Saturday, February 09, 2008

i m angry not bcos u tried 2 take ur life...

i m angry bcos u made use o all those who cared, juz so tt u can get ur way...2 get e attn o M...

i m angry bcos u messed up not only ur own life but those ard u...

i m angry bcos now i've 2 tink twice abt wat i write.. cos it "might" juz trigger ur suicide attempts again...

i dun tink i m tt free 2 've 2 tink 4 u all e time...

i have my own life 2..

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting me know what you're angry about.

I do not want to explain for myself but there is one thing you should know - that all these that happened was not a game nor did I make use of my friends to grab the attention of M.

And whether you think attempting suicide is right or wrong, I want to say this, I had on more than a couple of occasions seriously thought of ending my life. And I called SOS helpline more than a couple of times to try to stop myself.

You don't know what goes through my mind every night I go to bed. Neither do you know that I have sat on the edge of buildings thrice this past 2 years. I tell you such things not to threaten you or make you fearful (but if you want to think this way, I can't stop you). I am not playing any game or using anybody. I am at the pit bottom of my life right now.

You don't know how fucking scared I was when I sat on the edge. You don't know how hard I have to tell myself to get myself to safety.

I also do not want to explain further what has been happening in my life.

So there you go.

You can judge me on the things I have done but not the things I have not done (i.e. make use of my friends to gain attention). I am very angry with your allegations and I am hurt. I WOULD NEVER USE MY FRIENDS AS STEPPING STONES, WHETHER YOU BELIEVE ME OR NOT.

You have the choice to see what you want to see. I can't stop it. So if you have opinions and/or make assumptions about me, fine.

BUT don't belt out judgement on me using your own assumptions.

And you're free to lead your own life, without me being a BURDEN TO YOU.

And sorry if I messed up your life. I will make sure it would not happen again.

PS: This is my angry words to you. Don't worry about me attempting suicide based on what you've typed. Since your theory is that I do such things to grab M's attention, you're not M, I don't need your attention, so I WON'T 'ATTEMPT' SUICIDE BECAUSE OF YOUR WORDS.

DO NOT WORRY.