when do u know.................how do u know............can u tell me...............so different..................yet so much fun.............................flirting..................m i????????????????stupid................insensitive.......................another bruise..................do i flirt??????????i tink so.......................didn't hurt any1 rite?????????????i hope...............beautiful song....................u & i .................yi xiang qing yuan.....................stupid...................................
Monday, December 20, 2004
stupid....
stupid files....where did i save them under????????? shoot..........
stupid computer.........playing me out...............shoot..............
i 1 2 go toilet but i can only go 2 e gents........but i know there r others still ard......i dun 1 2 b stuck in e gents wif any o e lecturers inside.............shoot..............
i'm bored 2 death!!!!!!!!!!! no1 online...........& tis stupid computer is taking 4ever 2 copy e files.....................
i'm cold & hungry & urgent................all thks 2 my stupid procrastinations................shoot................................................
stupid computer.........playing me out...............shoot..............
i 1 2 go toilet but i can only go 2 e gents........but i know there r others still ard......i dun 1 2 b stuck in e gents wif any o e lecturers inside.............shoot..............
i'm bored 2 death!!!!!!!!!!! no1 online...........& tis stupid computer is taking 4ever 2 copy e files.....................
i'm cold & hungry & urgent................all thks 2 my stupid procrastinations................shoot................................................
bruises.....
ok.....after 1 week o activities i've officially accumulated 11 bruises.....
e wk beginning 13/12 to 19/12 activities done:
mon - slack
tue - rockclimbing
wed - tkd
thu - pilates cum mini bicycle accident
fri - slack
sat - cycling
sun - pestered by insurance agent
bruises:
2 on left hand
1 on rite hand
4 on left leg
3 on rite leg
1 on left hip
i shld take more vitamin C according 2 KJ....help 2 strengthen capillary or smething like tt.....i tink i shld open my eyes bigger instead.....& b less clumsy.....
great cycling trip on sat 2 pengarang btw...although my bum still hurts now....sitting on cushions now.....dun understd...i've such a huge fleshy bum.....shld 've enough cushioning.....but still hurts bad man.......
ok i'll quit complaining & start doing my stupid data entry...i've been cracking my brain 4 e past 1 hr trying my extreme hardest 2 do e accounting.......shoot....i really suckk at accounts.........
e wk beginning 13/12 to 19/12 activities done:
mon - slack
tue - rockclimbing
wed - tkd
thu - pilates cum mini bicycle accident
fri - slack
sat - cycling
sun - pestered by insurance agent
bruises:
2 on left hand
1 on rite hand
4 on left leg
3 on rite leg
1 on left hip
i shld take more vitamin C according 2 KJ....help 2 strengthen capillary or smething like tt.....i tink i shld open my eyes bigger instead.....& b less clumsy.....
great cycling trip on sat 2 pengarang btw...although my bum still hurts now....sitting on cushions now.....dun understd...i've such a huge fleshy bum.....shld 've enough cushioning.....but still hurts bad man.......
ok i'll quit complaining & start doing my stupid data entry...i've been cracking my brain 4 e past 1 hr trying my extreme hardest 2 do e accounting.......shoot....i really suckk at accounts.........
Friday, December 17, 2004
ST Dec 16, 2004
Dutch doctors support infant euthanasia
THE HAGUE - DOCTORS in the Netherlands are calling for laws allowing them to end the lives of newborns with intolerable and incurable illnesses.
Doctors from the country's eight university hospitals have asked that a committee of experts be set up to consider the issue, a BBC report said yesterday.
The Dutch government will give its opinion over the next few months.
The proposed committee of experts would define the criteria that would apply to infant euthanasia in children born with extreme malformations, for instance they may have no brain.
It would relate to only about 600 infants in the world and between 10 and 15 in The Netherlands, the BBC report said.
The move has revived the debate on the controversial issue of euthanasia.
Doctors here say paediatricians worldwide are in favour of ending the lives of newborns in
certain circumstances.
When is it ever rite 2 end sme1's life.........
Dutch doctors support infant euthanasia
THE HAGUE - DOCTORS in the Netherlands are calling for laws allowing them to end the lives of newborns with intolerable and incurable illnesses.
Doctors from the country's eight university hospitals have asked that a committee of experts be set up to consider the issue, a BBC report said yesterday.
The Dutch government will give its opinion over the next few months.
The proposed committee of experts would define the criteria that would apply to infant euthanasia in children born with extreme malformations, for instance they may have no brain.
It would relate to only about 600 infants in the world and between 10 and 15 in The Netherlands, the BBC report said.
The move has revived the debate on the controversial issue of euthanasia.
Doctors here say paediatricians worldwide are in favour of ending the lives of newborns in
certain circumstances.
When is it ever rite 2 end sme1's life.........
ST Dec 17, 2004
Marriage offers health benefits
WASHINGTON - MARRIED people are healthier than other adults, though husbands have a tendency to pack on extra kilograms, says the US National Centre for Health Statistics.
The centre's report on Wednesday, based on a survey of more than 125,000 people, did not specify reasons, but health statistician Charlotte Schoenborn said there are two major theories.
One is that marriage may be protective of health. For example, married couples may have advantages in terms of economic resources, social and psychological support and encouragement of healthful lifestyles.
A second theory is marital selection - the theory that healthy people get married and stay married, whereas less healthy people either do not marry or are more likely to become separated, divorced or widowed.
'Overall, this association between marital status and health persists regardless of socio-economic status, education and poverty, where people were born or their ethnicity,' she said.
The centre reported that among adults 18 years and over, 11.9 per cent said they were in only fair or poor health. Some 10.5 per cent of married people reported being in poor or fair health, while all other groups were higher. At 19.6 per cent, the widowed were the most likely to be in these categories.
'In general, married adults were the least likely to experience health problems and the least likely to engage in risky health behaviour, with the notable exception of being overweight,' Ms Schoenborn wrote.
The report was based on a survey of 127,545 people in 1999-2002 conducted by the centre. In addition to reporting better health overall, the study found that married people said they had less low back pain, fewer headaches and less psychological stress. They also were less likely to drink and smoke and were more physically active than people in general.
But they were not immune to weight problems. Currently, more than half of all adults - 56.7 per cent - are overweight or obese, the centre said.
Some 70.6 per cent of husbands were overweight or obese compared with 65.1 per cent of all men. Some 48.6 per cent of married women were overweight or obese, about the same as the 48.5 per cent of women in general. The largest share of overweight women was among the widowed at 53.2 per cent. -- ASSOCIATED PRESS
1 gd reason(better health) y we shld get married.....but also 1 gd reason(not get over-weight/obese) 4 not getting married!!!
Marriage offers health benefits
WASHINGTON - MARRIED people are healthier than other adults, though husbands have a tendency to pack on extra kilograms, says the US National Centre for Health Statistics.
The centre's report on Wednesday, based on a survey of more than 125,000 people, did not specify reasons, but health statistician Charlotte Schoenborn said there are two major theories.
One is that marriage may be protective of health. For example, married couples may have advantages in terms of economic resources, social and psychological support and encouragement of healthful lifestyles.
A second theory is marital selection - the theory that healthy people get married and stay married, whereas less healthy people either do not marry or are more likely to become separated, divorced or widowed.
'Overall, this association between marital status and health persists regardless of socio-economic status, education and poverty, where people were born or their ethnicity,' she said.
The centre reported that among adults 18 years and over, 11.9 per cent said they were in only fair or poor health. Some 10.5 per cent of married people reported being in poor or fair health, while all other groups were higher. At 19.6 per cent, the widowed were the most likely to be in these categories.
'In general, married adults were the least likely to experience health problems and the least likely to engage in risky health behaviour, with the notable exception of being overweight,' Ms Schoenborn wrote.
The report was based on a survey of 127,545 people in 1999-2002 conducted by the centre. In addition to reporting better health overall, the study found that married people said they had less low back pain, fewer headaches and less psychological stress. They also were less likely to drink and smoke and were more physically active than people in general.
But they were not immune to weight problems. Currently, more than half of all adults - 56.7 per cent - are overweight or obese, the centre said.
Some 70.6 per cent of husbands were overweight or obese compared with 65.1 per cent of all men. Some 48.6 per cent of married women were overweight or obese, about the same as the 48.5 per cent of women in general. The largest share of overweight women was among the widowed at 53.2 per cent. -- ASSOCIATED PRESS
1 gd reason(better health) y we shld get married.....but also 1 gd reason(not get over-weight/obese) 4 not getting married!!!
Thursday, December 16, 2004
trememdous sadness....
dunno y i feel so sad now......tears r circling in my eyes.....i dunno y tis sudden sadness came over me....it's really suffocating me......i dun miss tis place.....but a lot o things (or shld i say nothing) happened....i had 2 much free time 2 tink when i was working in ntu.....mayb 1 was really lonely when i was here 4 e past 1 yr......mayb i'm re-living tt loneliness again.....mayb tt's y i feel so sad now.....mayb tt's y i feel like crying.....vacation 4 my heart, soul & body scheduled.....taking leave 2 live again......
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
date wif myself......
ok i've been procrastinating 4 so long i tink i shld pull up my socks.......
it's been a long long time since i've sat down & tot abt things by myself.......i've been pushing things 2 e bk o my head 4 way 2 long......i need 2 rearrange all my tots & feelings once & 4 all......i need 2 do a spring clearing o my heart & soul.......i've decided 2 make a date wif myself......take a day off & really tink.....i've stopped tinking & feeling 4 way 2 long......time 2 get my machine working again......
pls wake up..........................
it's been a long long time since i've sat down & tot abt things by myself.......i've been pushing things 2 e bk o my head 4 way 2 long......i need 2 rearrange all my tots & feelings once & 4 all......i need 2 do a spring clearing o my heart & soul.......i've decided 2 make a date wif myself......take a day off & really tink.....i've stopped tinking & feeling 4 way 2 long......time 2 get my machine working again......
pls wake up..........................
in order not 2 feel creepy....
ok my colleague told me abt e ghost stories o my office...now i'm all alone waiting 4 time 2 pass b4 i go 4 my tkd class.....2 elevate e creepiness....i've decided 2 blog.....my colleagues left not without reminding me o e hantu.....
anyways....long time never really sit down & blog like tis.......read lover boy's blog & so coincidentally was talking wif my colleagues during lunch 2day abt how teachers nowadays r getting fr bad 2 worse.....
i've a friend who's a teacher but whose passion doesn't lie there( i tink she soesn't even know wat she 1s...).....she keeps telling me how she's suffering in sch & all tt....i try 2 b sympathetic but she chose tt path, she shld bear e consequences......she went into teaching cos she cldn't find any other job, & also cos a teaching job really pays well.......i sort o look down on her 4 going into teaching cos o these reasons.....i feel tt she's harming e students she teaching rite now......but i've never really told her tt......i dunno how 2 break it 2 her.......i 1ed many times 2 write her a letter but i always push it off cos i felt tt i cldn't really judge her (i shldn't judge any1 anywayz).....i guess i'll make a date wif her 1 o these days........
but e teaching world is not so gloomy actually......take lover boy 4 eg, he's really into teaching & i'm glad! i've a few other friends who r also pursuing a teaching degree & i'm glad they r pursuing it 4 passion! i know o a friend who has tried a dozen times but cldn't get into nie.....i felt sad 4 her.....
there r also e special sch teachers, like atomic princess & e draggos, who r really dedicated 2 their work!!!
i'm glad tt i know o so many dedicated teachers!!! at least i'm not so disillusioned abt e education world......
