Friday, May 04, 2007

梦里能找到自己吧。。

为什么长大了烦恼会越来越多呢???懂得越多是不是烦恼就越多???很累了可是就是不想睡。。。头都麻痹了。。。看到大家都忙着很重要的事。。。我好像好浪费时间。。。
我有好多东西想讲。。。可是又不知要讲什么。。。终觉得自己会浪费人家的时间。。。我的时间好像一点价值都没有。。。要的只是别人的肯定。。。有那么难吗???有时真的好像自私一点。。。不要想那么多。。。对自己好一点。。。不要理会别人的看法。。。可是办不到。。。这就是自己。。。
终觉得自己被埋在深深的谎言里。。。一个自己编造出来的自己。。。到底自己跑去哪儿了。。。
觉得他应该会是个很不错的老板。。。可是我觉得我一定不会是个优秀的员工。。。
该睡了。。。可能在梦里能找到自己吧。。

遗忘了的梦。。。


去了一个应征。。。它唤醒了我遗忘了的梦。。。我挣扎了。。。我惶了。。。我不知道该怎么办。。。一个好久以前的梦。。。我是否该去追逐呢。。。我是否还是想实现那个梦想呢。。。

去争取一个机会。。。梦想会不会实现、想不想实现, 以后才想吧。。。=)

是否你以忘了该怎么去爱了。。。


最近每天都忙着应征。。。那天和她吃饭。。。我突然好想去背包。。。好想一个人。。。

其实突然想blog,是因为这一个game。。。http://www.miniclip.com/games/loves-arrow/en/。。。

它让我有很多感触。。。当你忙着射箭时,有好多你想救的人以伤心的离去。。。你明明是想把爱给的人却错过。。。而刚好经过的却把爱拾走了。。。本想射下多点时间。。。可却浪费了更多的时间。。。

当你忙着时,是否忘了你身边的家人、朋友、爱人。。。是否你以忘了该怎么去爱了。。。

Monday, April 16, 2007

除了我。。。

每个人都好像很忙。。。除了我。。。我好像很懒散。。。妈妈没有很催我。。。可是她还是有明示我该找份工作。。。

我想好好放下所有的东西,慢慢的找到我想要的。。。可是很可惜我却被自己搞的很乱。。根本没有在我休息的3个星期里做了什么。。。好听是责任。。可是是害怕吧。。。是自己很没有计划吧。。。可是我真的很累。。。一点想计划的心都没有。。。自己想什么真的很模糊。。。现在以没有刚刚离开时那么emotional。。。我想我会慢慢找到的。。。

很想到"Gone Fishing",出来喝杯东西聊聊天。。。可是每个人都好忙。。。

在这里每个人的节奏都好快。。。在岛上,每个人都慢很多很多拍。。。

我想我喜欢 "花样少年少女"也可能是很怀念学生时期吧。。。不用想那么多,把功课搞好、考好,就是了。。。

Thursday, April 12, 2007

真的是老了。。。

王菲、小虎队 的红蜻蜓、郭富成、林志颖 啦。。。我dl 了好多很久以前的歌。。。好怀念。。。哈哈哈。。。

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Kapas...



bk fr pulau kapas..lots o mosquito bites...& i got tis terrible swollen toe/foot fr a ant bite..so itchy & swollen...haizzz...


not exactly a v nice place at p. kapas...1st, e journey there took 10hrs by coach...den we dropped off at tis wu lu place when e sun was not out yet, ard 6am & e street lights were not working..it was complete darkness...we had 2 walk 500m 2 tis little village call marang....& we napped in a little pavilion until there was light...


e pple were really slack...6+ still no1 in sight...until 7+ den pple started work...we had a nice nasi ayam & teh...but e speedboat was still not opened...so i had a snooze in e pavilion...almost 845 den e boat was ready...e speedboat ride was fast...only 15mins....


there was construction gg on on e island...a new resort coming up...


we chked in & got 2 out chalet...it was not exactly v nice...cos e beds looked a bit dirty... e bedsheet had brown bloodstains..eeeeeeeeeee.....


