were aged 19 and below. The youngest was just nine years old. Because they are so young and feel so powerless, they often suffer in silence, said Aware counsellor Vera Handojo. "One of the youngest cases was a girl who had been raped when she was 3 or 4 years old, by her father. The incest went on for 10 years. Only when she was 25 did she seek help, belatedly," said Ms Handojo.
Another case was that of a 21-year-old girl who sought help after being molested by her divorced mother's boyfriend. She was "touched inappropriately" for at least eight years starting when she was eight years old."
They often feel like they have no choice but to put up with the violation, as they are dependent on their parents. When they do crack, they run away. Or perhaps their teachers find out. Only when they are adult and the assault is no longer happening, do they move out of the house, quietly leave the country, or stand up to their attackers," said Ms Handojo. May encourages victims of sexual assault to step forward and seek help, like she did.
"I wish I had reported it to the police and taken the proper actions. I wish I had confronted him for what he did rather than hide from it for such a long part of my life but I was extremely ashamed of myself, and I was sure no one would take me seriously," she said.
"I think every woman should be confident enough to know that when something like this happens, the last thing they should do is blame themselves because no matter where it happens or who the perpetrator is, there is just no excuse for it. It's as plain and simple as that. No one should put up with it and no one should ever feel ashamed to ask for help because help is always there."
BOX: If you are a victim of sexual violence, or see or suspect a case of violence against a woman, and would like to speak to someone about it, please call:
AWARE Helpline : 1800-774-5935
Family Service Centre Hotline: 1800-838-0100
Promoting Alternatives to Violence: 6555-0390
Family Protection Unit (Family Court): 6435-5077
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
Today November 30, 2004
Timely warning on the dangers of pre-marital sex
In conjunction with World Aids Day tomorrow, I would like to urge Singapore parents to remind their teenage children of the very real dangers of pre-marital sex.
As of last year, Singapore had 14 detected cases of teenagers with Aids. Just listen to their "too-late" regrets:
John, 20: "Plans? I don't make any plans. How to when you don't have a future?"
Veronica, 18: "When we first had sex, you think it just can't happen to you. I mean how unlucky can you get? Besides, I trusted my boyfriend. Now I feel I have no control over my own life.
"For a teenage girl, to be pregnant with an unwanted baby is not as disastrous as contracting Aids. Aids can also be transmitted from an infected mother to her baby.
An American doctor who has treated many teenage Aids victims had these wise words: "I'm going to tell my daughters that having sex is dangerous and that condoms give a false sense of security. "Reducing is not the same as eliminating the risk of a disease like Aids. There is no safe sex. We should stop kidding ourselves. Passing out condoms to teenagers is like issuing them squirt guns for a four-alarm blaze.
"Concerned parents should ponder: While your son or daughter may be well brought up, if he or she should fall in love and marry someone who has been "sleeping around", the risk of Aids is not only just for your child, but your future grandchildren as well.
See Leong Kit
Is it cos pple r more causal wif sex tt rape by pple victims know increase????
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
hahaha....cold joke....
This is hilarious ......... even an Englishman could not concoct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Singaporeans.
Lim Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 0. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.This is what he came up with ......
"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushes out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw out. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he runs away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1"
Lim Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 0. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.This is what he came up with ......
"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushes out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw out. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he runs away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1"
Monday, November 29, 2004
courage....
"Should I spot Sunny - and my few remaining friends - on the street, I trust I can muster the energy to walk up to them and say 'hi'. For, really,that is all it takes to keep a friendship alive.
The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it. Remember that we pass this way only once. "The hardest part in loving a person from a distance is not being able to hold her hand and embrace her tight and tell her how much you love her - because you are only a friend.""
-from earlier entry on friendship....
easier said than done.....at least 4 me......
can sme1 explain e sentence in red 4 me????
The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it. Remember that we pass this way only once. "The hardest part in loving a person from a distance is not being able to hold her hand and embrace her tight and tell her how much you love her - because you are only a friend.""
-from earlier entry on friendship....
easier said than done.....at least 4 me......
can sme1 explain e sentence in red 4 me????
birthday....
happy belated bday 2 me.....thks mom 4 bringing me into tis world......
i never really like 2 celebrate my bday actually......i celebrate it cos then i can bring e impt pple in my life 2gather.......i tink tt's e only day when i've e "authority" 2 ask pple 2 drop everything else & come 2gather.....happy tt 7 o us were there ytd......sorry tt e dinner was so x.....i didn't know......i only tot it wld b a great place 2 check since there isn't usu a big crowd.....
1 person missing.....she was involved in n exhibition or smething like tt.....i feel tired......i smile 2 hide my tiredness......i open my eyes 2 show i'm awake......i like e feel o chatting......i like 2 know u r comfortable wif baring ur heart 2 me but at e same time i know there're still bits & pieces which every1 1 2 keep a secret.....
i really hope toto 2nite wld get every1 out o proverty.....i 1 2 let my parents go 4 a holiday...i will go wif them cos i never really appreciated them.....i know i wld b pissed at e trip, i know tt dad will always complain.....but all these i know but has it happened? no, not yet, so y not juz go 4 it, mayb it wldn't happen.....dun tink so much....no need 2 tink so much.....if it is as predicted, 100 marks 4 accuracy, if it doesn't it's a bonus!
shoot...i'm really juz writing down my random tots......
cross my fingers 4 e bonus 4 tis yr.....
happy birthday 2 me & 2 every1.......
shooting stars.....sunrise.....windy nite.....heart2heart........silly giggles.....laughing out loud.....mayb even crying/weeping......i'm waiting 4 e nite......
i never really like 2 celebrate my bday actually......i celebrate it cos then i can bring e impt pple in my life 2gather.......i tink tt's e only day when i've e "authority" 2 ask pple 2 drop everything else & come 2gather.....happy tt 7 o us were there ytd......sorry tt e dinner was so x.....i didn't know......i only tot it wld b a great place 2 check since there isn't usu a big crowd.....
1 person missing.....she was involved in n exhibition or smething like tt.....i feel tired......i smile 2 hide my tiredness......i open my eyes 2 show i'm awake......i like e feel o chatting......i like 2 know u r comfortable wif baring ur heart 2 me but at e same time i know there're still bits & pieces which every1 1 2 keep a secret.....
i really hope toto 2nite wld get every1 out o proverty.....i 1 2 let my parents go 4 a holiday...i will go wif them cos i never really appreciated them.....i know i wld b pissed at e trip, i know tt dad will always complain.....but all these i know but has it happened? no, not yet, so y not juz go 4 it, mayb it wldn't happen.....dun tink so much....no need 2 tink so much.....if it is as predicted, 100 marks 4 accuracy, if it doesn't it's a bonus!
shoot...i'm really juz writing down my random tots......
cross my fingers 4 e bonus 4 tis yr.....
happy birthday 2 me & 2 every1.......
shooting stars.....sunrise.....windy nite.....heart2heart........silly giggles.....laughing out loud.....mayb even crying/weeping......i'm waiting 4 e nite......
responsibilities.....
i know as u grow older, u've more & more responsibilities....i know it's inevitable....but really...i really dun 1 it.....tt's y i tink i'll never b a gd daughter, girlfriend or a mother.....i know i run whenever i sense committment.....e past few days made me tink more...even though i was in a concussed state most o e time......i'm irresponsible & i admit.....but i'm not doing anything abt it.....i dun 1 2 do anything abt it.....i 1 others 2 b responsible 4 me but at e same time i'm afraid when pple respond 2 gd 2 me cos i know i need 2 b responsible 2 them.....
i was disappointed then cos i really dunno y u acted tt way.....i tot every1 1ed 2 've fun 2gather....i tot it was gg 2 b a great time 4 u as well as 4 me....i know pple change....i dun blame them & i dun 've a choice anyway....i change 2....there had been many time b4 when i felt disappointed....i must admit.....but i know tt not everything comes as wat ur heart 1s....so i learn 2 accept it & i grew tired......i went 2 other pastures but i found tt i still long 4 e same pasture more.....although e pasture may not b wat it used 2 b, i still cherish it at least up till tis very moment.....many things r inevitable, but how do u get used 2 it???? y must u get used 2 it???? do we always have 2 follow convention???? i dun 1 2 but i didn't put in effort 2 change anything.....e only excuse i can give is tt i'm tired & i'm lazy......
i dunno if i'm making any sense now cos i'm still concussed at tis moment.....my brain's a total blank & i'm juz typing away without much tot......i dunno if i'll offend any1 whether it'll change anything if at all.......
last conclusion.....e person i never say hi 2, i tink i'll never muster up e courage 2 say hi even if i meet him.....i dunno y but i know i wldn't.....i hope he says hi 1st cos i dun tink i'll unless he does it.....but y doesn't he say hi when he saw me???? i 1 2 know but i'm not doing anything......
problem wif me: i only tink i never do.....
concussed totally.....sleepy totally......lazy totally....
i was disappointed then cos i really dunno y u acted tt way.....i tot every1 1ed 2 've fun 2gather....i tot it was gg 2 b a great time 4 u as well as 4 me....i know pple change....i dun blame them & i dun 've a choice anyway....i change 2....there had been many time b4 when i felt disappointed....i must admit.....but i know tt not everything comes as wat ur heart 1s....so i learn 2 accept it & i grew tired......i went 2 other pastures but i found tt i still long 4 e same pasture more.....although e pasture may not b wat it used 2 b, i still cherish it at least up till tis very moment.....many things r inevitable, but how do u get used 2 it???? y must u get used 2 it???? do we always have 2 follow convention???? i dun 1 2 but i didn't put in effort 2 change anything.....e only excuse i can give is tt i'm tired & i'm lazy......
i dunno if i'm making any sense now cos i'm still concussed at tis moment.....my brain's a total blank & i'm juz typing away without much tot......i dunno if i'll offend any1 whether it'll change anything if at all.......
last conclusion.....e person i never say hi 2, i tink i'll never muster up e courage 2 say hi even if i meet him.....i dunno y but i know i wldn't.....i hope he says hi 1st cos i dun tink i'll unless he does it.....but y doesn't he say hi when he saw me???? i 1 2 know but i'm not doing anything......
problem wif me: i only tink i never do.....
concussed totally.....sleepy totally......lazy totally....
Friday, November 26, 2004
ST Nov 26, 2004
Mother is the most beautiful word
London - MOTHER is the most beautiful word in the English language, followed by passion, smile, love and eternity, according to a worldwide survey released yesterday.
The British Council, the government agency that promotes British culture around the globe, quizzed more than 40,000 people in 102 non-English speaking countries on their favourite words.
Fantastic, destiny, freedom, liberty and tranquility filled out the top 10 rankings of most beautiful English words, out of a list of 70 words.
Others that made the grade included lollipop (42), flip-flop (59), hen night (70) and banana (41), along with twinkle (23), hiccup (63) and oi (61).