3 cheers 4 all these teachers!!! hip hip hurray, hip hip hurray, hip hip HURRAY!!!!!!
have passion in watever u do else y waste ur life away doing smething u hate????
anyways....long time never really sit down & blog like tis.......read lover boy's blog & so coincidentally was talking wif my colleagues during lunch 2day abt how teachers nowadays r getting fr bad 2 worse.....
i've a friend who's a teacher but whose passion doesn't lie there( i tink she soesn't even know wat she 1s...).....she keeps telling me how she's suffering in sch & all tt....i try 2 b sympathetic but she chose tt path, she shld bear e consequences......she went into teaching cos she cldn't find any other job, & also cos a teaching job really pays well.......i sort o look down on her 4 going into teaching cos o these reasons.....i feel tt she's harming e students she teaching rite now......but i've never really told her tt......i dunno how 2 break it 2 her.......i 1ed many times 2 write her a letter but i always push it off cos i felt tt i cldn't really judge her (i shldn't judge any1 anywayz).....i guess i'll make a date wif her 1 o these days........
but e teaching world is not so gloomy actually......take lover boy 4 eg, he's really into teaching & i'm glad! i've a few other friends who r also pursuing a teaching degree & i'm glad they r pursuing it 4 passion! i know o a friend who has tried a dozen times but cldn't get into nie.....i felt sad 4 her.....
there r also e special sch teachers, like atomic princess & e draggos, who r really dedicated 2 their work!!!
i'm glad tt i know o so many dedicated teachers!!! at least i'm not so disillusioned abt e education world......
3 cheers 4 all these teachers!!! hip hip hurray, hip hip hurray, hip hip HURRAY!!!!!!
have passion in watever u do else y waste ur life away doing smething u hate????
Wise up man!!!! & women 2!!!!! get ur men 2 work!!!!
ST Dec 11, 2004
Men, get that broom out if you want to stay married
Couples more likely to be happier and stay together if they share chores: Study
By Vivi Zainol
A LOCAL study has found that more Singapore fathers are pitching in when it comes to looking after the children, even though they believe it is really the mother's job.
Said Associate Professor Paulin Straughan, from the National University of Singapore's sociology department, who began the study in March this year: 'This is perhaps the first empirical evidence we have that Singapore fathers have grown from the traditional breadwinner model to one which sees them as involved fathers.'
But because of their mindset about women's role, fathers rarely go beyond disciplining their children.
The study, commissioned by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, also found that couples are more likely to be happier and stay together if they also share household chores besides the children's upbringing. In fact, relationships go from strength to strength with each added task a husband does.
The chances of a marriage continuing increases by 1.8 times for every added chore husbands take on, said Prof Straughan, as women are happier when their husbands do more at home, and the more their husbands do, the happier marriages are.
In the study of 1,026 married people and 827 divorcees in their mid-20s, partners in ongoing unions share about five chores, while those in relationships which have ended did about three.
The study also found that though men may help out, they do not want to be responsible for housework.
One example is civil servant Ethan Teo, 35, who admitted that his wife is 'not very happy' with the division of labour in their home.
'It's the wife's job to do the more 'feminine' chores like cooking, washing and putting the kids to sleep,' he claimed. 'I'll change the light bulb and do things that are more strenuous, like mopping the floor.
'Because of this sort of thinking, women take the lead in all but three of the 19 tasks involving either home care and supervision, child care or looking after an elderly person. The three are carrying out household repairs, washing the car and paying bills.
Women are also held responsible for an average of 8.8 domestic tasks compared with men's 2.7.
Prof Straughan said parents, families, friends, schools, the mass media and forms of popular culture are responsible for the gender-based attitudes to chores.
State policies also contribute, she added. For example, until recently, only mothers could take leave to tend to a sick child.
Deducting the foreign maid levy only from the wife's income also sends a strong message that the maid is taking over her responsibilities.
'Singapore women are really in a bind,' she said. 'They're expected to embrace multiple roles and responsibilities: to be a good wife, a loving mother who is expected to be on call 24/7, domestic manager, and to top it all... a committed employee. Meanwhile, their husbands continue to hold on to very traditional expectations.
'Many women seem yet to realise this. Said Madam Koh Lay Hong, 39, who has a three-month-old child and helps in her husband's business: 'I do what I can, and when I need help, I ask for it and my husband obliges. That makes me very happy.'
ST Dec 11, 2004
Men, get that broom out if you want to stay married
Couples more likely to be happier and stay together if they share chores: Study
By Vivi Zainol
A LOCAL study has found that more Singapore fathers are pitching in when it comes to looking after the children, even though they believe it is really the mother's job.
Said Associate Professor Paulin Straughan, from the National University of Singapore's sociology department, who began the study in March this year: 'This is perhaps the first empirical evidence we have that Singapore fathers have grown from the traditional breadwinner model to one which sees them as involved fathers.'
But because of their mindset about women's role, fathers rarely go beyond disciplining their children.
The study, commissioned by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, also found that couples are more likely to be happier and stay together if they also share household chores besides the children's upbringing. In fact, relationships go from strength to strength with each added task a husband does.
The chances of a marriage continuing increases by 1.8 times for every added chore husbands take on, said Prof Straughan, as women are happier when their husbands do more at home, and the more their husbands do, the happier marriages are.
In the study of 1,026 married people and 827 divorcees in their mid-20s, partners in ongoing unions share about five chores, while those in relationships which have ended did about three.
The study also found that though men may help out, they do not want to be responsible for housework.
One example is civil servant Ethan Teo, 35, who admitted that his wife is 'not very happy' with the division of labour in their home.
'It's the wife's job to do the more 'feminine' chores like cooking, washing and putting the kids to sleep,' he claimed. 'I'll change the light bulb and do things that are more strenuous, like mopping the floor.
'Because of this sort of thinking, women take the lead in all but three of the 19 tasks involving either home care and supervision, child care or looking after an elderly person. The three are carrying out household repairs, washing the car and paying bills.
Women are also held responsible for an average of 8.8 domestic tasks compared with men's 2.7.
Prof Straughan said parents, families, friends, schools, the mass media and forms of popular culture are responsible for the gender-based attitudes to chores.
State policies also contribute, she added. For example, until recently, only mothers could take leave to tend to a sick child.
Deducting the foreign maid levy only from the wife's income also sends a strong message that the maid is taking over her responsibilities.
'Singapore women are really in a bind,' she said. 'They're expected to embrace multiple roles and responsibilities: to be a good wife, a loving mother who is expected to be on call 24/7, domestic manager, and to top it all... a committed employee. Meanwhile, their husbands continue to hold on to very traditional expectations.
'Many women seem yet to realise this. Said Madam Koh Lay Hong, 39, who has a three-month-old child and helps in her husband's business: 'I do what I can, and when I need help, I ask for it and my husband obliges. That makes me very happy.'
so sad when i read e following article....got it fr e web while i was doing my research......i believe e article is talking abt m'sia....but i tink e same things happen here in s'pore......where e statistics r much much lower....but which may juz b under-reporting......really disheartening 2 read abt all these.......but more pple shld b educated.......
fr: http://www.protectionproject.org/vt/2002/ne416.htm
HEALING THE SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILD
Yeang Soo Ching
MANY child sexual abuse cases go unreported, either because of the shame of it or because reporting the matter would mean a loved one going to jail, thereby depriving the family of a breadwinner.
This paucity of reports, and therefore the lack of correct statistics, tends to give us a false sense of security.
Statistics compiled by the Welfare Services Department show that in 2000, a total of 934 child abuse and neglect cases were reported to the department. Of these, 258 cases related to sexual abuse.
However, police statistics on child sexual abuse during the same year paint a more gloomy picture - 1,217 rapes, 198 incest, 614 outraging of modesty and 98 cases of sodomy.
From January to May 2001, according to statistics from the National Population and Family Development Board, 73 cases of incest were recorded. The board's statistics for 2000 showed 136 such cases.
Child sexual abuse is a crime punishable under the Penal Code, the Child Protection Act 1991, the Women and Girls Protection Act 1973 and the Child Act 2001.
The law relating to incest and rape was recently amended, and under the Penal Code (Amendment) Bill 2001, those charged with incest face a heavier penalty compared with non-incest rape.
For incest, the law provides for a jail term of not less than six years and not more than 20 years, and 24 strokes of the rotan. Rapes carry a jail term of not less than five years and whipping.
Suspected cases of child sexual abuse can be reported to any of three agencies: Welfare Services Department, the police and hospitals. Unfortunately, researches by non-governmental organisations show that a mere 10 per cent of sexual abuse cases are reported.
When seeking medical assistance, it is best to contact the SCAN (Suspected Child Abuse and Neglect) team in any government hospital because ultimately, in cases of suspected child abuse, private clinics will refer them to these hospitals.
The SCAN team comprises paediatricians, a gynaecologist, psychiatrist, medical social worker, a representative from the Welfare Services Department and the police. If a SCAN team is not available, cases should be referred to the hospital's accident and emergency section.
Dr Irene Cheah, a consultant paediatrician with the SCAN team at KualaLumpur Hospital, says child sexual abuse victims treated at the hospital are sometimes as young as two years old, but the majority are above five.
While the abuse is more prevalent among girls than boys, there are cases of male victims aged between eight and 10. "Victims younger than five are unable to reveal what has happened, so parents must be sensitive to achild's behaviour.
