click on e pic 2 enlarge..

wat's wrong???

i took a break ytd...hoping 2 recover fr tt irritating strain in my eyes & tt constant dull throbbing headache...& also 2 catch up on sme really needed slp...

i really wonder wat is wrong...e doc said tt it was probably e strain in my eyes tt caused my "muscle tension headache"...he precribed muscle relaxant medication which really knocked me out...& also sme medication 2 aid digestion...i've not been able 2 hold down much food...i get realy hungry but i've no appetite...& after eating, i get really sick...juz felt like throwing up, or it felt like e food was stuck btw my throat & tummy...

haizz...

red...

my eyes have these red veins all e time...i'm starting 2 get a bit worried...it's been quite sme time oredi, but i dismiss it cos i've been working on e com 4 v long hrs these past few wks...but these few days, i can really hardly open my eyes w/o feeling pain in them in e morn...tt day i had a really bad headache & i went 2 e doc... e 1st thign tt e doc noticed were my eyes...i started 2 b more conscious of them & i'm beginning 2 worry....

胡姬花。。。

坐在外面。。。看着那胡姬花。。。好漂亮。。。阿婆种了好多东西。。。她走了谁来照顾呢？？？家里的东西怎么办？？？想起公公和干妈。。。他们的东西怎么了？？？

突然想起妈妈。。。如果有一天她走了怎么办呢？？？马上把这想法忘了。。。人就是这样吧？？？可能是我吧。。。不想想不好的东西。。。

大舅安好了阿婆，走出来。。。拿起了水喉，浇起了花。。。会有人想起阿婆做的事吧。。。

每个人都有不一样的反应。。。

我想dear和阿姨比较感性吧。。。

阿姨从我看到她到最后一天她一直忙东忙西。。。应该是想让自己尽一点最后孝心送给阿婆。。。阿婆走了。。。她应该是最寂寞的。。。阿婆应该最不放心她。。。每个人都有另一半安慰。。。她只能安慰自己。。。每个人都觉得她做得太多。。。可能这就是安抚自己的最佳办法。。。大家的脾气都不是很好。。。熬太多夜了吧。。。不过最后大家还是一家人。。。

dear也是一样。。。我知道他很想做多一点，让阿婆感受到最后的一点孝心。。。dear，阿婆知道的。。。

她最后一程没有我想像的那么难过。。。可能是大家接受了她会离去。。。自己在家里。。。会难过。。。可能是想起了公公和干妈。。。当时真的好难过。。。到现在都还会想起。。。当时不知流了多少的泪水。。。可能是这些复杂的情绪惹得我很烦。。。让我不知如何。。。

smetimes...

smetimes i really wonder...he believes things tt i dun...mayb i'm overly sceptical...i dunno...smetimes i feel tt it wld b beta if we believe in e same things...

smetimes i cant help but tink tt he's juz 2 young...2 young 4 many things...he tinks he's mature enough...but i dun agree...but i dun say it in his face...but i guess my face showed it all...

smetimes when i juz 1 him 2 b more aware o how i feel...even though i dun understd myself tt much...smetimes i juz wish he cld say smething more den wat he did...smetimes i juz wish tt he cld shut up...when he does...i wonder y he kps 2 himself & not care abt me more...

smetimes he say things which i feel he isnt putting his heart in...he's juz saying 4 e sack o saying...pls dun...i can feel it...

smetimes he juz dun understd my mood...y i cry..y i ignore him...smetimes i wish he cld juz know w/o having me 2 say everything...

smetimes i wish u dun juz ask me how i m 2day....smetimes i wish u dun ask me if i've anything 2 say 2 u...smetimes i wish u dun ask me if anything is wrong...cos e ans is so obvious...

smetimes i wish i wasnt so rash...

smetimes....

i look ugly...

it's amazing tt pple actually noticed tt i'm in e show!! haha...u'll c me again in e same show on wed...i'm sitted at e same place in e boat again!! haha...e person tt they interviewed is not part o our team, but his members were not avail tt day so he came 2 row wif us...we r trying 2 c if we can team our deaf and e visually handicapped together as a team...tt'll b interesting..

很巧。。。他的外婆和她的堂弟都在同一个parlour。。。星期六应该会去送她最后一程。。。

看到她那无声的躯体有种莫名的感伤。。。一直安慰自己她离开了痛苦。。。为她祈福、送她到极乐。。。

他也是一直安慰自己。。。

很想去陪他。。。很想时间快点过。。。可是analysis还没做完。。。arghhhh。。。

bye bye...

真的是太巧了。。。可能就是要他回去看她最后一面吧。。。

刚买不到一星期、穿不到3次，鞋就坏了。。。他不得得回去换。。。

他应该很难过吧。。。我仿佛 在他的简讯里听到他哽咽的声音。。。我很想在他身边。。。我知道他一定是一副大哥哥的模样到处安慰其他的人。。。

她走了。。。放下痛苦了吧。。。希望她到极乐世界。。。不必担心。。。安息。。。再见啊婆。。

好累好累。。。每天都要六点半起来。。。真的好累。。。两个星期来都一直伤透脑筋做analysis。。。好多东西做。。。2 big projects & all e mini analysis。。。i’m seriously thinking tt i’m underpaid & not tt much appreciated。。。haizzzz。。。