'It is interesting that mother, the only word of the 70 that describes a direct relationship between people, came top of the poll,' said a British Council spokesman.
Father did not make the list at all. \-- AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE
Mother is the most beautiful word
London - MOTHER is the most beautiful word in the English language, followed by passion, smile, love and eternity, according to a worldwide survey released yesterday.
The British Council, the government agency that promotes British culture around the globe, quizzed more than 40,000 people in 102 non-English speaking countries on their favourite words.
Fantastic, destiny, freedom, liberty and tranquility filled out the top 10 rankings of most beautiful English words, out of a list of 70 words.
Others that made the grade included lollipop (42), flip-flop (59), hen night (70) and banana (41), along with twinkle (23), hiccup (63) and oi (61).
'It is interesting that mother, the only word of the 70 that describes a direct relationship between people, came top of the poll,' said a British Council spokesman.
Father did not make the list at all. \-- AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE
Thursday, November 25, 2004
friendship....
My friend sent me tis article & i tink i 1 2 share it....actually shldn't describe him as a friend....more o an acquaintance......sme1 i know in my sign lang class....dunno e exact date tt tis article was in e news.....
A moving article by Sumiko Tan:
StraitsTimes -
Too old to make new friends?
SUNNY, one of my dearest friends at work, will leaveThe Straits Times next month for greener pastures. He is not my first friend from the office to say goodbye. Over the years, there have been a handful of colleagues who became friends. In recent times, at least three others have also left. When Sunny told me that he was leaving, I moaned: 'With you gone, I will have hardly any friends left in the office!' Which set me thinking: At what point doesan acquaintance or colleague become a friend? And, to take a step back, what is this concept called 'friendship' anyway?
Indeed, what makes you click withone person and form a friendship with him, but not some other? If a friend is defined as someone I feel completely comfortable calling up at 3 am to bail me out of trouble - and Sunny will do so - then, alas, I don't have that many friends. Other than family members, I can count on just one female friend and three, at best four, male friends. But then, maybe that's plenty. As someone once said, one friend in a lifetime is much, two are many, three are hardly possible.
FRIENDSHIPS are different from relationships - and thank goodness for that. You can be great chums with your partner, of course, but a relationship is so much more complex. It is not only about that enrapturing feeling called love, but - if you are unlucky - also a host of murky emotions like jealousy, resentment, anger, pain and despair. Friendship is simpler and fills you, mostly, with harmless Type B emotions - kindliness, fondness, warmth and cordiality. With a lover, you make demands and have expectations. But with a friend, you're cool. You don't really owe him anything, or have to explain much, because, ultimately, you demand nothing more from each other than pleasant company and an occasional listening ear. Love, I read somewhere, is blind, but friendship closes its eyes. How true.
THE older I get, the more I value friends. Yet, ironically, I find that it is now not only harder for me to maintain old friendships, but also to form new ones. When I was in school, friendships came naturally. My friends and I moved in a pack - we ate, studied, gossiped and partied together. We exchanged secrets and gifts, sent cards and gave treats. Our friendships were firm, and sweet. Coming from an all-girls school, I didn't get to make male friends until I was in junior college. Initial shyness aside, I found that it was possible to have a platonic relationship with a guy, and that they made equally good friends. By the time I went to university, I was already attached, and had little time to make new friends, male or female. Then came working life.
Through sheer proximity and the amount of time spent together, it was inevitable that some colleagues became more than co workers. What is it that allows you to become friends with some people, and not others? Shared experience is one requisite, and the sharper it is, the better. For Sunny and I, it was our years spent pounding the same beat, politics. That X factor called 'chemistry' is another, and I suppose this explains how you can be firm friends with people who are very different from you.
THE saddest thing about friendship is that it can die.It doesn't come with a lifelong guarantee.
Distance is one killer. Unless you are diligent in keeping in touch with a friend, being far away can drive a wedge in your relationship. Changes in circumstance is another. It has been said that a friend in power is a friend lost, and I have found this to be true. When a friend moves up in life, he will become too busy for you, while you don't want to risk rejection by trying to keep in contact with him. Marriages have also caused friendships to fade as your spouse might not take to your friends.
Then there are friendships that die because they have simply run their course. I had a close female friend whom I had known since we were both 17. About four years back, after 16 years of keeping in touch through the mail, long hours on thephone and giggly lunches, our friendship died. Just like that. There was no quarrel, no disagreement, no underlying unhappiness or animosity or hurts. The plug was just pulled. The last time we saw each other was at lunch - in fact, it was to celebrate her birthday. We were our usual loud selves. After the meal, we gave our usual hug, said our usual cheery goodbyes and made our usual promise to meet again. We didn't call each other for weeks (which was normal, as we were both busy), then months (which began to feel a bit strange, but nothing to be alarmed about), then, yes, years (by then, it was too late to resuscitate the friendship).We did talk once, last year, when my father died and she called. I was grateful to hear from her and I know it took a lot for her to pick up the phone after so many years. I wish nothing but the best for her, and am always glad to hear from mutual friends that she is well. Yet, I know that if we were to bump into each other today, it would feel awkward.
IF I value friendship so much, why don't I just go forth and make more friends? It is easier said than done. People my age and older are busy with careers and family. I have fewer things in common with those younger. But the fault is mine. At my age, I lack the energy and enthusiasm.