"In the majority of young children, there is no penetration, merely fingering and fondling to arouse the child. Later, penetration does take place. "Long-term sexual abuse is often shrouded in a veil of secrecy. The child is made to feel she agreed to it and, therefore, she will not expose the perpetrator. It's their little secret. This is what we call the 'accommodation syndrome'.
"In her book, there are two types of child sexual abusers - paedophiles and the happily married man who craves a sense of power. Abusers are usually known to the victims and are in positions of trust or responsibility.
Sexual assault, on the other hand, is usually carried out by strangers and is usually a one-off attack. While the emotional trauma for a sexual assault victim is as great as that of the sexually abused child, there is usually family support for the assault victim.
For the abused child, however, there is often a lack of family support, especially if the abuser is the father.
During a physical examination in the hospital, a police representative is usually around to collect the chain of evidence.
The examination depends on the history of events, and is generally an external one of the genital area. A full examination is conducted when other forensic evidence is required.
An internal examination, which can distress the child, is only done under anaesthesia. Checks are done for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
The child is warded, and if emotionally traumatised, is sent for psychiatric treatment.
"In the short term, the child may seem to be coping, but there are always long-term implications such as highly sexualised behaviour leading to promiscuity.
"Parents should pay serious attention when a child says someone has been touching her. If sexual abuse has taken place, they should be supportive and ensure the child continues her normal lifestyle but with increased awareness of safety. But some parents just want to forget the whole thing and don't report it," Dr Cheah laments.
Universiti Putra Malaysia's Professor Dr Kasmini Kassim, a senior consultant in child and adolescent psychiatry, concurs.
"I had a case where two sisters told their mother they were being raped by their stepfather, but their claims were dismissed as false. Then when the mother was dying of cancer and requested to see the girls, they refused. They had never let go of their anger," she says.
She sees an average of 10 cases of child sexual abuse a month, ranging from sodomy to molestation to rape. Age groups vary, from infants to adolescents.
"Where the child has been sexually abused for years, it takes a while for her to open up. In my therapy sessions with the child, I assess the language she uses, her behaviour, how she plays with anatomical dolls I provide her, etc."
"Survivors" , as she calls them, are referred to her by parents, teachers, police, and sometimes by the court when sexual abuse issues are raised in custody tussles.
"Most cases of sexual abuse occur within the family and are covered up, only to be revealed when related conditions, such as venereal disease and pregnancy, show. I have cases where the pregnant child is forced to point the finger at others when actually it's the work of her own family member." A counselling-related problem Dr Kasmini faces is that survivors stop coming for sessions after a few months. In her opinion, a follow-up period of one year is ideal, and thereafter an open period for counselling whereby survivors can drop in to see their counsellors anytime they need to.
"The main objective of counselling is to let the child know it's not her fault. Some children come in depressed, crying. Some can't sleep, some can't study, some play truant. Then slowly it all comes out.
"The root of the problem is her feeling of guilt, of doing something dirty. We have to emphasise that she has done nothing wrong, that she was taken advantage of and not her fault."
She cites a case where the girl was continuously raped by her father, then forced to become a prostitute by her mother, who reinforced in the girl the belief that she had been soiled and no one would ever marry her anyway.
It is paramount, says Dr Kasmini, that survivors be assured that while the past may remain in their memory, they can still go on living a good life ifthey change their attitude and concept of the world.
Besides counselling, she uses psycho therapy (going back into the past to unravel the whole picture), in which the objective is to relieve bitter and painful memories in the unconscious, and bring them out to the conscious level so that they can be dealt with. Medication is prescribed to those who are depressed or have other psychiatric disorders.
"At times, family and marital therapy is needed as well. Some wives become frigid as a result of past sexual abuse and the husband has to be counselled along with her. In family therapy, the man is asked to revealhis feelings about the matter and to show support for the survivor insteadof shunning her."
Video-taping survivors' response is also carried out with their permission or that of the parents if they are very young. The tape can later be used as court evidence.
Dr Kasmini says no notes are taken as the survivors talk. It's all heart-to-heart, observation of body language and great empathy."I feel for them, sometimes cry with them and most of all I empathise.
It's mentally draining but it's fulfilling to work with survivors."
Professor Dr Sham Kasim, of UPM's Department of Paediatrics, says knowing the manner of the sexual abuse is very important for counsellors because quite often there is no evidence of trauma or laceration.
"If the child is very young, penetration would cause massive trauma. In young children, the abuse is sometimes oral or sitting on the child, or fingering. Only 30 per cent of victims will show a ruptured hymen during a physical examination. If the abuse has been carried out over time, the wounds do heal."
So history, such as the time a child started having sexualised behaviour unusual for her age, or when she tried to tell (but was not listened to), or whether someone saw the act, etc, is very important.
In the past, doctors used to write "child has not been raped or sexually abused" because they could not find physical signs.
"Now they have been advised not to do that, but instead to delve into the history and to document their findings properly, especially if the abuse happened some time ago," Dr Sham says.
History sometimes point to the mother as the original perpetrator. There are cases, especially in second marriages, where mothers make their daughters accommodate the conjugal rights of the husbands.
"They see this as a way to retain their husbands who have lost interest in them sexually. So the daughters become the de facto wives," says Dr Sham.
He laments the fact that quite often, mothers bring their abused children for a medical examination just to ensure the hymen is intact and refuse to report the matter.
"All they care about is the question of virginity. They are embarrassed and instigate the victim to retract the police statement even after it has been made. Every member of the family, including the victim, thinks along the same line: 'How can we send our dad to jail for the next 10 years?'."
And so the child abusers continue to get away with it. Society must listen more to its conscience, and act in good faith for the sake of all our children.
The Globe and Mail (Canada)
April 15, 2002
fr: http://www.protectionproject.org/vt/2002/ne416.htm
HEALING THE SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILD
Yeang Soo Ching
MANY child sexual abuse cases go unreported, either because of the shame of it or because reporting the matter would mean a loved one going to jail, thereby depriving the family of a breadwinner.
This paucity of reports, and therefore the lack of correct statistics, tends to give us a false sense of security.
Statistics compiled by the Welfare Services Department show that in 2000, a total of 934 child abuse and neglect cases were reported to the department. Of these, 258 cases related to sexual abuse.
However, police statistics on child sexual abuse during the same year paint a more gloomy picture - 1,217 rapes, 198 incest, 614 outraging of modesty and 98 cases of sodomy.
From January to May 2001, according to statistics from the National Population and Family Development Board, 73 cases of incest were recorded. The board's statistics for 2000 showed 136 such cases.
Child sexual abuse is a crime punishable under the Penal Code, the Child Protection Act 1991, the Women and Girls Protection Act 1973 and the Child Act 2001.
The law relating to incest and rape was recently amended, and under the Penal Code (Amendment) Bill 2001, those charged with incest face a heavier penalty compared with non-incest rape.
For incest, the law provides for a jail term of not less than six years and not more than 20 years, and 24 strokes of the rotan. Rapes carry a jail term of not less than five years and whipping.
Suspected cases of child sexual abuse can be reported to any of three agencies: Welfare Services Department, the police and hospitals. Unfortunately, researches by non-governmental organisations show that a mere 10 per cent of sexual abuse cases are reported.
When seeking medical assistance, it is best to contact the SCAN (Suspected Child Abuse and Neglect) team in any government hospital because ultimately, in cases of suspected child abuse, private clinics will refer them to these hospitals.
The SCAN team comprises paediatricians, a gynaecologist, psychiatrist, medical social worker, a representative from the Welfare Services Department and the police. If a SCAN team is not available, cases should be referred to the hospital's accident and emergency section.
Dr Irene Cheah, a consultant paediatrician with the SCAN team at KualaLumpur Hospital, says child sexual abuse victims treated at the hospital are sometimes as young as two years old, but the majority are above five.
While the abuse is more prevalent among girls than boys, there are cases of male victims aged between eight and 10. "Victims younger than five are unable to reveal what has happened, so parents must be sensitive to achild's behaviour.
"In the majority of young children, there is no penetration, merely fingering and fondling to arouse the child. Later, penetration does take place. "Long-term sexual abuse is often shrouded in a veil of secrecy. The child is made to feel she agreed to it and, therefore, she will not expose the perpetrator. It's their little secret. This is what we call the 'accommodation syndrome'.
"In her book, there are two types of child sexual abusers - paedophiles and the happily married man who craves a sense of power. Abusers are usually known to the victims and are in positions of trust or responsibility.
Sexual assault, on the other hand, is usually carried out by strangers and is usually a one-off attack. While the emotional trauma for a sexual assault victim is as great as that of the sexually abused child, there is usually family support for the assault victim.
For the abused child, however, there is often a lack of family support, especially if the abuser is the father.
During a physical examination in the hospital, a police representative is usually around to collect the chain of evidence.
The examination depends on the history of events, and is generally an external one of the genital area. A full examination is conducted when other forensic evidence is required.
An internal examination, which can distress the child, is only done under anaesthesia. Checks are done for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
The child is warded, and if emotionally traumatised, is sent for psychiatric treatment.
"In the short term, the child may seem to be coping, but there are always long-term implications such as highly sexualised behaviour leading to promiscuity.
"Parents should pay serious attention when a child says someone has been touching her. If sexual abuse has taken place, they should be supportive and ensure the child continues her normal lifestyle but with increased awareness of safety. But some parents just want to forget the whole thing and don't report it," Dr Cheah laments.
Universiti Putra Malaysia's Professor Dr Kasmini Kassim, a senior consultant in child and adolescent psychiatry, concurs.
"I had a case where two sisters told their mother they were being raped by their stepfather, but their claims were dismissed as false. Then when the mother was dying of cancer and requested to see the girls, they refused. They had never let go of their anger," she says.
She sees an average of 10 cases of child sexual abuse a month, ranging from sodomy to molestation to rape. Age groups vary, from infants to adolescents.
"Where the child has been sexually abused for years, it takes a while for her to open up. In my therapy sessions with the child, I assess the language she uses, her behaviour, how she plays with anatomical dolls I provide her, etc."
"Survivors" , as she calls them, are referred to her by parents, teachers, police, and sometimes by the court when sexual abuse issues are raised in custody tussles.
"Most cases of sexual abuse occur within the family and are covered up, only to be revealed when related conditions, such as venereal disease and pregnancy, show. I have cases where the pregnant child is forced to point the finger at others when actually it's the work of her own family member." A counselling-related problem Dr Kasmini faces is that survivors stop coming for sessions after a few months. In her opinion, a follow-up period of one year is ideal, and thereafter an open period for counselling whereby survivors can drop in to see their counsellors anytime they need to.