e tv only had 1 channel...thk gdness e toilet looked ok...but as usu, no hot water....


e weather was gd..but i didnt get a v gd nite slp on e coach...so i had a nap b4 i got up...shld 've gone 4 a dive cos e current didnt look tt strong & e vis was reasonable gd...


we had a walk ard e island...there was hardly anybody ard...it was really v v quiet..


we walked bk 2 e resort & decided 2 go snorkel...there was a super big puffer & 2 smaller puffers...also quite a big o fishes...


not a lot o things 2 do at nite....& we had 2 wait 1 hr 4 our dinner...we walked alng e beach 1ing 2 c if we had any luck o seeing turtles comin up e shore 2 lay eggs...bot no luck...a lot o mosquitoes...so we went bk 2 e chalet & had e air-con on full blast...


e 2nd day was bad...after bfast, it rained...our diving trip was cancelled cos e water vis was low...we walked ard, suntanned...zo bo 4 a while...den we decided 2 go 4 sotong catching (we exchanged it wif our complimentary 2 snorkelling trip)...when we got 2 e counter, there was another family o 6 who were gg 2...& 1 o e lady say tt e sotong catching will end at 3am! it was barely 6pm...& we were gg out on a small fishing boat...i was terrified...they were gg 2 go out in open sea in a mini fishing boat...i wld never survive tt... we decided agst it....& instead we had our dinner & strolled 2 e jetty where we saw pple fishing & catchin sotong...


we retired early...it was pouring when we got bk 2 e chalet...heng we didnt go 4 e sotong catching...


e 3rd day we decided 2 go 4 our diving regardless o e vis...we went 2 e octopus reef...e current was so strong...e swells were scary...but i managed it...e vis wasnt spectacular...but it was ok...there wasnt a lot o things 2 c...most o e stuff were brown & dying...quite a few nudibranches we saw...& a new 1, e magnificent chromodoris...

& i saw tis super big parrotfish! which none o e rest saw...i guess they were busy looking 4 other things while e parrotfish swam by...& there was tis cute stonefish...still a baby i guess...but e camera didnt really capture it well...or rather it camouflaged itself really well...


we finished e dive...i 1ed 2 go 4 a 2nd 1...but e DM was rather not enthu...so we decided agst it...we had our lunch & slacked on e beach...we still haven used our 2 complimentary snorkelling trip so we exchanged it 4 kayaking...we kayaked 2 tt pte beach & HN went snorkelling while i made a sand turtle on e beach...hhaha...HN came bk & started 2 draw his "cute art" on e sand...hahha...gradually more pple came by wif their kayaks...& started 2 draw on e sand also...hahah...


we had a little swim b4 we kayaked bk 2 e resort...tis was e last nite at e resort...

we didnt venture out cos there were a lot o construction workers on e island..not v safe wif juz e 2 o us...& most o e places were quite dark & quiet...


we had 2 get up early in e morn also cos e bus bk 2 singapore leave at 9am fr e tregganu bus terminal...we had 2 pay extra RM50 4 e early morning speedboat & another RM30 4 e ride 2 e bus terminal...


anyway tis trip was badly planned...i was 2 impulsive in arranging e trip..shld have planned it beta..haizz...& i missed e chance 2 go redang...haizzz....2 late...anyway...will started planning 4 another trip soon...i'm gg 2 get ready...gg 4 interview ltr....

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

清醒的脑袋。。。

本来有很多要说。。。可是现在也不知道要写些什么。。。

再过几个小时我就要到Pulau Kapas。。。心里就是有点紧张。。。

终于递上了辞呈。。。是有点冲动吧。。。我现在真的很想安安静静的好好想想自己到底要什么。。。

我很少看连续剧。。。可是现在每个晚上都看花样少男少女。。。现在看第2遍。。。我不喜欢看结局。。。因为有了结局我就不能每天有期望收看每一集。。。就是不想有结局。。。一旦有了终点, 接下来又要去开始。。。

记得那时我看了3遍的Hana Yuri Dango aka 流星花园的卡通。。。看完了又看。。。就是不想有结局。。。

有时我只想停留。。。停留在那完美的那一刻,永远都不要走。。。

现在的心情是复杂的。。。

是不想改变还是。。。

我很久没有清醒的脑袋了。。。我很想静下来。。。我好累。。。真的好累。。。幸福我摸到了。。。可是我很想永远拥有它。。。可是我知道是因为他的很大的付出,我才有它。。。我不想只有他的付出。。。我也想好好的爱他。。。


喜欢花样少男少女里的泉。。。可能因为像他。。。我很想把他永远留在身边。。。是自私的吧。。。

thank you baby...