Starting and maintaining a friendship might be far less arduous than a relationship, but it still requires effort. Do I have the strength for that on top of the other demands in my life? So, next month, I say goodbye to Sunny and I am left with one friend fewer at work. British writer Virginia Woolf once said: 'I have lost friends, some by death - others by sheer inability to cross the street.' Should I spot Sunny - and my few remaining friends - on the street, I trust I can muster the energy to walk up to them and say 'hi'. For, really,that is all it takes to keep a friendship alive.
The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it. Remember that we pass this way only once. "The hardest part in loving a person from a distance is not being able to hold her hand and embrace her tight and tell her how much you love her - because you are only a friend."
A moving article by Sumiko Tan:
StraitsTimes -
Too old to make new friends?
SUNNY, one of my dearest friends at work, will leaveThe Straits Times next month for greener pastures. He is not my first friend from the office to say goodbye. Over the years, there have been a handful of colleagues who became friends. In recent times, at least three others have also left. When Sunny told me that he was leaving, I moaned: 'With you gone, I will have hardly any friends left in the office!' Which set me thinking: At what point doesan acquaintance or colleague become a friend? And, to take a step back, what is this concept called 'friendship' anyway?
Indeed, what makes you click withone person and form a friendship with him, but not some other? If a friend is defined as someone I feel completely comfortable calling up at 3 am to bail me out of trouble - and Sunny will do so - then, alas, I don't have that many friends. Other than family members, I can count on just one female friend and three, at best four, male friends. But then, maybe that's plenty. As someone once said, one friend in a lifetime is much, two are many, three are hardly possible.
FRIENDSHIPS are different from relationships - and thank goodness for that. You can be great chums with your partner, of course, but a relationship is so much more complex. It is not only about that enrapturing feeling called love, but - if you are unlucky - also a host of murky emotions like jealousy, resentment, anger, pain and despair. Friendship is simpler and fills you, mostly, with harmless Type B emotions - kindliness, fondness, warmth and cordiality. With a lover, you make demands and have expectations. But with a friend, you're cool. You don't really owe him anything, or have to explain much, because, ultimately, you demand nothing more from each other than pleasant company and an occasional listening ear. Love, I read somewhere, is blind, but friendship closes its eyes. How true.
THE older I get, the more I value friends. Yet, ironically, I find that it is now not only harder for me to maintain old friendships, but also to form new ones. When I was in school, friendships came naturally. My friends and I moved in a pack - we ate, studied, gossiped and partied together. We exchanged secrets and gifts, sent cards and gave treats. Our friendships were firm, and sweet. Coming from an all-girls school, I didn't get to make male friends until I was in junior college. Initial shyness aside, I found that it was possible to have a platonic relationship with a guy, and that they made equally good friends. By the time I went to university, I was already attached, and had little time to make new friends, male or female. Then came working life.
Through sheer proximity and the amount of time spent together, it was inevitable that some colleagues became more than co workers. What is it that allows you to become friends with some people, and not others? Shared experience is one requisite, and the sharper it is, the better. For Sunny and I, it was our years spent pounding the same beat, politics. That X factor called 'chemistry' is another, and I suppose this explains how you can be firm friends with people who are very different from you.
THE saddest thing about friendship is that it can die.It doesn't come with a lifelong guarantee.
Distance is one killer. Unless you are diligent in keeping in touch with a friend, being far away can drive a wedge in your relationship. Changes in circumstance is another. It has been said that a friend in power is a friend lost, and I have found this to be true. When a friend moves up in life, he will become too busy for you, while you don't want to risk rejection by trying to keep in contact with him. Marriages have also caused friendships to fade as your spouse might not take to your friends.
Then there are friendships that die because they have simply run their course. I had a close female friend whom I had known since we were both 17. About four years back, after 16 years of keeping in touch through the mail, long hours on thephone and giggly lunches, our friendship died. Just like that. There was no quarrel, no disagreement, no underlying unhappiness or animosity or hurts. The plug was just pulled. The last time we saw each other was at lunch - in fact, it was to celebrate her birthday. We were our usual loud selves. After the meal, we gave our usual hug, said our usual cheery goodbyes and made our usual promise to meet again. We didn't call each other for weeks (which was normal, as we were both busy), then months (which began to feel a bit strange, but nothing to be alarmed about), then, yes, years (by then, it was too late to resuscitate the friendship).We did talk once, last year, when my father died and she called. I was grateful to hear from her and I know it took a lot for her to pick up the phone after so many years. I wish nothing but the best for her, and am always glad to hear from mutual friends that she is well. Yet, I know that if we were to bump into each other today, it would feel awkward.
IF I value friendship so much, why don't I just go forth and make more friends? It is easier said than done. People my age and older are busy with careers and family. I have fewer things in common with those younger. But the fault is mine. At my age, I lack the energy and enthusiasm.
Starting and maintaining a friendship might be far less arduous than a relationship, but it still requires effort. Do I have the strength for that on top of the other demands in my life? So, next month, I say goodbye to Sunny and I am left with one friend fewer at work. British writer Virginia Woolf once said: 'I have lost friends, some by death - others by sheer inability to cross the street.' Should I spot Sunny - and my few remaining friends - on the street, I trust I can muster the energy to walk up to them and say 'hi'. For, really,that is all it takes to keep a friendship alive.
The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it. Remember that we pass this way only once. "The hardest part in loving a person from a distance is not being able to hold her hand and embrace her tight and tell her how much you love her - because you are only a friend."
Stand up for S'pore.......