"The main objective of counselling is to let the child know it's not her fault. Some children come in depressed, crying. Some can't sleep, some can't study, some play truant. Then slowly it all comes out.
"The root of the problem is her feeling of guilt, of doing something dirty. We have to emphasise that she has done nothing wrong, that she was taken advantage of and not her fault."
She cites a case where the girl was continuously raped by her father, then forced to become a prostitute by her mother, who reinforced in the girl the belief that she had been soiled and no one would ever marry her anyway.
It is paramount, says Dr Kasmini, that survivors be assured that while the past may remain in their memory, they can still go on living a good life ifthey change their attitude and concept of the world.
Besides counselling, she uses psycho therapy (going back into the past to unravel the whole picture), in which the objective is to relieve bitter and painful memories in the unconscious, and bring them out to the conscious level so that they can be dealt with. Medication is prescribed to those who are depressed or have other psychiatric disorders.
"At times, family and marital therapy is needed as well. Some wives become frigid as a result of past sexual abuse and the husband has to be counselled along with her. In family therapy, the man is asked to revealhis feelings about the matter and to show support for the survivor insteadof shunning her."
Video-taping survivors' response is also carried out with their permission or that of the parents if they are very young. The tape can later be used as court evidence.
Dr Kasmini says no notes are taken as the survivors talk. It's all heart-to-heart, observation of body language and great empathy."I feel for them, sometimes cry with them and most of all I empathise.
It's mentally draining but it's fulfilling to work with survivors."
Professor Dr Sham Kasim, of UPM's Department of Paediatrics, says knowing the manner of the sexual abuse is very important for counsellors because quite often there is no evidence of trauma or laceration.
"If the child is very young, penetration would cause massive trauma. In young children, the abuse is sometimes oral or sitting on the child, or fingering. Only 30 per cent of victims will show a ruptured hymen during a physical examination. If the abuse has been carried out over time, the wounds do heal."
So history, such as the time a child started having sexualised behaviour unusual for her age, or when she tried to tell (but was not listened to), or whether someone saw the act, etc, is very important.
In the past, doctors used to write "child has not been raped or sexually abused" because they could not find physical signs.
"Now they have been advised not to do that, but instead to delve into the history and to document their findings properly, especially if the abuse happened some time ago," Dr Sham says.
History sometimes point to the mother as the original perpetrator. There are cases, especially in second marriages, where mothers make their daughters accommodate the conjugal rights of the husbands.
"They see this as a way to retain their husbands who have lost interest in them sexually. So the daughters become the de facto wives," says Dr Sham.
He laments the fact that quite often, mothers bring their abused children for a medical examination just to ensure the hymen is intact and refuse to report the matter.
"All they care about is the question of virginity. They are embarrassed and instigate the victim to retract the police statement even after it has been made. Every member of the family, including the victim, thinks along the same line: 'How can we send our dad to jail for the next 10 years?'."
And so the child abusers continue to get away with it. Society must listen more to its conscience, and act in good faith for the sake of all our children.
The Globe and Mail (Canada)
April 15, 2002
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Straits Times Dec 14, 2004
Parents on strike over naughty kids
MRS Cat Barnard has become America's real-life desperate housewife. She and her husband, Harlan, are on strike.
They are sick of kids who do not do their chores and do not show respect, and have left the house in the hands of their 12-year-old daughter Kit and their 17-year-old son Ben.
The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home from school on Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten signs that read 'Parents on Strike' and 'Seeking Cooperation and Respect!'
Mrs Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mother, and her 56-year-old husband, a government social services worker, decided their children needed to learn about empathy and responsibility.
The Barnards now live in a cramped tent on the front lawn of their Deltona, Florida, home, and they plan to stay there until the kids start behaving.
The paparazzi love the show and are now permanent fixtures on the Barnards' once-sleepy street.
The strike seems to have struck a nerve. The phone has been ringing incessantly with requests for media interviews. Passers-by have shouted out words of encouragement.
One woman driving past the Barnards' house rolled down her car window on Wednesday and shouted: 'Good for you! You should put the kids outside!' \-- WASHINGTON POST, ASSOCIATED PRESS
i hope my parents dun do tt 2 me.......
Parents on strike over naughty kids
MRS Cat Barnard has become America's real-life desperate housewife. She and her husband, Harlan, are on strike.
They are sick of kids who do not do their chores and do not show respect, and have left the house in the hands of their 12-year-old daughter Kit and their 17-year-old son Ben.
The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home from school on Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten signs that read 'Parents on Strike' and 'Seeking Cooperation and Respect!'
Mrs Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mother, and her 56-year-old husband, a government social services worker, decided their children needed to learn about empathy and responsibility.
The Barnards now live in a cramped tent on the front lawn of their Deltona, Florida, home, and they plan to stay there until the kids start behaving.
The paparazzi love the show and are now permanent fixtures on the Barnards' once-sleepy street.
The strike seems to have struck a nerve. The phone has been ringing incessantly with requests for media interviews. Passers-by have shouted out words of encouragement.
One woman driving past the Barnards' house rolled down her car window on Wednesday and shouted: 'Good for you! You should put the kids outside!' \-- WASHINGTON POST, ASSOCIATED PRESS
i hope my parents dun do tt 2 me.......
Straits Times Dec 14, 2004
My neighbour, the stranger
Most polled hardly chat with their neighbours or visit them
By Yap Su-yin
SINGAPOREANS are generally not a friendly lot, but you can count on them to lend a helping hand.
According to a survey carried out by The Straits Times last month, 70 per cent of Singaporeans know fewer than 10 people in their neighbourhood.
For half of the people here, having a chat with the neighbours once a week is the limit of community contact.
When an emergency strikes, however, or even if a favour is needed, the Survey On Community Living And Neighbourliness found 87 per cent of people are confident they can count on their neighbours.
The Straits Times surveyed 428 people, aged 15 and above, in both public and private housing.
Almost 70 per cent hardly or never step into their neighbours' homes. If they do, it is most likely during festive occasions.
However, the distance Singaporeans appear to keep from their neighbours does not mean they do not lend a hand when asked.
More than half have asked or done favours for their neighbours.
Also, 83 per cent said they have a sense of community, even though most do not take part in community events.
Mr Vincent Chua, teaching assistant at the National University of Singapore sociology department, said the steady decline of neighbourliness in Singapore over the years should not be interpreted as 'unwillingness to mix with others'.
Neighbourliness 'among kin appears sustained, with more families relying on family rather than neighbours for their well-being', said Mr Chua, who has researched the subject of personal community networks in Singapore.
As kin are never more than few kilometres away, neighbours become resources of last resort, he said.
Another factor making neighbourliness redundant is easy access to goods and amenities needed for daily life in most housing estates.
That may be one reason the most helpful neighbours seem to be private housing residents, compared to HDB heartlanders.
About seven in 10 of those in private homes have helped others in the neighbourhood, compared with half of those in public housing.
Businessman Kenneth Lee, 40, who lives in a private condominium in the east, said: 'I often give my neighbours a lift out to the main road where they can catch a bus or taxi. If we lived in a public estate, where bus stops are everywhere, there's no need.'
Common corridors, void decks and lift landings in HDB estates, while presenting opportunities for residents to bump into each other, do not guarantee closer ties.
Mr Abdul Latip, 50, a lifeguard who lives in a four-room flat, said: 'Everyone is rushing about just to survive.
'We need to live like machines now. No time to know our neighbours. Once at home, you're so tired you just want to rest.'
But he acknowledges that having helpful neighbours is critical.
'If there's a fire, it's your neighbours who will knock on your door and call the authorities.'
The survey also indicated that income group, education level, race, age and housing type have some bearing on the level of friendliness among neighbours:
Older, poorer and lower-educated residents are much friendlier to their neighbours than young, educated, high income earners.
Mr Chua offered an explanation: 'Older people, as well as those with lower income, are less mobile physically and socially, so their ties are more specific to their immediate surroundings.'
On the other hand, the middle class move around in more social circles and have built friendships elsewhere, he said.
Malays also stand out in the survey.
Unlike Chinese and Indians, 82 per cent of Malays said they have chatted with their neighbour, compared with 71 per cent of Chinese.
A similar proportion have invited neighbours to their homes during festive occasions, compared with 42 per cent of Chinese.
Singapore Kindness Movement chairman Noel Hon, whose team started the inaugural Good Neighbour's Day on Nov 13, said bonds between neighbours naturally weaken when people move house.
'These people lose some of their threads from their old neighbourhoods,' he said.
He expects the situation will improve as 'neighbourhoods have now been established for some time.'
His view appears to be borne out by the survey findings, in which 87 per cent of respondents said they would like to stay put for many years to come.
Retiree Freddie Yap, 61, dismissed all the theories that account for the decline in neighbourliness.
It is up to the individual, said Mr Yap, who still sends Hari Raya cards to his Muslim former neighbour long after both families moved out of the same Housing Board estate.
'At the end of the day, you must be ready to accommodate and accept each other to build any sort of relationship. Say hello, care a little, have some consideration.
'Some people are so cheap they won't even buy a greeting card for their neighbour during festive occasions. But a simple gesture like that does wonders because it shows you care.' \-- ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY THERESA TAN
i admit again, i dun talk 2 my neighbors!!! but i do smile at them at e very least....at least 2 e malay family next door who has lived there 4 a few yrs.....e other neighbor is a bit more tao & i hardly c them....e other 1 is new, moved in 4 <>
My neighbour, the stranger
Most polled hardly chat with their neighbours or visit them
By Yap Su-yin
SINGAPOREANS are generally not a friendly lot, but you can count on them to lend a helping hand.
According to a survey carried out by The Straits Times last month, 70 per cent of Singaporeans know fewer than 10 people in their neighbourhood.
For half of the people here, having a chat with the neighbours once a week is the limit of community contact.
When an emergency strikes, however, or even if a favour is needed, the Survey On Community Living And Neighbourliness found 87 per cent of people are confident they can count on their neighbours.
The Straits Times surveyed 428 people, aged 15 and above, in both public and private housing.
Almost 70 per cent hardly or never step into their neighbours' homes. If they do, it is most likely during festive occasions.
However, the distance Singaporeans appear to keep from their neighbours does not mean they do not lend a hand when asked.
More than half have asked or done favours for their neighbours.
Also, 83 per cent said they have a sense of community, even though most do not take part in community events.
