wat m i doing in office now??? i'm officially off work at 530...but i'm still working...cos i nd 2 rush a report out tis thu...& i've not finished...argh...& i dun tink i can finish in time...argh...
& wat m i doing blogging instead o analysing??? cos my mind's a blank...argh....
i overslpt tis morn....i woke up at 730...tt was e time i was supposed 2 've left my home in order 2 b on time 4 work...argh...i called in late....intending 2 juz take 1 hr off, but i cld claim time-off 4 e wed cos i've 2 attend e interviewer trg 4 my pri study...
& e thing tt sucks e most is tt, after doing all e hard work...i dun get 2 go 4 e presentation in UK...argh....unjust i can say....but wat can i do??? we r VWOs (Voluntary Welfare Organisations)...we r NGOs (Non-Profit Organisations)....so we cannot afford 2 send every1 over...damned....& cos i'm not e principal investigator....i dun get 2 go....but wat i can say is tt w/o e analysis part e presentation wld b nth...
4 pple r scheduled 2 go....e other project which was accepted at e conference (2 presentors cos 1 o them happened 2 b pregnant & she might not go so her RA was put on e list...); my boss; & e current project's presentor....
haizzz....i m v disappointed...i was so hopefully tt i wld get 2 go....but all is dashed...haizzzz....
i tolf HN abt it...he said i shld 've "zheng qu"....but how???? it's not tt i dun 1...but how....
my boss said tt i shld let pple know my feelings...tt i shldnt hide my feelings, tt i shldnt juz shoulder e burden alone....but wat can b done even if i cry & make a big fuss???since nth can b done shldnt i juz take it???haizzz......
no doubt i'm sad....no doubt tt i cry...but wat can i do???
Monday, May 29, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
STI Home > Think > Story > Print
>> Back to the article
May 21, 2006
Understanding mums and daughters
By Deborah Tannen
WASHINGTON
WHEN my mother was 92, and it was clear that her end was nearing, one of my sisters asked if I felt I had settled emotional accounts with her.
'Yes,' I said. 'I think the love and attention I've showered on her these last 10 years have made up for the suffering I caused her when I was younger.'
My sister asked: 'What about the suffering she caused you?'
This caught me off guard. I'd forgotten all that. My relationship with my mother had been more tumultuous than my two sisters'.
As the youngest, I did more to defy and frighten her: In high school I dressed in my father's shirts. I ran barefoot around Greenwich Village and stayed out late. (We were just listening to folk music in cafes, but she thought we were having sex.)
The distress I caused her didn't end when I outgrew my teens. It increased, because I was unmarried for many of my adult years.
My sisters married at 19 and 20; I didn't follow suit until I was 23. My sisters and I divorced at about the same time (her worst nightmare come true), but they found new partners before long, while it was 11 years before I found mine.
That, together with the three years between college and my first marriage, gave my mother 14 years of sleepless nights - and me 14 years of arguments.
It wasn't that I never felt unhappy about being single. But my mother's concern made things worse. Once, after she and my father visited me in Washington, I walked them to their car and waved as it receded down the street. When they got home, she called to tell me not that she'd enjoyed the visit, but that it broke her heart to see me standing alone as they drove away.
I, too, had had a fleeting sense of sadness but that wasn't the only feeling I had. I loved my house; I loved everything about the life I led as a professor. My mother's remark implied marriage trumped all. It seemed to dismiss everything I'd accomplished, reframing my life as pitiable.
By a strange alchemy, my small sadness became her big misery, which became my anguish and then my anger. Many daughters, not wanting to worry their mothers, refrain from telling them about problems. It's a natural reaction, but one that can cause mothers another kind of grief.
Many women assume being close means talking about what's going on in their lives, including personal problems. So a mother who learns her daughter was going through a tough time and hasn't told her may feel hurt.
Both comfort and conflict result from a mother's desire to see all go well for her daughter, and a daughter's desire to feel that her mother approves of her life.
Figuring this out helped me understand my mother, and understanding softened my resentment.
I always found it creepy she wanted my company so badly, wanted to know my secrets. I recall thinking: 'She treats me more like a lover than a daughter!'
But during those last years, I began treating her like a lover: I sent her flowers, gifts and affectionate notes, and I helped with her physical care.
The waves of love these gestures engendered made me understand the relationship between mother and daughter entails a level of passion that has much in common with romantic love.
One night, helping my mother get ready for bed, I prepared the container of water in which she placed her teeth, then handed her a warm wet washcloth as I'd done many times before.
But this time, she didn't hand back the cloth quickly after wiping her face. Instead, she held it to her eyes, and I realised she was crying. 'A daughter shouldn't see her mother like this,' she said.
But I said, and I meant it, 'I've seen you without teeth many times; it makes me feel closer to you that you trust me that much.'