No matter how others might judge S'pore, no matter how many times we complain abt S'pore, no matter how much we hate having 2 listen 2 e govt, no matter how we always 've 2 get tt piece o paper at all cost, I STILL LOVE SINGAPORE!!!!
ST Nov 25, 2004
Hats off to an admirable state
By Lin Bao Ling
SOMETIMES, I must take my hat off to Singapore. As I say this, I am in central-northern Malaysia. So, I do not have the love-hate feelings about Singapore I would have if I were in Johor Baru, which is a strip of water away from the Republic. But like 'Federation people', as we are known to Singaporeans, I am both envious and jealous of our small but rich neighbouring state.
The Republic is a truly amazing country and its government is remarkable. But even as I say this, I still think that Singapore is too modernised and orderly, lacking freedom, imagination and creativity. And I still feel contemptuous of Mr Lee Kuan Yew's policy on Chinese education in the past.
But I have always admired Singapore for its determination to advance towards the goal it has set for itself without being bothered by what other countries think. Such an attitude, which is neither overbearing nor servile, has propelled the country from a tiny barren island to become one of the Asian dragons.
I feel many Third World and developing countries require 'iron-fist' rule, because of their low levels of education and civic consciousness.
But I also think that Mr Lee is a most outstanding and clever 'dictator'. He built a development track for Singapore and it went on to pursue its dream of becoming a modern city and free port, dumping Chinese education and most of the culture and the arts.
Reality proves that he has succeeded. While others are judging his successes and failures, and even as the disputes with Malaysia go on, Singapore stands tall, delivering a sterling performance in efficiency, non-corruptibility and law and order.
Mr Lee chose to emphasise science and commercial subjects for Singapore schools, for practical reasons, and de-emphasise languages other than English, in the process resulting in the closure of the Nanyang University.
However, what I find most admirable about Singapore is not its success but its approach in dealing with mistakes. In the eyes of many people, Mr Lee is not a charming leader. But he is serious in admitting, as he does now, that it was a mistake to give up on Chinese education.
Immediately after his remark, Singapore implemented plans to reform the teaching of the Chinese language in schools, and to introduce the 'Recognise First, Write Later' way of teaching.
This is yet another example of the government's efficiency. It will not make policy changes
overnight. But once it is determined to do something, it will carry through with it and results will show very quickly.
This is the reason why many Malaysians are afraid of Singapore. Based on objective circumstances, we should have done better than Singapore, but we have not. So whenever foreigners give Singapore bad reviews, or low scores on press freedom, or for being too modernised and orderly, we cannot help but feel gleeful.
Even as Singapore moves fast on Chinese education, many Malaysian Chinese still snort in contempt, saying that even if Singapore were to revive Chinese education, the materialistic place would not produce any Chinese literati.
Responding to such criticisms, Singaporeans will shrug them off with a smile and a 'so what?'. It irks you but you have to take your hat off to it.
I guess as I ramble on, Singapore has taken another stride forward.
-- This commentary, translated from Mandarin, appeared in Malaysia's Sin Chew Daily last Saturday.
ST Nov 25, 2004
Hats off to an admirable state
By Lin Bao Ling
SOMETIMES, I must take my hat off to Singapore. As I say this, I am in central-northern Malaysia. So, I do not have the love-hate feelings about Singapore I would have if I were in Johor Baru, which is a strip of water away from the Republic. But like 'Federation people', as we are known to Singaporeans, I am both envious and jealous of our small but rich neighbouring state.
The Republic is a truly amazing country and its government is remarkable. But even as I say this, I still think that Singapore is too modernised and orderly, lacking freedom, imagination and creativity. And I still feel contemptuous of Mr Lee Kuan Yew's policy on Chinese education in the past.
But I have always admired Singapore for its determination to advance towards the goal it has set for itself without being bothered by what other countries think. Such an attitude, which is neither overbearing nor servile, has propelled the country from a tiny barren island to become one of the Asian dragons.
I feel many Third World and developing countries require 'iron-fist' rule, because of their low levels of education and civic consciousness.
But I also think that Mr Lee is a most outstanding and clever 'dictator'. He built a development track for Singapore and it went on to pursue its dream of becoming a modern city and free port, dumping Chinese education and most of the culture and the arts.
Reality proves that he has succeeded. While others are judging his successes and failures, and even as the disputes with Malaysia go on, Singapore stands tall, delivering a sterling performance in efficiency, non-corruptibility and law and order.
Mr Lee chose to emphasise science and commercial subjects for Singapore schools, for practical reasons, and de-emphasise languages other than English, in the process resulting in the closure of the Nanyang University.
However, what I find most admirable about Singapore is not its success but its approach in dealing with mistakes. In the eyes of many people, Mr Lee is not a charming leader. But he is serious in admitting, as he does now, that it was a mistake to give up on Chinese education.
Immediately after his remark, Singapore implemented plans to reform the teaching of the Chinese language in schools, and to introduce the 'Recognise First, Write Later' way of teaching.
This is yet another example of the government's efficiency. It will not make policy changes
overnight. But once it is determined to do something, it will carry through with it and results will show very quickly.
This is the reason why many Malaysians are afraid of Singapore. Based on objective circumstances, we should have done better than Singapore, but we have not. So whenever foreigners give Singapore bad reviews, or low scores on press freedom, or for being too modernised and orderly, we cannot help but feel gleeful.
Even as Singapore moves fast on Chinese education, many Malaysian Chinese still snort in contempt, saying that even if Singapore were to revive Chinese education, the materialistic place would not produce any Chinese literati.