從來沒想過會對他動心,但他卻走進了我的心中…那是一種從未有過的心跳,就好像童話中所敘述的一樣,而我卻比別人幸運的遇見了幸福… (quoted from 花樣少年少女 )

Friday, March 23, 2007

toto...

uncle patrick..lucky toto no.s 4 u ah...zhong le ji de bao ke hong bao gai wo..hahhaa

2, 3, 4, 23, 24, 34, 42

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

fall in love...

never lose sight of why u fall in love in the 1st place....

thk u 4 e advice... i really needed tt...

Friday, March 09, 2007

4D。。。

给大家一个真字。。。我的手机号码。。。这几个星期一直有人打错电话。。。朋友啦、strangers 啦。。。都打到我的手机。。。大家买买看吧。。。中了记得请我吃饭啊。。。

稀不稀罕。。。

最后一天是23号。。。真的很希望快点到。。。可是RAs说这样很可惜。。。因为我的心血就快有回报了。。。我不该在这时候放弃。。。我并不觉得可惜。。。可是就如RA 说的,一定要给big potato看到我做的。。。我知道她一定会fight for my name 2 b on e end product。。。我现在正在考虑该不该多留一个月,present 2 EXCO。。。可能他们都不稀罕。。。

Thursday, March 08, 2007

天涯海角。。。

梦想拥有天涯海角。。。可惜TOTO没有中。。。好像是个很难实现的梦想。。。真的要好好的计划一下。。。research 一下。。。这样就知道每个月该存多少钱。。。该朝这个梦想前进吧。。。

Monday, March 05, 2007

Slow Down Culture

Food for thought- Slow Down Culture

An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture



It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.



Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses aneed to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.



Said in another words:

1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.

2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.

3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.

4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.



The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.



Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.



Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "qualityof being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour work weeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".



This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.



It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.


In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.



Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present,which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one ofus does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said,"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".



Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.


Monday, February 26, 2007

第一次丢信。。。

终于,letter写好了。。心里不知为什么会难过。。是应为长长的假期过了。。还是舍不得。。又或许是终于离开了comfort zone。。

我有想要怎么开口。。可是最终她不在。。Email了她,把信放在桌子。。想到她可能会training后pop back 2 office,是有点不知所措。。。

第一次丢信。。。真的不简单。。。

office 里没有人会想到我会丢吧。。。Or mayb they know???

Thursday, February 15, 2007

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR...

another new yr...so fast...it's oredi into march oredi...1/4 o e yr...tt's so fast...so scary....

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

我的期限是26 Feb。。。

可能是大家都应为她的离去,开始想死亡。。。或许是自己舍不得离开。。。又或许是刚刚开始读Mitch Albom 的Tuesdays wif Morrie。。。又或则是自己没有像以前那么健康了,开始担心。。。又可能是自己本来就是TTM 掌门人。。。

当我终于给自己一个期限时,我真的是觉得很开心。。。好像是终于可以解放似的。。。我可以了解为何G当时会在一夜之间做决定。。。她也是痛苦了廷久的吧。。。

我真的写得很烂吗???我从来都不觉得。。。可是这里让我觉得自己很烂。。。不止一次。。。我觉定不要再让人家为难自己,不要他们让自己觉一文不止。。。

我不知道是不是冲动。。。可能、或许、有可能。。。Anyway。。。我的期限是26 Feb。。。

Saturday, February 03, 2007

music 4 e beach

we r gg bintan...like a long time never rest & relax...bum on e beach...

any1 got any songs/mp3 which is great 4 beach getaway??? i've got beach boys kokomo...any other songs ah???