Mr Vincent Chua, teaching assistant at the National University of Singapore sociology department, said the steady decline of neighbourliness in Singapore over the years should not be interpreted as 'unwillingness to mix with others'.
Neighbourliness 'among kin appears sustained, with more families relying on family rather than neighbours for their well-being', said Mr Chua, who has researched the subject of personal community networks in Singapore.
As kin are never more than few kilometres away, neighbours become resources of last resort, he said.
Another factor making neighbourliness redundant is easy access to goods and amenities needed for daily life in most housing estates.
That may be one reason the most helpful neighbours seem to be private housing residents, compared to HDB heartlanders.
About seven in 10 of those in private homes have helped others in the neighbourhood, compared with half of those in public housing.
Businessman Kenneth Lee, 40, who lives in a private condominium in the east, said: 'I often give my neighbours a lift out to the main road where they can catch a bus or taxi. If we lived in a public estate, where bus stops are everywhere, there's no need.'
Common corridors, void decks and lift landings in HDB estates, while presenting opportunities for residents to bump into each other, do not guarantee closer ties.
Mr Abdul Latip, 50, a lifeguard who lives in a four-room flat, said: 'Everyone is rushing about just to survive.
'We need to live like machines now. No time to know our neighbours. Once at home, you're so tired you just want to rest.'
But he acknowledges that having helpful neighbours is critical.
'If there's a fire, it's your neighbours who will knock on your door and call the authorities.'
The survey also indicated that income group, education level, race, age and housing type have some bearing on the level of friendliness among neighbours:
Older, poorer and lower-educated residents are much friendlier to their neighbours than young, educated, high income earners.
Mr Chua offered an explanation: 'Older people, as well as those with lower income, are less mobile physically and socially, so their ties are more specific to their immediate surroundings.'
On the other hand, the middle class move around in more social circles and have built friendships elsewhere, he said.
Malays also stand out in the survey.
Unlike Chinese and Indians, 82 per cent of Malays said they have chatted with their neighbour, compared with 71 per cent of Chinese.
A similar proportion have invited neighbours to their homes during festive occasions, compared with 42 per cent of Chinese.
Singapore Kindness Movement chairman Noel Hon, whose team started the inaugural Good Neighbour's Day on Nov 13, said bonds between neighbours naturally weaken when people move house.
'These people lose some of their threads from their old neighbourhoods,' he said.
He expects the situation will improve as 'neighbourhoods have now been established for some time.'
His view appears to be borne out by the survey findings, in which 87 per cent of respondents said they would like to stay put for many years to come.
Retiree Freddie Yap, 61, dismissed all the theories that account for the decline in neighbourliness.
It is up to the individual, said Mr Yap, who still sends Hari Raya cards to his Muslim former neighbour long after both families moved out of the same Housing Board estate.
'At the end of the day, you must be ready to accommodate and accept each other to build any sort of relationship. Say hello, care a little, have some consideration.
'Some people are so cheap they won't even buy a greeting card for their neighbour during festive occasions. But a simple gesture like that does wonders because it shows you care.' \-- ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY THERESA TAN
i admit again, i dun talk 2 my neighbors!!! but i do smile at them at e very least....at least 2 e malay family next door who has lived there 4 a few yrs.....e other neighbor is a bit more tao & i hardly c them....e other 1 is new, moved in 4 <>
Today December 13, 2004
We politely disagree
WHEN pigs fly — or should it be, when Singaporeans fly off their seats to offer them to pregnant women on the MRT — that's when we can say "gracious" and "Singaporean" in the same breath without gagging on the contradiction.
That, at least, seems to be the incredulous reaction of most readers to Swede Camilla Porsman's description of treatment she received from local train commuters ("Friendliness is everywhere in Singapore", Dec 6).
As PJ Lee, who is 36 weeks pregnant put it, the details of Ms Porsman's letter "almost made me choke on my breakfast".
Only two days earlier, she said, she had boarded the train with her six-year-old son in tow.
"I was standing near the corner seats with the sign that reads, 'Please offer this seat to those who need it'.
The folks in those seats were doing a great job of ignoring me and my son. Some of the actions of such people are so pretentious, I feel like laughing sometimes.
"In her experience, only "four times out of ten do people actually get up to offer me their seats. The people who have (including a group of Indian construction workers, once) are my heroes".
There were two exceptions to the cynical backlash from readers. Terry Yap witnessed several passengers standing up for a pregnant woman on a train.
Taiwanese Susan Hsu raved about the "loveliness, warmth and friendliness" of Singaporeans since she arrived a year ago.
"One day when it was pouring, I was waiting for a traffic light to change so I could cross the road. One woman saw me and offered to share her umbrella with me," she recounted.
"I have travelled on business to many Asian countries and this has never happened to me before.
"In stark contrast, Chilean Patricio Briceno — who gets the cold shoulder when he says "hello" to a neighbour or a fellow lift passenger — said: "I have never seen people as impolite and unfriendly as Singaporeans."
"My only guess as to the reason for Ms Porsman's experience is that she is probably a blonde, good-looking Caucasian lady."
Glenn M Jothy concurred. "Her daily experiences will certainly be far more pleasant than those of a Bangladeshi foreign worker or your common Indonesian maid.
"Or, for that matter, even the ordinary Singaporean living in the HDB heartland.
"So let's not fool ourselves into believing for even one moment that we have 'arrived' as a society when it comes to graciousness and kindness."
But if the majority of Singaporeans seem to fail to measure up in terms of small acts of everyday kindness, now and then, an opportunity comes along for those with heart to respond.
As seven people did last week after reading about Madam Zarina Harpal Singh's selfless mission for foreign workers in Singapore ("A hand for the helpless", Dec 6).
One woman said her ministry division was interested in the chance to do community work. A man volunteered a temporary shelter. Another woman offered $160 in shopping vouchers.
At times like this, one can almost believe Susan Hsu's affirmation of Singaporeans — that "they are born with a genuine heart."
i admit i'm 1 o those who dun give up their seats! i'm so tired & i really 1 2 sit down!!! in e morn tt's e only time i've 2 catch up on my sleep.....& when i get off work, tt's e only time i can give my body a little rest.... ok excuses.....my bottomline is tt if i feel tt person needs e seat more than me then i'll give it up, if i feel they dun, i'll only give up my seat if they asked me, period. if u really need a seat tt badly, e least u cld do is ask!!!!
giving up ur seat doesn't equate 2 being gracious.......i dunno wat i carry in my bags but they weigh at least a kg or 2.....i dun disagree tt pregnant women's load is much more than tt, but smetimes i juz dun bother......okk another excuse.....
anywayz, i feel tt smetimes many pple juz dun bother abt e little little things....it's juz 2 much work smehow......i'll try 2 b more gracious..... if i'm not tt tired!!!ok ok.......
We politely disagree
WHEN pigs fly — or should it be, when Singaporeans fly off their seats to offer them to pregnant women on the MRT — that's when we can say "gracious" and "Singaporean" in the same breath without gagging on the contradiction.
That, at least, seems to be the incredulous reaction of most readers to Swede Camilla Porsman's description of treatment she received from local train commuters ("Friendliness is everywhere in Singapore", Dec 6).
As PJ Lee, who is 36 weeks pregnant put it, the details of Ms Porsman's letter "almost made me choke on my breakfast".
Only two days earlier, she said, she had boarded the train with her six-year-old son in tow.
"I was standing near the corner seats with the sign that reads, 'Please offer this seat to those who need it'.
The folks in those seats were doing a great job of ignoring me and my son. Some of the actions of such people are so pretentious, I feel like laughing sometimes.
"In her experience, only "four times out of ten do people actually get up to offer me their seats. The people who have (including a group of Indian construction workers, once) are my heroes".
There were two exceptions to the cynical backlash from readers. Terry Yap witnessed several passengers standing up for a pregnant woman on a train.
Taiwanese Susan Hsu raved about the "loveliness, warmth and friendliness" of Singaporeans since she arrived a year ago.
"One day when it was pouring, I was waiting for a traffic light to change so I could cross the road. One woman saw me and offered to share her umbrella with me," she recounted.
"I have travelled on business to many Asian countries and this has never happened to me before.
"In stark contrast, Chilean Patricio Briceno — who gets the cold shoulder when he says "hello" to a neighbour or a fellow lift passenger — said: "I have never seen people as impolite and unfriendly as Singaporeans."
"My only guess as to the reason for Ms Porsman's experience is that she is probably a blonde, good-looking Caucasian lady."
Glenn M Jothy concurred. "Her daily experiences will certainly be far more pleasant than those of a Bangladeshi foreign worker or your common Indonesian maid.
"Or, for that matter, even the ordinary Singaporean living in the HDB heartland.
"So let's not fool ourselves into believing for even one moment that we have 'arrived' as a society when it comes to graciousness and kindness."
But if the majority of Singaporeans seem to fail to measure up in terms of small acts of everyday kindness, now and then, an opportunity comes along for those with heart to respond.
As seven people did last week after reading about Madam Zarina Harpal Singh's selfless mission for foreign workers in Singapore ("A hand for the helpless", Dec 6).
One woman said her ministry division was interested in the chance to do community work. A man volunteered a temporary shelter. Another woman offered $160 in shopping vouchers.
At times like this, one can almost believe Susan Hsu's affirmation of Singaporeans — that "they are born with a genuine heart."
i admit i'm 1 o those who dun give up their seats! i'm so tired & i really 1 2 sit down!!! in e morn tt's e only time i've 2 catch up on my sleep.....& when i get off work, tt's e only time i can give my body a little rest.... ok excuses.....my bottomline is tt if i feel tt person needs e seat more than me then i'll give it up, if i feel they dun, i'll only give up my seat if they asked me, period. if u really need a seat tt badly, e least u cld do is ask!!!!
giving up ur seat doesn't equate 2 being gracious.......i dunno wat i carry in my bags but they weigh at least a kg or 2.....i dun disagree tt pregnant women's load is much more than tt, but smetimes i juz dun bother......okk another excuse.....
anywayz, i feel tt smetimes many pple juz dun bother abt e little little things....it's juz 2 much work smehow......i'll try 2 b more gracious..... if i'm not tt tired!!!ok ok.......
Friday, December 10, 2004
From email fr my boss....
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first, she said. The audience laughed so hard they cried.
Dr. Angelou also said: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Been really busy these few days attending mtgs after mtgs....still in e midst o writing minutes 4 2 o e mtgs.....haizzzz so i can't blog much......anyway, e mtgs were a great success!!! everything was cleared up finally, & i can finally carry on wif e work....happpy....but busy 7 headache wif writing minutes.....