Responding to such criticisms, Singaporeans will shrug them off with a smile and a 'so what?'. It irks you but you have to take your hat off to it.
I guess as I ramble on, Singapore has taken another stride forward.
-- This commentary, translated from Mandarin, appeared in Malaysia's Sin Chew Daily last Saturday.
abortion.....
was sort o talking abt tis topic wif my colleagues ytd......
i dun support abortion & i certainly wld never do it myself.....however i don't impose my objection o abortion on any other persons.....i believe tt every life conceived is a gift & it shldn't b taken away so easily.....
my colleague asked: "wat if u know tt e child is gg 2 b disabled or will never b a normal child, wld u abort it? can u imagine all e difficulties e child will have 2 face?"
my ans 2 tt is, if it's my child i will not abort it. if it's smebody else they 've 2 make their own judgements.....
i used 2 strongly support abortion becos i tink tt if u r not prepared 2 've a child then dun give birth 2 him/her cos u'll bring more harm 2 e child....
i changed my mind cos i had a dream.....in it, i was pregnant, & 4 sme reasons i had 2 abort it......till now i can still feel e heartache o aborting e child......it's juz a dream but i was so heart broken tt i cld never ever 've e courage 2 abort......
another story tt reinforced my conviction against abortion is that down-syndrome girl who made it thro' university.....i dun remember her name or her parents' name but e father used to be a big shoot in s'pore.....e story was in sunday times quite long ago.....
as long as u dun give up, tt's nothing impossible in e world!!!!
so no matter if e child is normal or not, she/he is a gift 2 u & they have every rite 2 b alive & born into tis world.....although e world is not perfect, she/he still deserves a change to know it!!!!
i dun support abortion & i certainly wld never do it myself.....however i don't impose my objection o abortion on any other persons.....i believe tt every life conceived is a gift & it shldn't b taken away so easily.....
my colleague asked: "wat if u know tt e child is gg 2 b disabled or will never b a normal child, wld u abort it? can u imagine all e difficulties e child will have 2 face?"
my ans 2 tt is, if it's my child i will not abort it. if it's smebody else they 've 2 make their own judgements.....
i used 2 strongly support abortion becos i tink tt if u r not prepared 2 've a child then dun give birth 2 him/her cos u'll bring more harm 2 e child....
i changed my mind cos i had a dream.....in it, i was pregnant, & 4 sme reasons i had 2 abort it......till now i can still feel e heartache o aborting e child......it's juz a dream but i was so heart broken tt i cld never ever 've e courage 2 abort......
another story tt reinforced my conviction against abortion is that down-syndrome girl who made it thro' university.....i dun remember her name or her parents' name but e father used to be a big shoot in s'pore.....e story was in sunday times quite long ago.....
as long as u dun give up, tt's nothing impossible in e world!!!!
so no matter if e child is normal or not, she/he is a gift 2 u & they have every rite 2 b alive & born into tis world.....although e world is not perfect, she/he still deserves a change to know it!!!!
ST Nov 25, 2004
Chilling e-mail by teen who fell to death
Worried by falling grades and parents' rows, she poured her heart out to unknown teacher
By Chong Chee Kin
PLAGUED by troubles in school and at home, a 16-year-old poured her heart out in an e-mail to a teacher, whom she addressed only as 'Mrs Tay'.
The teen was worried about sliding grades eroding her status at school and was troubled by her parents' frequent quarrels.
She also felt her nine-year-old brother was being favoured over her.
On Oct 6 last year, she fell to her death from Block 209, Toa Payoh North, after sneaking out of school during recess.
The previous month, she had been sent to see a counsellor, who did not detect any suicidal tendencies.
She had been sent by her form teacher, who was concerned after the teen asked if any student from her school had ever 'committed suicide after receiving examination results'.
Yesterday, at the start of the inquest into her death, the court ordered the media not to publish any information that would lead to the girl's identification.
Her family was not present at the inquiry when the court was shown a copy of the e-mail sent to Mrs Tay.
The copy was retrieved from her computer system after her death.
It was not mentioned yesterday when the e-mail was sent and the mysterious teacher has also not been tracked down.
Questioned by State Coroner Malcolm Tan, police staff sergeant Sivakumar Packrisamy said the police had been unable to find out who Mrs Tay was.
About her parents' bickering, the girl had written: 'They quarrel, not because they don't love each other, but because they love to quarrel.
'So what if I have a perfect roof over my head? It's shattered inwardly.'
She also wrote about her unhappiness that her father favoured her younger brother, giving him money to buy 'unnecessary things'.
'Even my brother suggests I die early,' she complained.
In school, she was bothered that she was not 'as popular' as before because of her academic performance.
She wrote of what she had read about how war and the Sars virus caused many to die.
'Is God waiting for us to die?' ran her chilling words.
'All of us will die one day... If we are a pest to others, we should die.'
The hearing has been adjourned until Jan 7 next year.
Call for help
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444 or e-mail pat@samaritans.org.sg
Family Service Centre: 1800-838-0100
Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre: 1800-353-5800
Sage helpline: 1800-353-8633
Touchline (Touch Youth Service): 1800-377-2252
How sad......e parents dun even know y their kid committ suicide.....how many times have a parent really tot abt wat their kid 1 & wat they r doing 2 e kid????
