Look at these 2 aticles fr e straits times...... i've lotsa 2 comment but time constraints....i'll do my share o complaining some other time...post watever comments u 1 on these 2 articles.....

Nov 6, 2004

THINKING ALOUD
Women have moved on but society's in time warp
By Zuraidah Ibrahim
Political Editor

EDUCATED women here have been getting the metaphorical black eye or two lately.
How's this for starters: This week, to snag some publicity for a birth control programme, a committee chided tertiary-educated women for going for abortions, citing how the number of abortions among this group had seen a three-fold rise since 1988.

Riding on this statistic, a committee member rued the sorry state of educated women, adding that some who went to his clinic for abortions told him they didn't want babies to block their career paths.

What these statements omitted to mention was the inconvenient fact that the total number of tertiary-educated women had also jumped - four-fold. In other words, the proportion of tertiary-educated women going for abortions has actually declined.

One wonders, too, if the doctor was too quick to suggest that married women were torn between child and ambition, as if these were the only factors at play.

The choice may not be so cut-and-dried. Even if work gets in the way, it is hardly fair to characterise all the women concerned as heartless climbers of the corporate ladder, the way some of these discussions are wont to do.

The woman may be driven more by fear than by ambition - the fear of companies not willing to hire pregnant women, or of juggling the bundle of joy and the burden of work with a husband who is not willing to share the load.

The main point that the committee was trying to make was a valid one: educated Singaporeans who are not ready for children should know better than to resort to abortions; they should avoid conception through birth control.

But, have you noticed how the onus is placed on the woman? The experts could have chosen to highlight the fact that a rising number of tertiary-educated men are making their wives pregnant before they are ready for it.

No, instead, the accusing looks are directed at the women. It is as if Singapore's men share no responsibility for birth control; as if they are innocents seduced into surrendering their seed by the predatory females of the species.

One doctor on the committee acknowledged that part of the problem could be that the gap between marriage registration and traditional ceremonies made it embarrassing for these women if they became pregnant.

This is revealing of the state of morality and men-women relationships here. But more of that later.

Next, witness the letters to the Forum page lamenting the Singapore woman's lack of womanliness, her 'barbed exterior' and her insistence on putting career above everything else.

The onslaught against the Singapore woman comes amid this vexing concern that more men here are marrying foreigners or keeping them as mistresses. The prevailing sentiment - if the letter-writers and these men who marry foreigners are to be believed - is that women here are too difficult and therefore deserve this fate of being passed over for foreign women.

The presumptuousness of these letters in assuming that every woman's desire is to be wedded is exceeded only by their sheer chauvinism.

What about the role men play? How do they contribute to keeping a relationship happy and healthy?

The discussions, while they may be passed off as just idle chatter, reveal much about the mindset that still govern all of our lives here.

Singapore women have made enormous leaps in education and many have become independent, strong-minded, driven people, no different from Singapore men bred on the same ideals.
But here's the rub: The men just have not kept up.

More of them seem to be caught in a time warp. A time when women stayed at home, cooked and took care of their men's needs or, in a slightly updated version, women went to work but still found themselves left with taking care of the house.

In the second version, the men want their women to be their economic equals. But in everything else, they want to be more equal than their women.

This mismatch between what Singapore women have become and what Singapore men still are is really the reason behind the recent letters berating women and why it's so convenient to place the blame on abortions by educated women - on only them.

Society has some catching up to do.

For some reason, a woman's advance is always measured in terms of trade-offs she must make - between career and family - whereas a man's is never that.

In politics too, women politicians are constantly being asked that question. Few of us journalists ever ask male politicians about the trade-offs they make.

This mindset seeps into many other decisions - including whether to have or keep the baby. The responsibility of keeping the baby as implied by the doctor rests with women.

And worse, for those women who have to get rid of their babies because they have not gone through their traditional vows, why the insistence on face? What is being transgressed here?

Society's expectations that a couple must not have copulated before marriage? Or, the veil of hypocrisy that it goes on but let's not tell the whole world?

If the marriage is legal, so should the baby-making be.
But no, for the sake of maintaining some myths about female virginity and tradition, abortion is the chosen way out.

The expectations on Singapore women are huge. At the workplace, they are supposed to be equal to men even though they earn less. At home, they contribute to the family income yet bear the larger burden of rearing children.

Yes, I know, there will be men who will say they are doing their fair share, they are as liberated as their women.

I have met these specimens too and some are very dear to me, but I would hazard a guess they are not the overwhelming majority of men.

For all that they have delivered, Singapore women have a right to be demanding and, yes, difficult even.

And if women decide not to have children, don't be quick to blame them. Men, and the rest of society, should also look at themselves in the mirror. -- E-mail stpol@sph.com.sg


Nov 7, 2004
First, China brides. Then, Vietnamese brides.
Now, Kalimantan Chinese brides
Matchmaking agency thinks they are a better fit here because they can speak Chinese dialects
By Tracy Quek

MOVE over, Vietnam brides, here come the girls from Kalimantan.

One matchmaking agency here is offering Singaporean men the chance to choose a Chinese bride from the Indonesian province on Borneo.

And although new in the matchmaking industry, Mr Simon Sim, 50, manager of Mayle Marriage Agency, reckons he already has an edge.

The Kalimantan brides-to-be are Indonesian Chinese, speak various Chinese dialects, can whip up Chinese meals and would find it easier to fit in here, he said.

They are aged between 20 and 30, and come from large farming families in rural villages.

Their parents, who get a dowry of between $1,000 and $2,000, agree to such matches because they want better lives for their daughters, he added.

While agencies offering Vietnamese brides charge more than $12,000, Mayle's wedding package costs an auspicious $9,888.

It includes return tickets to Kalimantan, a chance to pick a wife from among 20 young women, the dowry, a wedding banquet, suits and bridal gowns, and wedding photography.

The bride's Indonesian passport can be ready in about two days. In contrast, Vietnamese brides have to wait for over a month for their passports.

Mr Sim said he and a business partner started the agency about six months ago, after finding out about the communication problems their friends had with their Vietnamese wives.

'There's a language barrier, it can be a strain when they can't talk to their husbands,' he said.
'Matching our local men with girls of the same cultural background will ensure a higher chance of the marriage lasting.'

But agencies offering matchmaking tours to Vietnam say they are not worried about the competition.

Mr Martin Yong, managing director of Mr Cupid International Matchmakers, said: 'We have established ourselves in the industry, we do thorough background checks on the women and our customers trust us.'

Mr Sim says his agency also does its checks.

The women go for a medical check-up to ensure that they are healthy and virgins.

He interviews all his clients, to make sure that they have a steady income and a roof over their heads.

His clients are mostly Chinese-speaking blue-collar workers in their 40s and 50s.

Chinese men make up almost nine in 10 of the 67,000 bachelors in Singapore aged 35 to 49, according to the 2000 Census.

So far, Mr Sim has found wives for two Singaporean Chinese men in their 40s. One works as a driver, the other is a store keeper.

Two more men, in their 40s and 50s, will be making the six-day trip later this year, he said.

One of them, Mr Peter Chua, 41, who will be selecting his Kalimantan bride later this month, said: 'Singaporean women have very high expectations, they want the five Cs and I can't afford that.'

The security officer, who takes home less than $2,000 a month, is now hoping to meet a 'simple, pleasant girl, who is not too demanding'.

Contact Mayle Marriage Agency on 6219-5709

The $9,888 package

Choice of 20 Kalimantan brides-to- be who are Indonesian Chinese, speak various Chinese dialects, including Hakka and Hainanese, and can whip up Chinese meals.

Women are between 20 and 30 years of age.

Return tickets to Kalimantan.

Dowry of between $1,000 and $2,000 for bride's family.

Wedding banquet.

Suits and bridal gown.

Wedding photography.

The bride's Indonesian passport can be ready in about two days, and she can return home with her husband.