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first, she said. The audience laughed so hard they cried.
Dr. Angelou also said: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Been really busy these few days attending mtgs after mtgs....still in e midst o writing minutes 4 2 o e mtgs.....haizzzz so i can't blog much......anyway, e mtgs were a great success!!! everything was cleared up finally, & i can finally carry on wif e work....happpy....but busy 7 headache wif writing minutes.....
Monday, December 06, 2004
mtg up.....
i still like 2 initiate mtgs....even though i know i may b disappointed.....but i c tt pple do respond more now.....many pple seem 2 b more spontaneous......mayb it's e x'mas spirit......i've decided long ago not 2 b so kp....but i juz can't help it......mayb it's cos i'm juz so free.....i dun feel appreciated a lot o e times......but c-ing pple come 2gather juz by n sms, i tink it's worthwhile la....a little heartache here & there will make my heart stronger i guess.....
A friend sent this 2 me.....everything sounds so true....if only we can really do wat we tink we shld.....i really wish i've e courage 2 do more things, 2 realise more things....2 not b afraid......2 b responsible.....2 b me once again.....2 b really me....
Moments in Life
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
====================================
'The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart....' Helen Keller
Moments in Life
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
====================================
'The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart....' Helen Keller
ST Dec 5 2004
Bedroom blues
Marriages break down due to different opinions on sex and parenthood
By Li Xueying
SEX, to graduate student Joyce Tang, is not all it's cracked up to be. After just one year of marriage to her IT engineer husband, she's bored, she said.
'We do it because it's part of love and marriage. But he's usually so tired when he comes home from work.'
According to a Sunday Times survey, just 65 per cent of women, compared to 72 per cent of men, described their sex life with their spouse as 'good'. Also, 67 per cent of women rated their husbands' lovemaking skills as 'good', while 76 per cent of men said the same of their wives.
Evidently, Singaporean couples may share the same bed but not the same views on sex.
Experts such as Dr Wei Siang Yu, Singapore's self-styled Dr Love, said men are more self-absorbed, neglecting the needs of their partners.
The difference in opinions extend to parenthood.
More than 30 per cent of the husbands want three or more kids, compared to just 18 per cent of the women.
This could become a source of marital discord.
Administrative manager Anne Tan, 33, divorced her pilot husband two years ago after four years of marriage, partly because he didn't want any children.
Coincidentally, her new fiance, Mr B. Tan, 34, a sales manager, also divorced his engineer wife of six years for the same reason recently.
'She was very focused on her career, very ambitious,' said Ms Tan. So when she and Mr Tan
met, they 'could understand each other'. They are tying the knot next month.
Psychiatrists say that they see patients whose marriages are in trouble due to differences in opinions about parenthood and sex.
And one key reason is the lack of communication before marriage, leaving issues unresolved.
Said Dr Adrian Wang from the Institute of Mental Health: 'One common complaint from the women is that all the household duties lie with them, while it's very easy for the men to say they want three kids.'
On the flip side, the decision not to have children may lead to problems later in the marriage.
Psychiatrist Brian Yeo said: 'Without children, there is not much glue in the marriage. There is nothing to hold the couples back from drifting apart, especially when men develop a roving eye.
In fact, some will tell their wives that it was their fault they didn't want children and so they can't be blamed for finding mistresses!'
But this does not faze Ms Elaine Koh, 29, a corporate communications officer. She and her husband, Mr Kuek Hai Leng, 31, who works in advertising, have been married for three years.
'My husband thinks that he can convince me in five years that I'd be ready for children. But I don't think I would change. If I have kids, I'd be taking away money that I could have given to my parents or spent on myself.
'My husband will satisfy my emotional needs... I've told him I'll get a puppy and teach it how to say 'Daddy'.'
wat's marriage anyway???? 1 thing tt i'm certain tt i'm diff fr fiona is tt i'm not heading 2wards e path o marriage at least not in e very near future.....it's impt tt a couple has e same view 2wards life....& i congratulate u again snow, on ur finding o a gem in fiona!!!! jan, we've 2 save up 4 a big red ang bao 4 mr snow!!!! broke man.....
Bedroom blues
Marriages break down due to different opinions on sex and parenthood
By Li Xueying
SEX, to graduate student Joyce Tang, is not all it's cracked up to be. After just one year of marriage to her IT engineer husband, she's bored, she said.
'We do it because it's part of love and marriage. But he's usually so tired when he comes home from work.'
According to a Sunday Times survey, just 65 per cent of women, compared to 72 per cent of men, described their sex life with their spouse as 'good'. Also, 67 per cent of women rated their husbands' lovemaking skills as 'good', while 76 per cent of men said the same of their wives.
Evidently, Singaporean couples may share the same bed but not the same views on sex.
Experts such as Dr Wei Siang Yu, Singapore's self-styled Dr Love, said men are more self-absorbed, neglecting the needs of their partners.
The difference in opinions extend to parenthood.
More than 30 per cent of the husbands want three or more kids, compared to just 18 per cent of the women.
This could become a source of marital discord.
Administrative manager Anne Tan, 33, divorced her pilot husband two years ago after four years of marriage, partly because he didn't want any children.
Coincidentally, her new fiance, Mr B. Tan, 34, a sales manager, also divorced his engineer wife of six years for the same reason recently.
'She was very focused on her career, very ambitious,' said Ms Tan. So when she and Mr Tan
met, they 'could understand each other'. They are tying the knot next month.
Psychiatrists say that they see patients whose marriages are in trouble due to differences in opinions about parenthood and sex.
And one key reason is the lack of communication before marriage, leaving issues unresolved.
Said Dr Adrian Wang from the Institute of Mental Health: 'One common complaint from the women is that all the household duties lie with them, while it's very easy for the men to say they want three kids.'
On the flip side, the decision not to have children may lead to problems later in the marriage.
Psychiatrist Brian Yeo said: 'Without children, there is not much glue in the marriage. There is nothing to hold the couples back from drifting apart, especially when men develop a roving eye.
In fact, some will tell their wives that it was their fault they didn't want children and so they can't be blamed for finding mistresses!'
But this does not faze Ms Elaine Koh, 29, a corporate communications officer. She and her husband, Mr Kuek Hai Leng, 31, who works in advertising, have been married for three years.
'My husband thinks that he can convince me in five years that I'd be ready for children. But I don't think I would change. If I have kids, I'd be taking away money that I could have given to my parents or spent on myself.
'My husband will satisfy my emotional needs... I've told him I'll get a puppy and teach it how to say 'Daddy'.'
wat's marriage anyway???? 1 thing tt i'm certain tt i'm diff fr fiona is tt i'm not heading 2wards e path o marriage at least not in e very near future.....it's impt tt a couple has e same view 2wards life....& i congratulate u again snow, on ur finding o a gem in fiona!!!! jan, we've 2 save up 4 a big red ang bao 4 mr snow!!!! broke man.....
wear ur seat belts pls.....
ST Dec 4 2004
6 myths that could kill your children
Did you know that crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge?
LEOW JU-LEN learns some hard truths from two safety experts
IF WE would all wear belts, so many lives would be saved, says John-Fredrik Gronvall. As a senior safety research engineer with Volvo Car Corporation, he should know.
Mr Gronvall and Ms Anna Claesson, an accident researcher from Volvo, were in town recently to raise awareness of how proper seatbelt usage can make a real difference to safety, particularly for children travelling in cars.
His main message was simple: If you love your children, belt them up. And not merely because the law requires you to do so, but because it makes a very real difference to their survival chances in a crash.
'All this is about awareness, and not just about fines.'
1 Fatal crashes are rare in Singapore
Fact: Last year, 211 people were killed on Singapore roads - 27 of those casualties were riding in a car. 'That's pretty good for a population of your size,' says Mr Gronvall. Indeed, it sounds that a person's chances of dying in a car are relatively slim here.
However, when told that Singapore has roughly 405,000 passenger cars, Mr Gronvall quickly readjusts his assessment. 'In that case, it's a little high,' he says.
In fact, Singapore's casualty rate, while much better than those in most parts of Asia, still lags behind that of some developed countries. Great Britain has 70 times as many cars as Singapore, for example, but only 16 times as many road deaths.
Rather worryingly, the 27 people killed in cars last year also represent an increase of 28.6 per cent over 2002.
2 Speeds in Singapore are too low to cause serious injury
Fact: It doesn't take serious speed to cause serious injury. Try this on for size: Climb onto an ordinary dining chair, then fall forward onto your face. Be sure to have a tissue handy to wipe the blood from your nose. Congratulations! You've just simulated a crash at only 15kmh.
It gets increasingly violent as you increase the speed.
Crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge, for example. '30kmh is nothing,' says Mr Gronvall, adding that seatbelt usage is of paramount importance because drivers easily exceed the low speeds cited in our examples, even in Singapore.
3 Parents can hold on to their children during a collision
Fact: The law says that children up to eight must be in a child seat. Many people flout this, but it's impossible to flout the laws of physics. These dictate that a child weighing, say, 30kg and travelling at 40kmh would carry as much as one tonne of energy in a frontal collision.
Parents may be able to perform superhuman feats of time management and power cleaning, but holding on to a tonne isn't possible for anyone. Only seatbelts are able to restrain a child's body properly.
'Here, you often see the family's maid holding the baby,' says Mr Gronvall. 'In a crash, the maid kills the baby, or the baby kills someone.' In fact, an unbelted child is doubly dangerous because during a crash, an unrestrained body is a potentially fatal hazard.
According to Volvo, if a child's body hit your back with one tonne of force, all your ribs would break, they would puncture your lungs, and you would be gone in 60 seconds.
4 Size is everything - if my child is big enough, he doesn't need a booster seat
Fact: Children need special seats not merely because of their size, but also their bone structure. Seatbelts are designed for adults and if they're not used together with booster seat or child seat, they can cause injuries in a crash.
Adult hips, for example, are shaped differently from those of children, and this can cause a lap belt to slip over a child's abdomen during a crash, causing internal organ damage.
As for smaller children travelling without booster seats, the lap belt often sits directly over their tummies, with the torso belt at their chins - both dangerous positions.
Despite what the law says, Volvo recommends that children use a booster seat up to age 10 because that's when their bones are properly formed. It's also imperative for children to sit in their boosters in a seat with no airbag facing it.
Parents normally do the opposite and allow their kids to stop using the seats too early, but in this respect, it pays to be kiasu.