I was on my way 2 work tis morn on e mrt, & tis granny was talking so loudly....she was letting every1 know how naughty her grandchild was & tt she 1ed her 2 change tt's y she's scolding her in public.....e little girl (at most 7 yrs old) was visibly unhappy abt being talked abt in public.....e granny was gg on & on abt how she 1s e gd 4 e child & tt if she's naughty she's gg 2 send her 2 a home then she'll realise how fortunate she was.....granny went on & on abt how she was trying very hard 2 talk sense into e little girl but in my opinion she was not talking much sense!!!!
i cannot judge e granny on whether her method o parenting is rite or wrong cos i'm not a parent i can never understd how taxing & stressful it is 2 bring up a child.....however, i tink e most basic thing tt any parent shld 've is 2 respect e child.....e child has pride 2......
is such verbal threat (sending e child 2 a home if she's naughty; another threat she made was tt when granny die, she's gg 2 tell god tt e child was naughty & let god punish e little girl) child abuse???? does it not have n impact on e child's emotional well-being????
i kind o feel sad 4 e little girl but i dunno e whole story behind how naughty e child has been.....thus i can only say, parents pls treat ur child as an indv, not as ur property.......
Chilling e-mail by teen who fell to death
Worried by falling grades and parents' rows, she poured her heart out to unknown teacher
By Chong Chee Kin
PLAGUED by troubles in school and at home, a 16-year-old poured her heart out in an e-mail to a teacher, whom she addressed only as 'Mrs Tay'.
The teen was worried about sliding grades eroding her status at school and was troubled by her parents' frequent quarrels.
She also felt her nine-year-old brother was being favoured over her.
On Oct 6 last year, she fell to her death from Block 209, Toa Payoh North, after sneaking out of school during recess.
The previous month, she had been sent to see a counsellor, who did not detect any suicidal tendencies.
She had been sent by her form teacher, who was concerned after the teen asked if any student from her school had ever 'committed suicide after receiving examination results'.
Yesterday, at the start of the inquest into her death, the court ordered the media not to publish any information that would lead to the girl's identification.
Her family was not present at the inquiry when the court was shown a copy of the e-mail sent to Mrs Tay.
The copy was retrieved from her computer system after her death.
It was not mentioned yesterday when the e-mail was sent and the mysterious teacher has also not been tracked down.
Questioned by State Coroner Malcolm Tan, police staff sergeant Sivakumar Packrisamy said the police had been unable to find out who Mrs Tay was.
About her parents' bickering, the girl had written: 'They quarrel, not because they don't love each other, but because they love to quarrel.
'So what if I have a perfect roof over my head? It's shattered inwardly.'
She also wrote about her unhappiness that her father favoured her younger brother, giving him money to buy 'unnecessary things'.
'Even my brother suggests I die early,' she complained.
In school, she was bothered that she was not 'as popular' as before because of her academic performance.
She wrote of what she had read about how war and the Sars virus caused many to die.
'Is God waiting for us to die?' ran her chilling words.
'All of us will die one day... If we are a pest to others, we should die.'
The hearing has been adjourned until Jan 7 next year.
Call for help
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444 or e-mail pat@samaritans.org.sg
Family Service Centre: 1800-838-0100
Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre: 1800-353-5800
Sage helpline: 1800-353-8633
Touchline (Touch Youth Service): 1800-377-2252
How sad......e parents dun even know y their kid committ suicide.....how many times have a parent really tot abt wat their kid 1 & wat they r doing 2 e kid????
I was on my way 2 work tis morn on e mrt, & tis granny was talking so loudly....she was letting every1 know how naughty her grandchild was & tt she 1ed her 2 change tt's y she's scolding her in public.....e little girl (at most 7 yrs old) was visibly unhappy abt being talked abt in public.....e granny was gg on & on abt how she 1s e gd 4 e child & tt if she's naughty she's gg 2 send her 2 a home then she'll realise how fortunate she was.....granny went on & on abt how she was trying very hard 2 talk sense into e little girl but in my opinion she was not talking much sense!!!!
i cannot judge e granny on whether her method o parenting is rite or wrong cos i'm not a parent i can never understd how taxing & stressful it is 2 bring up a child.....however, i tink e most basic thing tt any parent shld 've is 2 respect e child.....e child has pride 2......
is such verbal threat (sending e child 2 a home if she's naughty; another threat she made was tt when granny die, she's gg 2 tell god tt e child was naughty & let god punish e little girl) child abuse???? does it not have n impact on e child's emotional well-being????
i kind o feel sad 4 e little girl but i dunno e whole story behind how naughty e child has been.....thus i can only say, parents pls treat ur child as an indv, not as ur property.......
Monday, November 22, 2004
've u ever wondered....
've u ever wondered if every1's borned kind or evil??????? i certainly hope it's e former or at least b borned neutral............i believe every1's gd at heart but it really makes me wonder y pple do harm 2 others......haizzzzzz.....
men r weak....
ST 2004.11.21
Lament of Miss Spinster: 'No one wants to date me'
BANGKOK
THE telephone does not ring any more. Since she won a beauty contest last year, this pretty, high-spirited, sociable woman cannot seem to get a date.
'They are afraid of me,' said the beauty queen, Miss Saovapa Devahastin. 'I've stood up for myself. I'm a confident, successful single woman, strong enough to take care of myself. This makes them nervous.'
Miss Saovapa is not just any beauty queen. She is Thailand's first Miss Spinster, a title that sounds as odd here as anywhere, but that in this male-dominated society amounts to a declaration of independence.
Unmarried by choice, Miss Saovapa, 38, and a growing number of successful professional women like her are challenging not only the traditional imperative of marriage and family, but also what they see as the delicate egos of Thai men.
'Sometimes they like to tease me,' she said. They say she is too choosy and too proud. But they keep their nervous distance. They are not sure how to behave around a woman who does not seem to need them.
'I think this idea of being independent and being your own person maybe overpowers them,' said Miss Saovapa, who works as a media planner in her brother's advertising agency and is studying for a master's degree in advertising and public relations.
'But at the same time, there are lots of women, lots of people, who admire what I'm doing and what I represent.'
The male ego may be delicate, but it is resilient.
When the Miss Spinster Thailand contest was announced early last year, men sent messages to its website offering to come to the rescue of the contestants.
'Right at the start, some of them got my phone number and they called me,' Miss Saovapa said.
'But they weren't asking for a date. They wanted me to be their secret mistress and let them take care of me.
'They said, 'You don't need to go on the contest. You don't need to stand up and say you're a spinster. I'll provide for your comfort'. It was crazy. They thought we were showing off our looks because we were desperate to find a man.'
The contestants, who wore evening dresses and answered questions from judges, included a marketing manager, a university associate professor, an entrepreneur, a senior officer at an aeronautical radio enterprise, a former volleyball champion, a sports equipment saleswoman and a souvenir shop owner who is a cousin of Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra.
They represent a growing urban middle class in which personal choice is replacing the hierarchies of family and community that bound traditional society. The patterns of change are not unlike those in other countries.
Not long after Miss Saovapa won her crown, the Thai Constitutional Court ruled that married women had the option of keeping their own surnames.
Indeed, the organisers of the beauty pageant remained somewhat hidebound in their definition of a spinster. The contest was for unmarried women as young as 28.
Even in this time of change, the family holds a core place in the lives of many people such as Miss Saovapa. Before entering the contest, she said, she sought the approval of her father.
'He was a bit old fashioned and I was afraid to ask his opinion. Then he said, 'Why not', and he helped coach me for the contest. That was wonderful.' -- New York Times
Lament of Miss Spinster: 'No one wants to date me'
BANGKOK
THE telephone does not ring any more. Since she won a beauty contest last year, this pretty, high-spirited, sociable woman cannot seem to get a date.
'They are afraid of me,' said the beauty queen, Miss Saovapa Devahastin. 'I've stood up for myself. I'm a confident, successful single woman, strong enough to take care of myself. This makes them nervous.'
Miss Saovapa is not just any beauty queen. She is Thailand's first Miss Spinster, a title that sounds as odd here as anywhere, but that in this male-dominated society amounts to a declaration of independence.
Unmarried by choice, Miss Saovapa, 38, and a growing number of successful professional women like her are challenging not only the traditional imperative of marriage and family, but also what they see as the delicate egos of Thai men.
'Sometimes they like to tease me,' she said. They say she is too choosy and too proud. But they keep their nervous distance. They are not sure how to behave around a woman who does not seem to need them.
'I think this idea of being independent and being your own person maybe overpowers them,' said Miss Saovapa, who works as a media planner in her brother's advertising agency and is studying for a master's degree in advertising and public relations.
'But at the same time, there are lots of women, lots of people, who admire what I'm doing and what I represent.'
The male ego may be delicate, but it is resilient.
When the Miss Spinster Thailand contest was announced early last year, men sent messages to its website offering to come to the rescue of the contestants.
'Right at the start, some of them got my phone number and they called me,' Miss Saovapa said.
'But they weren't asking for a date. They wanted me to be their secret mistress and let them take care of me.
'They said, 'You don't need to go on the contest. You don't need to stand up and say you're a spinster. I'll provide for your comfort'. It was crazy. They thought we were showing off our looks because we were desperate to find a man.'
The contestants, who wore evening dresses and answered questions from judges, included a marketing manager, a university associate professor, an entrepreneur, a senior officer at an aeronautical radio enterprise, a former volleyball champion, a sports equipment saleswoman and a souvenir shop owner who is a cousin of Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra.
They represent a growing urban middle class in which personal choice is replacing the hierarchies of family and community that bound traditional society. The patterns of change are not unlike those in other countries.
Not long after Miss Saovapa won her crown, the Thai Constitutional Court ruled that married women had the option of keeping their own surnames.
Indeed, the organisers of the beauty pageant remained somewhat hidebound in their definition of a spinster. The contest was for unmarried women as young as 28.
Even in this time of change, the family holds a core place in the lives of many people such as Miss Saovapa. Before entering the contest, she said, she sought the approval of her father.
'He was a bit old fashioned and I was afraid to ask his opinion. Then he said, 'Why not', and he helped coach me for the contest. That was wonderful.' -- New York Times
22nd river regatta 2004....
it was over in under 3mins......exciting, bruises all over, wet, dizzy...... felt like vomiting e min i finish rowing.....got worst when kj & ks turned me upside down, not once not twice but thrice....i tink tt's how i got e super ugly & painfully bruise on my thigh.....saw e finals ytd, not as exciting as when u r rowing o cos......& it was a rainy day......quite unlike e day tt we rowed......dunno wat i'm gg 2 do on suns now tt dragonboat is on break......mayb i shld start picking up & start looking at my heart & mind......
i saw him but i let him go...
i saw him ytd.....but i let him slipped away again......everytime i promised myself tt i'll say hi but i didn't....i juz let him walked passed......he didn't even c me i tink.....i tink my heart didn't skipped a beat when i saw him.....has it changed???? but now tinking abt it my heart aches a little....y didn't i say hi.......
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