I'm grateful that my mother lived long enough to give us that moment. And I'm grateful that Mother's Day doesn't only remind me she's gone; it also brings her back. -- New York Times
Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, is the author, most recently, of You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers And Daughters In Conversation.
>> Back to the article
May 21, 2006
Understanding mums and daughters
By Deborah Tannen
WASHINGTON
WHEN my mother was 92, and it was clear that her end was nearing, one of my sisters asked if I felt I had settled emotional accounts with her.
'Yes,' I said. 'I think the love and attention I've showered on her these last 10 years have made up for the suffering I caused her when I was younger.'
My sister asked: 'What about the suffering she caused you?'
This caught me off guard. I'd forgotten all that. My relationship with my mother had been more tumultuous than my two sisters'.
As the youngest, I did more to defy and frighten her: In high school I dressed in my father's shirts. I ran barefoot around Greenwich Village and stayed out late. (We were just listening to folk music in cafes, but she thought we were having sex.)
The distress I caused her didn't end when I outgrew my teens. It increased, because I was unmarried for many of my adult years.
My sisters married at 19 and 20; I didn't follow suit until I was 23. My sisters and I divorced at about the same time (her worst nightmare come true), but they found new partners before long, while it was 11 years before I found mine.
That, together with the three years between college and my first marriage, gave my mother 14 years of sleepless nights - and me 14 years of arguments.
It wasn't that I never felt unhappy about being single. But my mother's concern made things worse. Once, after she and my father visited me in Washington, I walked them to their car and waved as it receded down the street. When they got home, she called to tell me not that she'd enjoyed the visit, but that it broke her heart to see me standing alone as they drove away.
I, too, had had a fleeting sense of sadness but that wasn't the only feeling I had. I loved my house; I loved everything about the life I led as a professor. My mother's remark implied marriage trumped all. It seemed to dismiss everything I'd accomplished, reframing my life as pitiable.
By a strange alchemy, my small sadness became her big misery, which became my anguish and then my anger. Many daughters, not wanting to worry their mothers, refrain from telling them about problems. It's a natural reaction, but one that can cause mothers another kind of grief.
Many women assume being close means talking about what's going on in their lives, including personal problems. So a mother who learns her daughter was going through a tough time and hasn't told her may feel hurt.
Both comfort and conflict result from a mother's desire to see all go well for her daughter, and a daughter's desire to feel that her mother approves of her life.
Figuring this out helped me understand my mother, and understanding softened my resentment.
I always found it creepy she wanted my company so badly, wanted to know my secrets. I recall thinking: 'She treats me more like a lover than a daughter!'
But during those last years, I began treating her like a lover: I sent her flowers, gifts and affectionate notes, and I helped with her physical care.
The waves of love these gestures engendered made me understand the relationship between mother and daughter entails a level of passion that has much in common with romantic love.
One night, helping my mother get ready for bed, I prepared the container of water in which she placed her teeth, then handed her a warm wet washcloth as I'd done many times before.
But this time, she didn't hand back the cloth quickly after wiping her face. Instead, she held it to her eyes, and I realised she was crying. 'A daughter shouldn't see her mother like this,' she said.
But I said, and I meant it, 'I've seen you without teeth many times; it makes me feel closer to you that you trust me that much.'
I'm grateful that my mother lived long enough to give us that moment. And I'm grateful that Mother's Day doesn't only remind me she's gone; it also brings her back. -- New York Times
Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, is the author, most recently, of You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers And Daughters In Conversation.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
10km race...
i tink we r only in our 1st lap...we look a bit shack isnt it?? haha...but we made it in e end...=) cheers....
krabi pics...
beautiful lionfish...there were so many lionfishes in phi phi....
v beautiful nudibranch tt dear took...
finally i did my 1st outdoor climb @ Railey....e highest tt i scaled was 30m...scary but it was really adrenaline pumping...=)
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
1 mth...
it's been a mth...i haven even e time 2 read pple's blogs much less blog my own...
e past mth flew past...planning 4 e perhentian trip...10km row...gg on e trip..moving office..mtgs & more mtgs...data & more data 2 analyse..
i was still slacking in e mid-apr...den everything juz came...
i had a wonderful time at perhentian...not world-class resort but it cld do..
no whale-shark...but razor fishes & shrimps & baby cuttlefish...
& e many many shooting stars...
& o cos e company...
didnt dive v well tis time rd...not sure y...
1ed 2 blog more...but my brain's frozen in tis new off...
e past mth flew past...planning 4 e perhentian trip...10km row...gg on e trip..moving office..mtgs & more mtgs...data & more data 2 analyse..
i was still slacking in e mid-apr...den everything juz came...
i had a wonderful time at perhentian...not world-class resort but it cld do..
no whale-shark...but razor fishes & shrimps & baby cuttlefish...
& e many many shooting stars...
& o cos e company...
didnt dive v well tis time rd...not sure y...
1ed 2 blog more...but my brain's frozen in tis new off...
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