5 Rearward-facing seats are unnecessary, and give kids motion sickness
Fact: Travelling backwards is actually safer, according to Volvo, and if car design made it possible, the company would prefer that adults sat facing rearwards, too.
Small children in particular should travel in a rearward-facing child seat. Ms Claesson says that during a frontal collision, a forward-facing child would suffer a broken neck easily. That's because children are proportioned differently.
A newborn's head makes up half its bodyweight, for example. Coupled with the fact that its spine has yet to be properly formed, the forces pulling its head forward in a frontal collision would snap its neck.
'This makes it important that the child is using rearward restraints up to the age of three or four,' says Ms Claesson.
Many parents abandon their rearward facing seats long before that, worrying that travelling backwards would disorientate their children. But Ms Claesson says children are less likely to suffer from disorientation than adults, who are much more used to travelling forward.
Rearward-facing seats, she says, should actually be used 'as long as possible'. Volvo's field researchers have collected data from 30,000 accidents since the 1970s, and among all the cases where an infant was in a rearward-facing seat, only one fatality was recorded. Even that was caused by drowning, because the car involved plunged into a river.
One thing to note, however: Rearward-facing seats should never be used in a seat with an active airbag in front of it.
6 Seatbelts are a danger to unborn children
Fact: The opposite is true - lack of seatbelt use causes the death of unborn children in car crashes. In fact, studies from the United States show that car crashes are the leading cause of death for unborn children.
According to Ms Claesson, some pregnant women believe that seatbelts will do more harm than good in a frontal collision, a misconception that has resulted in needless casualties.
Worn properly, the belt would restrain the mother in a crash and pose no threat to the foetus.
The mother should avoid wearing bulky clothing and place the torso belt between her breasts and to the side of the pregnant belly, with the lap belt laying flat and as low as possible under the curve of the belly.
After clicking the belt into the buckle, the mother should then give the torso belt an upward tug to remove slack from the belt system. It's also advisable to sit as far as possible from the steering wheel, while still being able to control it properly.
For more information on child safety, pick up a free copy of A Safety Manual: Children In Cars from SM Motors' Volvo showroom at 249 Alexandra Road or visit www.volvochildsafety.com
6 myths that could kill your children
Did you know that crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge?
LEOW JU-LEN learns some hard truths from two safety experts
IF WE would all wear belts, so many lives would be saved, says John-Fredrik Gronvall. As a senior safety research engineer with Volvo Car Corporation, he should know.
Mr Gronvall and Ms Anna Claesson, an accident researcher from Volvo, were in town recently to raise awareness of how proper seatbelt usage can make a real difference to safety, particularly for children travelling in cars.
His main message was simple: If you love your children, belt them up. And not merely because the law requires you to do so, but because it makes a very real difference to their survival chances in a crash.
'All this is about awareness, and not just about fines.'
1 Fatal crashes are rare in Singapore
Fact: Last year, 211 people were killed on Singapore roads - 27 of those casualties were riding in a car. 'That's pretty good for a population of your size,' says Mr Gronvall. Indeed, it sounds that a person's chances of dying in a car are relatively slim here.
However, when told that Singapore has roughly 405,000 passenger cars, Mr Gronvall quickly readjusts his assessment. 'In that case, it's a little high,' he says.
In fact, Singapore's casualty rate, while much better than those in most parts of Asia, still lags behind that of some developed countries. Great Britain has 70 times as many cars as Singapore, for example, but only 16 times as many road deaths.
Rather worryingly, the 27 people killed in cars last year also represent an increase of 28.6 per cent over 2002.
2 Speeds in Singapore are too low to cause serious injury
Fact: It doesn't take serious speed to cause serious injury. Try this on for size: Climb onto an ordinary dining chair, then fall forward onto your face. Be sure to have a tissue handy to wipe the blood from your nose. Congratulations! You've just simulated a crash at only 15kmh.
It gets increasingly violent as you increase the speed.
Crashing at just 30kmh is as bad as falling off an overhead bridge, for example. '30kmh is nothing,' says Mr Gronvall, adding that seatbelt usage is of paramount importance because drivers easily exceed the low speeds cited in our examples, even in Singapore.
3 Parents can hold on to their children during a collision
Fact: The law says that children up to eight must be in a child seat. Many people flout this, but it's impossible to flout the laws of physics. These dictate that a child weighing, say, 30kg and travelling at 40kmh would carry as much as one tonne of energy in a frontal collision.
Parents may be able to perform superhuman feats of time management and power cleaning, but holding on to a tonne isn't possible for anyone. Only seatbelts are able to restrain a child's body properly.
'Here, you often see the family's maid holding the baby,' says Mr Gronvall. 'In a crash, the maid kills the baby, or the baby kills someone.' In fact, an unbelted child is doubly dangerous because during a crash, an unrestrained body is a potentially fatal hazard.
According to Volvo, if a child's body hit your back with one tonne of force, all your ribs would break, they would puncture your lungs, and you would be gone in 60 seconds.
4 Size is everything - if my child is big enough, he doesn't need a booster seat
Fact: Children need special seats not merely because of their size, but also their bone structure. Seatbelts are designed for adults and if they're not used together with booster seat or child seat, they can cause injuries in a crash.
Adult hips, for example, are shaped differently from those of children, and this can cause a lap belt to slip over a child's abdomen during a crash, causing internal organ damage.
As for smaller children travelling without booster seats, the lap belt often sits directly over their tummies, with the torso belt at their chins - both dangerous positions.
Despite what the law says, Volvo recommends that children use a booster seat up to age 10 because that's when their bones are properly formed. It's also imperative for children to sit in their boosters in a seat with no airbag facing it.
Parents normally do the opposite and allow their kids to stop using the seats too early, but in this respect, it pays to be kiasu.
5 Rearward-facing seats are unnecessary, and give kids motion sickness
Fact: Travelling backwards is actually safer, according to Volvo, and if car design made it possible, the company would prefer that adults sat facing rearwards, too.
Small children in particular should travel in a rearward-facing child seat. Ms Claesson says that during a frontal collision, a forward-facing child would suffer a broken neck easily. That's because children are proportioned differently.
A newborn's head makes up half its bodyweight, for example. Coupled with the fact that its spine has yet to be properly formed, the forces pulling its head forward in a frontal collision would snap its neck.
'This makes it important that the child is using rearward restraints up to the age of three or four,' says Ms Claesson.
Many parents abandon their rearward facing seats long before that, worrying that travelling backwards would disorientate their children. But Ms Claesson says children are less likely to suffer from disorientation than adults, who are much more used to travelling forward.
Rearward-facing seats, she says, should actually be used 'as long as possible'. Volvo's field researchers have collected data from 30,000 accidents since the 1970s, and among all the cases where an infant was in a rearward-facing seat, only one fatality was recorded. Even that was caused by drowning, because the car involved plunged into a river.
One thing to note, however: Rearward-facing seats should never be used in a seat with an active airbag in front of it.
6 Seatbelts are a danger to unborn children
Fact: The opposite is true - lack of seatbelt use causes the death of unborn children in car crashes. In fact, studies from the United States show that car crashes are the leading cause of death for unborn children.
According to Ms Claesson, some pregnant women believe that seatbelts will do more harm than good in a frontal collision, a misconception that has resulted in needless casualties.
Worn properly, the belt would restrain the mother in a crash and pose no threat to the foetus.
The mother should avoid wearing bulky clothing and place the torso belt between her breasts and to the side of the pregnant belly, with the lap belt laying flat and as low as possible under the curve of the belly.
After clicking the belt into the buckle, the mother should then give the torso belt an upward tug to remove slack from the belt system. It's also advisable to sit as far as possible from the steering wheel, while still being able to control it properly.
For more information on child safety, pick up a free copy of A Safety Manual: Children In Cars from SM Motors' Volvo showroom at 249 Alexandra Road or visit www.volvochildsafety.com
Today December 4, 2004
Condom 'myth' is no tall tale
Facts support doubts on their effectiveness against HIV, STI
I refer to the letter, "Bursting the 'bad condom' myth" (Dec 2) by Christopher Low, who claims that the condom is effective in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is a myth in itself that needs to be addressed.
In a 2001 report by the United States' National Institute for Health, the condom was not found to be effective in preventing the transmission of a number of STIs.
In the area of HIV prevention, it was found to be only 85 per cent effective and only if used consistently and correctly. When used to prevent pregnancy, the condom is only 88 per cent effective.
Even if four condoms in a batch of 1,000 tested fail, the batch is still passed for distribution and sale. This means that in a batch of one million, up to 4,000 are defective.
The condom deteriorates with time, especially in hot and humid conditions like those in Singapore.
Mr Low quoted a breakage rate of 2 per 100 condoms, yet he still advocates their use. This sounds like a version of Russian roulette.
Complete, consistent and correct use of condoms by all is wishful thinking. Especially when the influence of alcohol and drugs is part of the equation.
In a study done in San Francisco, Balboa High School students were exposed to "graphic demonstrations" of proper condom use, but the school's condom availability programme was a colossal failure.
The percentage of sexually-active students who used condoms almost doubled — but, the school's overall pregnancy rate increased by one quarter. We can assume a similar increase in exposure to HIV infection and other STIs.
Dr Anne Peterson, assistant administrator for global health for the United States Agency for International Development, told a congressional subcommittee last year that, based on the evidence, abstinence is the "most important single message" in the sex education of young people. Unfortunately, some choose to engage in casual sex despite knowing the risks.
While we cannot impose a lifestyle change on them, it is imperative that we keep them informed of the fact that the condom is not 100 per cent effective — and empower them with the message that there is another, truly safe lifestyle choice. That is, abstinence from casual sex and faithfulness to one's uninfected spouse.
If one is truly pro-choice, one should make available complete and factual information to all.
Dr Hui Keem Peng
i wonder if snow's libido friend ever read e papers......he's 1 o e many who's spreading diseases ard....i really hope he sprouts a toadstool soon!!!! i know i'm evil but it's beta tt he knows e consequence b4 he infects more pple...stupid creep......these 2 words doesn't even describe him enough......
Condom 'myth' is no tall tale
Facts support doubts on their effectiveness against HIV, STI
I refer to the letter, "Bursting the 'bad condom' myth" (Dec 2) by Christopher Low, who claims that the condom is effective in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is a myth in itself that needs to be addressed.
In a 2001 report by the United States' National Institute for Health, the condom was not found to be effective in preventing the transmission of a number of STIs.
