15 mins officially....

i've 15 mins officially b4 i shld start working......

i know i promise myself tt i'll do sme reflection but i didn't do tt...much as least...i was busy sleeping & making x'mas cards...yes i made e cards during x'mas day so much 4 early greetings...i made a record over 30 cards 4 tis x'mas......every1 had a similar card.....adapted fr last yr's cards.....

every1 says tt it's e tot tt counts....i hope so 2.....

ok i've reflected on a few things e last couple o days.....1st, i wonder if my family wld b closer if i die.....i was really hoping 4 a family gathering 2 celebrate my mom's bday.....but in e end, only half e family strength turned up.....i was tinking o making an effort 2 get every1 2 go, but i didn't even try.....i was juz 2 lazy......my family is not 1 2 display affect openly.....everytime i took time 2 make a card or smething 4 sme1, my dad wld ask me y i'm making it? "u 2 free is it??" i dunno, i feel great tt at least e friends whom i give e cards 2 smehow appreciate it more.......mayb tt's y i always make it a pt 2 make them....at e very least they say thk u......i dunno if it's juz my family....we dun really talk.....i'm closer 2 my friends then i m 2 my family....i can talk 2 my friends more than i can talk 2 my family....mayb i didn't try 2 talk 2 them.....i wonder if my family feels e same.....i felt really jealous smehow when i was at swing's place e other time, watching her family have dinner 2gather.....even though she complains abt how her mum can get really irritating at times (i can vouch 4 tt!!!).....at e veyr least i can really c a family there......i dunno if it's cos my family is so big tt's y it's hard......smetimes i tink tt i'm e 1 gelling e family 2gather.....i always make an effort 2 include every1.....but now i dun even try.....i'm juz so tired.....i hate having 2 make an effort when no1 else care.....i hate it.....i hate myself for not trying anymore......i hate it.......

i'm supposed 2 b working but i'm still blogging away.....

2nd, friends.....i didn't know i actually inspired u Jancy!!! it's great 2 know tt at least once in ur life smething u did actually matter......i've never had 2 great a dreams......yes i did dream o becoming a psychologist.....i'm still dreaming o it.....i really hope tt smeday i can fulfill tt dream....if only i try harder!!!! i try 2 stay in touch wif those whom i know i haven contacted.....but i wonder if they appreciate my doing so......mayb they tink i'm such a bother......i'm writing n essay 4 each 1 o my close buddies.....i hope they appreciate it.....i may not b able 2 write congruently or even comprehend my tots/feelings corrently, but i'm trying.....i may write things which doesn't make sense or simply juz rubbish, but i tried.......so dun take offense at wat i wrote.....i'm juz writing......if u dun like wat i wrote juz 4get abt it......& yes, i'm gg 2 telling u gals who i'm pursuing......i've tot abt it, & i tink it's no big deal......it's funny how u gals r so kp abt it!!!! heheehe.....if i tell u dun faint or laugh 2 much!!!!

ok, i tink i beta go bk 2 work, 10mins overdue oredi......