Thursday, January 11, 2007

dreams...

seriously i cant really rememb any...i know theoretically every1 will dream when they slp...but i dunno if i'm really tt tired...most o e nites i dun recall any dreams at alll...so i was really "surprised" tt jan cld have so many dreams...do u log down all ur dreams jan??

e result is out...

i went 2 e doc...waited 4 >2hrs... it kinda o stupid tt they fix appt 4 u, but they dun kp their time...when u r late 4 e appt, they qn u non-stop...WTF... if u fixed it at 415pm, jolly well let me c my doc at 415 la...y do i nd 2 wait till 630??? & it's a mere 10mins conversation wif e doc, smetimes it takes barely 5mins...nx time pls fix me appt at 630 den....

anyway, mri result was out...there was absolutely nth wrong wif my left hip joint..it was in perfect condition!!!!! shld i b happy??? at least i spend 400 bucks 2 know tt it's ok, despite e fact tt it has a dull ache 4 > 1 yr.... so i asked e doc y...

he said it definitely ruled out e suspicion tt he had earlier tt i had a tear in e skin o e ligament...it cld most prob b becos o my back which cld prob had been a slight slipped disc, pressing on sme nerves hence e dull ache...

it was all prob tis prob tt...i had tt speech fr e docs 4 >1 yr....

i told him i experience ache in my knee & my back also... he asked which was more serious...both were equally so...den he asked y i never associate e 2 prob as 1?

cos in e beginning, i didnt experience any pain in both areas....i only had tis dull ache tt doesnt go away in my left hip joint... tt was when i decided 2 go 2 e doc....& tt was when i decided 2 stop my tkd...& tt was also when i decided 2 relax a bit fr my dragonboat...

i had an x-ray done...nth was wrong wif e hip...but cos i had tis shoulder ache which comes on when i'm extremely tired 4 like countless years, since i'm doing e x-ray i might as well do it on my shoulder also...& tt is where they found tt my neck/spine has "degenerative" symptoms....watever tt means...

so i was referred 2 nuh...

as e hip joint wasnt serious, they concentrated on my shoulders, wif physio 4 my hip joint occasionally...

i was doing pretty ok...except e hip joint didnt heal...didnt get worse but was still there...

i went bk 2 e doc 4 review...e doc say it was ok, asked me 2 continue physio, which i didnt cos it was taking 2 much time...i was getting more & more inactive...except wif e occasion db race...

den i started 2 get tis numbness in my left knee when i start >20mins in e train...i wasnt particularly bothered cos i tot mayb i was juz standing 2 long...

den i got stiff back whenever i sat 2 long in off....& e knee prob got worse...i went bk 2 e doc (a new doc was seeing me now, they dun 've a fixed doc...whoever was e registrar will b e 1 u c) after they postponed it like 4 3mths...

i was so caught up wif work tt i didnt really bother tt e appt was postponed 4 so long...i juz endured e pain & did stretching (which didnt help much..)...hip joint prob was again ignored... concentration was put on e back which was giving quite a lot o trouble...

physio again....started 2 get beta....den i missed 1 physio cos i was sick...e stupid phone was always engaged when i tried 2 fix another appt 4 my physio...so i gave up....since i was getting a bit beta, i decided 2 exercise on my own...& e therapist suggested tt i do my pilates/yoga 2 strengthed my back...i went jogging...twice in tt wk...which was a mistake....my backache became so bad...& since i was gg 2 c e doc i decided 2 give myself a break...

bk 2 e doc...a new doc again... he asked how i was... back still aches & it was really bad when i jog...so he asked me 2 go bk 4 my physio...he asked me 2 go 4 a bk x-ray 1st & he was gg 2 refer me 2 e spinal dept...i complained 2 him abt my hip joint....& tt was when i had 2 go 4 my mri...

1 more appt wif e spinal dept in feb...if they still dunno wat is wrong...i'm really not sure wat i'm gg 2 do... i'm getting really fed-up...