In the area of HIV prevention, it was found to be only 85 per cent effective and only if used consistently and correctly. When used to prevent pregnancy, the condom is only 88 per cent effective.
Even if four condoms in a batch of 1,000 tested fail, the batch is still passed for distribution and sale. This means that in a batch of one million, up to 4,000 are defective.
The condom deteriorates with time, especially in hot and humid conditions like those in Singapore.
Mr Low quoted a breakage rate of 2 per 100 condoms, yet he still advocates their use. This sounds like a version of Russian roulette.
Complete, consistent and correct use of condoms by all is wishful thinking. Especially when the influence of alcohol and drugs is part of the equation.
In a study done in San Francisco, Balboa High School students were exposed to "graphic demonstrations" of proper condom use, but the school's condom availability programme was a colossal failure.
The percentage of sexually-active students who used condoms almost doubled — but, the school's overall pregnancy rate increased by one quarter. We can assume a similar increase in exposure to HIV infection and other STIs.
Dr Anne Peterson, assistant administrator for global health for the United States Agency for International Development, told a congressional subcommittee last year that, based on the evidence, abstinence is the "most important single message" in the sex education of young people. Unfortunately, some choose to engage in casual sex despite knowing the risks.
While we cannot impose a lifestyle change on them, it is imperative that we keep them informed of the fact that the condom is not 100 per cent effective — and empower them with the message that there is another, truly safe lifestyle choice. That is, abstinence from casual sex and faithfulness to one's uninfected spouse.
If one is truly pro-choice, one should make available complete and factual information to all.
Dr Hui Keem Peng
i wonder if snow's libido friend ever read e papers......he's 1 o e many who's spreading diseases ard....i really hope he sprouts a toadstool soon!!!! i know i'm evil but it's beta tt he knows e consequence b4 he infects more pple...stupid creep......these 2 words doesn't even describe him enough......
ST Dec 5, 2004
As good as it gets
It's not just the high points in one's life that are worth treasuring. Sometimes, mundane moments are what truly matter
By Sumiko Tan
A YEAR or so before my father died, I remember I was in his bedroom one afternoon.
Unable to walk because of a stroke a few years before, he spent his days on a special hospital bed which we'd got to help us help him move around better.
My sister and two-year-old niece had come from the United States to visit at the time.
My mother and niece were also in the room. The little girl was amusing herself with her toys.
My parents looked on. The TV played.
My sister was in another room, at the computer.
My dogs were somewhere in the house, probably asleep.
I was sprawled on my mother's bed, my feet propped against a cupboard next to it, staring out of the window into a tree outside, the chatter of my niece and the whirr of the TV in the background.
It was just another ordinary sleepy day, no different from the many hundred uneventful ones that had passed me by.
Nothing special had happened that day, or was likely to.
Yet I remember thinking to myself: This is as good as it gets.
My family are here with me. They are safe. My father is sick but still breathing and able to smile. Everyone else is healthy. There is peace.
And, I remember thinking, this is a moment I should hold on to. This is a moment I will remember and treasure.
True enough, I often find myself going back to that day, even though my life has since changed in myriad ways, some for the better, some not.
My father is gone, the hospital bed has been given away, my niece is all of seven years old, I even have a nephew now and my life has ventured off in ways I did not quite expect.
But if I close my eyes, I can still feel my feet rubbing against the grain of the wood of the cupboard.
I can still see the tree outside and the cloudless sky, and I can still remember that weird mix of gratitude I felt for what I had, and fear of how it wasn't going to last, and how I'd better grasp that moment forever.
The memory of that day makes me happy, yet inexplicably sad.
IT USED to be that it was only the high points of my life that I lived for, to cherish and preserve.
High points like being on a fabulously exciting date.
Or sitting in a dream car.
Travelling to an exciting destination.
Celebrating a big day in style and with beautiful and important people.
Achieving a career goal - getting a promotion, earning more money, being recognised for doing a job well.
Life had meaning only if there was frisson and there was glory, if there was something significant happening and I was in the thick of it and I felt special.
These days, I find myself thinking that it's not just the peaks in one's life that are worth measuring and treasuring.
Sometimes, mundane moments matter and, perhaps, matter more.
Perhaps it is a result of growing older and realising the fragility of life and how there may not be a tomorrow.
Or the recognition that, really, just how many high points can a life have?
Rather, it's the small and ordinary moments that string together to make up a meaningful existence. And instead of just tolerating them and living in hope for the Next Big Thing to unfold, why not make the small things count?
Why not be grateful for them?
In April this year, my mother and I went to my sister's home in the US to celebrate my nephew's first birthday.
My sister baked a tiny cake, my brother-in-law came back from work early, and we all headed for a roller-skating rink.
Two of my sister's friends joined us with their young sons and we went for pancakes at a small eatery later.
Then it was back home, a quick dinner and an early night.
It wasn't a big celebration. In fact, some would remark at the sheer ordinariness of what should have been a special day. Where was the fanciful party? The presents?
But for me, it was one of the happiest days of my life.
Everyone I cared about was with me. We got through the day safely.
It was as good as it got.
A FRIEND SMSed me the other night to say, arrgh, Dec 1 is already here.
I asked: Why don't you like Dec 1?
The year passed too quickly, he said. It's gone before you know it.
I see.
When you look back at 2004, what do you remember?
I think the tendency is to scan the past 12 months for the peaks and troughs.
What did I achieve? Where did I fail?
And when you look ahead at 2005, what do you want to see?
Achievements to be had? Failures to avoid? Big, happy, glorious moments?
Perhaps it is better that I aim to live for each moment, to make the most of it, and count my blessings.
After all, what's past cannot be undone, what's ahead is unknown but what I can shape is my here and now.
Things could change in a day, a minute and a second - and they do.
Isn't it safer to stick to the small stuff, to put your faith in the fragility of the moment and not expect too much?
I'm not saying that I should be so intent on appreciating the smallness of life that I denounce all dreams of bigger things.
But to bask in the ordinariness of the day is something I resolve to do.
For, more often than not, that moment of your life is as good as it will ever get.
How has 2004 been 4 u......it's been a great yr 4 me.....a lot o things happened...a lot o things really......it's been 1 yr.......wat's e next yr gg 2 b like......how do i 1 2 live it?????
As good as it gets
It's not just the high points in one's life that are worth treasuring. Sometimes, mundane moments are what truly matter
By Sumiko Tan
A YEAR or so before my father died, I remember I was in his bedroom one afternoon.
Unable to walk because of a stroke a few years before, he spent his days on a special hospital bed which we'd got to help us help him move around better.
My sister and two-year-old niece had come from the United States to visit at the time.
My mother and niece were also in the room. The little girl was amusing herself with her toys.
My parents looked on. The TV played.
My sister was in another room, at the computer.
My dogs were somewhere in the house, probably asleep.
I was sprawled on my mother's bed, my feet propped against a cupboard next to it, staring out of the window into a tree outside, the chatter of my niece and the whirr of the TV in the background.
It was just another ordinary sleepy day, no different from the many hundred uneventful ones that had passed me by.
Nothing special had happened that day, or was likely to.
Yet I remember thinking to myself: This is as good as it gets.
My family are here with me. They are safe. My father is sick but still breathing and able to smile. Everyone else is healthy. There is peace.
And, I remember thinking, this is a moment I should hold on to. This is a moment I will remember and treasure.
True enough, I often find myself going back to that day, even though my life has since changed in myriad ways, some for the better, some not.
My father is gone, the hospital bed has been given away, my niece is all of seven years old, I even have a nephew now and my life has ventured off in ways I did not quite expect.
But if I close my eyes, I can still feel my feet rubbing against the grain of the wood of the cupboard.
I can still see the tree outside and the cloudless sky, and I can still remember that weird mix of gratitude I felt for what I had, and fear of how it wasn't going to last, and how I'd better grasp that moment forever.
The memory of that day makes me happy, yet inexplicably sad.
IT USED to be that it was only the high points of my life that I lived for, to cherish and preserve.
High points like being on a fabulously exciting date.
Or sitting in a dream car.
Travelling to an exciting destination.
Celebrating a big day in style and with beautiful and important people.
Achieving a career goal - getting a promotion, earning more money, being recognised for doing a job well.
Life had meaning only if there was frisson and there was glory, if there was something significant happening and I was in the thick of it and I felt special.
These days, I find myself thinking that it's not just the peaks in one's life that are worth measuring and treasuring.
Sometimes, mundane moments matter and, perhaps, matter more.
Perhaps it is a result of growing older and realising the fragility of life and how there may not be a tomorrow.
Or the recognition that, really, just how many high points can a life have?
Rather, it's the small and ordinary moments that string together to make up a meaningful existence. And instead of just tolerating them and living in hope for the Next Big Thing to unfold, why not make the small things count?
Why not be grateful for them?
In April this year, my mother and I went to my sister's home in the US to celebrate my nephew's first birthday.
My sister baked a tiny cake, my brother-in-law came back from work early, and we all headed for a roller-skating rink.
Two of my sister's friends joined us with their young sons and we went for pancakes at a small eatery later.
Then it was back home, a quick dinner and an early night.
It wasn't a big celebration. In fact, some would remark at the sheer ordinariness of what should have been a special day. Where was the fanciful party? The presents?
But for me, it was one of the happiest days of my life.
Everyone I cared about was with me. We got through the day safely.
It was as good as it got.
A FRIEND SMSed me the other night to say, arrgh, Dec 1 is already here.
I asked: Why don't you like Dec 1?
The year passed too quickly, he said. It's gone before you know it.
I see.
When you look back at 2004, what do you remember?
I think the tendency is to scan the past 12 months for the peaks and troughs.
What did I achieve? Where did I fail?
And when you look ahead at 2005, what do you want to see?
Achievements to be had? Failures to avoid? Big, happy, glorious moments?
Perhaps it is better that I aim to live for each moment, to make the most of it, and count my blessings.
After all, what's past cannot be undone, what's ahead is unknown but what I can shape is my here and now.
Things could change in a day, a minute and a second - and they do.
Isn't it safer to stick to the small stuff, to put your faith in the fragility of the moment and not expect too much?
I'm not saying that I should be so intent on appreciating the smallness of life that I denounce all dreams of bigger things.
But to bask in the ordinariness of the day is something I resolve to do.
For, more often than not, that moment of your life is as good as it will ever get.
How has 2004 been 4 u......it's been a great yr 4 me.....a lot o things happened...a lot o things really......it's been 1 yr.......wat's e next yr gg 2 b like......how do i 1 2 live it?????
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
