i dunno if i've changed.....i tink i did.....i tink i let more pple into my life then i used 2 b.....i was guarded in e past cos i felt stupid 2 've been hurt badly by a friend....a friend i tot wld never hurt me.....but as e yrs go by, i felt tt guarding myself is so tiring.....i feel tt i'm not being me anymore....i felt comfortable talking 2 u.....more & more comfortable.....but there was a period when i actually felt tt we drifted apart......but now, i felt more at ease cos i know even if u judge me, it's 4 my own gd......i dunno if i shld b so trusting.....i was so stupid 2 b so trusting b4, wld i get hurt again? i hope not......but i'm still guarded smetimes cos i dunno how 2 react & i didn't 1 2 get hurt......it's painful......but i really 1 2 b able 2 really talk & not b all alone.....i may b blunt a lot o e times but i never meant 2 hurt any1, & i know u know......smetimes i dun tell u everything cos i'm embarrassed o telling it......i dunno how 2 say it.......mayb u know but never told me.....i tink i still trying 2 explore myself everyday.....trying 2 feel as best as i can.....trying 2 grow up.....i appear 2 b practical & logical most o e time but i 1 2 b more emotional 2......i'm trying 2 b.....i dunno......i feel stupid smetimes......i try 2 laugh at every little thing 2 lift my spirit.....i try 2 remain calm....i try 2 widen my horizon more.....i try 2 read more....i try 2 b more responsible.....i try 2 b politically correct.....i try 2 understd.....i try not 2 tink so much.....i try not 2 procrastinate but end up being rash.....i'm trying 2 hard smetimes......or mayb i'm not.....but as long as u try it's gd enough isn't it????sprouting random tots again......so far i've written 1 letter 2 a friend, buti tink tt letter is gg 2 bring me trouble cos i meant 2 explain but i tink my letter didn't comprehend tt.....i tink i still have at least 10 letters tt i 1 2 write......i'm gg 2 go home sleep then start writing at nite...tt's when i get all emotional & i can cry all i 1 w/o any1 knowing......i tink i know y u tink i've change.....i never used 2 cry in front o pple.....now i really dun bother.....i dun like 2 cry in front o pple cos 1stly i look ugly, 2ndly cos i feel vulnerable.....till now i still can't get over being hurt......
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It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live
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Only when you are ready to talk about what is the pain that you are trying to get over, it means you have gotten over it.
When I referred to change....... maybe we will never change. We just learn to present ourselves in a different way. We grow to learn how to express our true self better. Gather out thoughts.... say our feelings... You never change, you just opened up I guess.
Trying means you are not afraid of breaking your heart or waking from your dreams.... it's a good thing and I'm happy for you. :)
Sometimes changing is not a bad thing as long as you change for the better and you are doing great. Just be yourself and be comfortable with your own changes.
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