ST Feb 15, 2005

Lessons in love on US campuses
Marriage-minded students flock to courses on relationship skills

MUNCIE (INDIANA) - MR SCOTT Hall wants to spark a discussion, so he asks his students something bound to provoke a reaction: Do women want more out of marriage than men?

It is just the sort of conversation starter that is heard more often in university classrooms in the United States these days.

Affairs of the heart - love, relationships and marriage - have gone from being an obsession outside class to the reason for class.

The students in Mr Hall's course on marriage at Ball State University laugh and nod at his question. Most of them agree with research he cites stating that men are most interested in a partner who's attractive and good in bed.

But not Mr Mike Toscano, a 21-year-old: 'It's not 'Oh she looks cute and she cooked a pot pie'. I want to be held once in a while, too, y'all.'

'I'm glad he feels that way,' Ms Anitra Montgomery, a 22-year-old, responds to the class. 'But he is rare!'

Over the past 30 years, academics have been developing the study of 'close relationships', as they call it, forming the International Association for Relationship Research to share resources and data.

Such research is 'not just about what makes people happy but how relationships can affect other things - for instance, someone's health', says assistant professor Lisa Baker, who teaches psychology at Purchase College, part of the State University of New York.

In recent years, though, some professors have moved beyond theory, making the discussion more personal to students by teaching relationship skills they can use outside the classroom.

Some call it Relationships 101 - a concept that has proven wildly popular on campuses across the country.

Mr Toscano says he and his girlfriend Bethany Ringrose decided to take the class together this term to see if they want to take their relationship to the next level.

'It helps me understand my actions and his, too,' says Ms Ringrose, 20, a junior at the school in central Indiana. With divorce as common as it is in the US - about half of married couples divorce - experts say young couples are wise to do their marriage homework.

'The thinking is, the earlier people learn those skills, the better off they'll be,' says psychology professor Dennis Lowe at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California, who team-teaches a freshman seminar called Developing Healthy Relationships with his wife Emily Scott-Lowe.

Students in their classes practise listening - namely giving the other person a chance to speak his or her mind without interruption.

And if students are considering long-term, committed relationships, they are asked to consider questions such as whose job it would be to buy a car, discipline a child or cook dinner.

Professor Leslie Parrott of Seattle Pacific University says surveys at her university and others regularly show that relationships are a priority for students.

'They're often more focused on relationship quality than their careers,' says Prof Parrott, a marriage and family therapist who teaches relationships courses with her husband Les.

Lecture topics include Falling In Love Without Losing Your Mind and How To Break Up Without Falling Apart.

'Breaking up is a real rite of passage for people their age - they're just dying and they have no real guidance,' says Prof Parrott.

She says that some academics question whether classes like these belong in a college setting. But others say there is no reason love should be ignored.

'The longer I live, the more I realise that the hardest thing is just relationships,' says assistant professor Robert Brancatelli, who teaches religion at Santa Clara University in California. 'It's hard enough to figure out yourself, let alone another person.' -- ASSOCIATED PRESS

ST Feb 15, 2005

Personalities the key to good marriage

WASHINGTON - SHARED moral values are less important than compatible personalities as a recipe for a good marriage, according to a study just released.

Married couples often share the same attitudes about faith and other values, researchers at the University of Iowa found. But those with personalities similar to their spouses were the happiest.

'People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values and beliefs and even marry them,' the researchers said on Sunday, and those qualities are easy to spot in a potential mate.

Attitudes towards subjects such as religion or politics 'are highly visible', they said.

But how married people behave was shown to have a greater effect on happiness.

'Being in a committed relationship entails regular interaction and requires extensive coordination in dealing with tasks, issues and problems of daily living,' the study found.

Differences in how to deal with everyday matters can lead to 'more friction and conflict', it said.

Personality-driven traits - like being open, easy-going or organised - are likely to play a bigger role in the marriage, the researchers found after studying 291 newly married couples.

The couples were married for an average of five months when the data was culled late in 2000 and had dated for an average of 3 1/2 years.

The couples were participants in the Iowa Marital Assessment Project, a long-term study being conducted by the university with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health under the National Institutes of Health.

Participants were asked to evaluate their own traits and were videotaped interacting with each other.

Partners who rated their marriages as highly satisfactory were found to have more common personality traits.

Similar attitudes among the couples, however, showed no clear impact on happiness, according to the study published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. -- REUTERS

ST Feb 15, 2005

Find your 'cereal' mate and check out

SYDNEY - A SHOPPING mall launched a 'cereal dating' night at its supermarket yesterday, telling singles to come and 'get frisky at the fruit counter' for a Valentine's night out.

Management at the upmarket Westfield Bondi Junction shopping centre in Sydney's eastern suburbs suggested singles eager to meet a kindred soul cruise the supermarket aisles with message-sending breakfast cereal boxes perched on their carts.

'Choosing the correct cereal is crucial, with different cereals attracting different mates,' Westfield said.

For 'cereal virgins', it explained that boxes of Fruit Loops signal a 'quirky, outrageous type that lives life on the edge', while carrying All Bran or Mini Wheats attracts 'dependable, regular, conservative types'.

'For those that don't really care - a variety pack will show that the shopper is willing to chat to anyone.' -- AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE